Please Help My Dad Recover From a Stroke

[[Current update added & posted at the end of this]]

Hi, my name is Adrianna Hernandez, and I am trying to help my dad, Ken, on his path towards recovery from a right-sided stroke that has left him unable to walk and perform daily tasks, and he’s struggling with his memory and basic cognitive functions.

Since Fall 2022, my dad’s behavior has been a bit “off” and abnormal, but I just couldn’t quite put my finger on the real issue. He’s normally very outgoing and chatty, and he would always spend time with his friends, working on cars, going to “biker breakfasts”, and traveling locally pretty often to participate in various activities. Everyone would always love to chat with my dad and hear his crazy stories that he would offer to any willing listener. He loved walking my dog, Daphne, and he always took great pride in being able to spend hours with her outside while she would just sunbathe in the grass on warmer days, and he would tell me that it was “just because she wanted to.” That’s what’s normal for my dad.

But, since Fall 2022, he has become increasingly withdrawn, ignoring his friends’ phone calls, not really answering his phone when I would call and not texting like he normally would, and just wanting to stay in bed and not go out anywhere, and I found out that he wasn’t keeping up with any of his bills. This has been very confusing for me because he’s always been the type to pay his bills early, and I recently found out that one bill hadn’t been paid in nearly a year. He was having trouble remembering certain things, he looked skinnier and a bit weaker, and he started having pretty severe digestive problems. Last year, I made him start a more strict, healthy diet, and the digestive problems went away, but he still wasn’t the same. I wasn’t sure if it was maybe depression, that he wasn’t taking his medications (he has diabetes, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol), or something worse, so I kept asking him to make an appointment with his doctor. For months, he was going back and forth with lying to the doctor about his symptoms, lying to me about his appointments, cancelling appointments, to the point where I finally arranged an appointment with the doctor so that I could go with him to speak to the doctor myself because I wanted to figure out what was wrong in order to help him with whatever may be causing these physical and behavioral changes.

On August 21st, 2023, I was supposed to take my dad to the doctor. As he was getting ready to go, I noticed that he was stumbling to put on his shoes, and he tilted over, lost his balance, and fell against the hallway cabinet. I rushed over to see what was wrong, and he looked at me with his eyes glazed, almost as if he was drunk. I tried to ask him if he took his medication because I thought that maybe that was making him dizzy, or if he ate, because maybe his blood sugar was low. He just mumbled, “Yes, I took my meds” and, “No, I didn’t eat”, so I had him sit down, and I gave him some crackers and some water to help to raise his sugar levels. He was still out of it, so I just thought that maybe he was trying to persuade his doctor that he was taking his meds, and that he felt off because he hadn’t taken them in a while, so we proceeded to go to the appointment.

At that point, he needed help down the stairs, but he could still walk, and he was able to slowly walk to my car. By the time we arrived at the doctor’s office (about 7 mins. away), he told me that he couldn’t move his left leg; it was stuck. I was panicking, and I tried to help him out, and I was able to get him up as he leaned most of his weight on me. He was shuffling his feet with really small steps, and then he completely collapsed on me. A UPS driver saw us struggling and came to help me with my dad because I almost fell under his full weight, and he was able to help me to get my dad to the doctor’s office. Upon arrival, his doctor immediately said that my dad was having a stroke and that I needed to drive him the ER across the street right away.

After the scans and tests, we found out that it was indeed a right-sided ischemic stroke in the temporal lobe. This has caused left-sided weakness, slurred speech, memory problems, confusion, and other cognitive issues. And, they found an “old stroke” in the right basal ganglia. I later researched and found out that the right basal ganglia stroke explains all of my previous concerns about his changed behavior over the past year, so I am assuming that the first stroke took place a year ago, and we just had no idea, and I wasn’t able to get him to the doctor soon enough. I tried for many months, desperately, to help my dad and figure out what was wrong, but he was very stubborn, and most likely scared and confused, and I just wasn’t able to save him in time.

For the first few weeks after his stroke, he was in and out of the ER, the regular hospital, and a nursing home to temporarily help with his rehabilitation. There were some (slight) ups, but very intense downs during this time. He was released to the nursing home three days after his stroke, and I was feeling optimistic about his recovery, but then he had a seizure in front of me within a few hours of first arriving at that nursing home, and he’s been even weaker since the seizure. He was going in and out of lucidity and awareness, and he was waking up confused in the nursing home when I wasn’t there, so he would try to get out of bed (his right side is still pretty strong), and he would fall and end up in the ER. He fell about 10 times while he was in the nursing homes. He continued to struggle in the nursing home environment, eventually refusing to eat (since he was on a pureed diet), losing weight, and seeming to be giving up. I was mentally preparing myself for the worst.

At the end of September 2023, his insurance was trying to convey that they would no longer cover my dad’s nursing home care, but I petitioned against it and won a bit more time. However, on October 11, 2023, his insurance gave me a 48 hour notice that they would no longer cover his care, and I had to frantically scramble around to try to figure out my options because my dad was still very much incapacitated, not eating, and seemingly giving up. I was able to find a private board and care home for him; it's local so that I can visit him every day, and they have helped me to be able to slowly get my dad back on his feet. He started eating like normal again (the trick was to feed him regular food instead of a pureed diet, but the nursing home doctors were too lazy to reach that conclusion). I’ve fought with his doctors, his insurance, and various medical companies to provide him with the care that he needs to get better, and he’s made dramatic improvements since last October. He can now fully transfer out of bed (with supervision), and he just started using a walker a few months, and he’s getting stronger, with some setbacks (such as pressure sores and shoulder pain), but I am trying to focus on the positive as we move forward.

This private board and care home costs me $5000 a month out of pocket, plus the cost of incontinence supplies, and I have no family on my dad’s side that has offered to help in any capacity. My dad has two much older children who have offered nothing…I am alone in his care costs, and I’m fighting really had to give my dad a chance at healing and eventually coming home with me, but I am struggling to be able to afford his care. Since last October, I have had to pay $50,000 (as of June 2024) for my dad’s board and care home alone, because at this time, I cannot have him come home with me and take care of his needs by myself. This is his best chance at slowly getting stronger as we continue with physical and occupational therapy and try to regain as much of his independence as possible so that I can bring him home. I am hoping that he will only need to stay in this board and care home for a few more months before I can transfer him home with me, but this plan is constantly shifting due to an onslaught of health complications (including four ER visits in May and June 2024, being diagnosed with acute urinary retention due to an enlarged prostate, inserting a Foley catheter, and then blood in his urine, an invasive, complicated uti, then a prolonged hospital stay for sepsis, also causing afib, because of medical negligence).

I am asking that if you have any money to spare, if you would please consider donating to my dad’s unexpected health costs so that I can try to save his quality of life. This unexpected tragedy has left my father partially incapacitated, and it has left me reeling and heartbroken trying to figure out how to help him by myself. The future is bleak and uncertain because brain injuries vary from person-to-person, but his doctors and neurologists have informed me that this is his best chance at recovery.

These donations help to ease the Herculean financial burden I have had to bear alone these past 10 months, but I am also looking for hospital supply connections (specifically diapers and bed pads), and/or the items listed in his Amazon Wishlist.

Thank you so so much for reading all of this and supporting my dad. I continue to be grateful for anyone and everyone who has helped us during this time.

<3

Adrianna