Please Help Mikiala Pay Medical Expenses (Cancer)

My daughter, Mikiala Spadaro, is recovering from breast cancer and required surgeries . She is cancer free and is getting stronger by the day. She has $35,000 debt in medical expenses not covered by insurance. I created this Fundraiser to reach out to the community for assistance. We all know our healthcare system is broken and the help from our extended friends and family would be a blessing in helping relieve Mikiala's financial pressure.

Mikiala's Personal "Prayer for Help"

The support provided continues to burst love through my whole being. I am so very grateful for the compassion and care my community has shown with kind words, meals, monetary donations, the help with my family from those who came in 2019, as well as the other offers of support. Allowing vulnerability, sharing my journey, and opening up to accept help has been a big part of my receptivity, essential for the ultimate surrender necessary to be healed and allow wholeness (one in the same).

I imagine it’s been intense for everyone this past year, in similar and in uniquely different ways. I have been hiding in a metaphorical, and if you count my home dwelling, a physical cave, for two and half years now. The hermit life has been quite intense and very expansive.

I continue to trust everything is working out, and there is so much evidence to confirm my hypothesis. I am loving witnessing my heart-led path unfold in such a unique, deeply and personally perfect way. Yet, I am still juggling the debt accruing from medical bills. I realize feeling overwhelm is counterproductive to healing, as chronic/environmental/emotional stress is the culprit behind the physical body being pushed into a state of dis-ease, mine included. I know all of you who have been supporting my healing process would want me to ask for help.

The funds donated thus far has made such a difference in the care I was able to receive and gave me space to breathe and heal in my initial treatments. Then, in 2020, I had four more surgeries, additional treatments, high out-of-pocket insurance, with my husband’s job at a stand-still due to Covid - all this while recovering at ‘high risk’.

If you feel moved in your heart to help relieve the financial strain of the accrued $35,000 in medical bills, this would be magnificent! My family is eternally grateful for any and all tithing. Please feel free to share this with anyone passionate about supporting mind-body-spirit healing. I understand many would like to help if they could and holding space for how it is all working out for the highest good, as I trust, is helpful as well!

Following is Mikiala's update of her continued healing journey:

As of August 2019, my body is ‘cancer free’. I feel very fortunate. I have been put on a path of deep whole-being healing, for which I am also incredibly grateful. The journey didn’t stop there, though. A part of me imagined that after spending 2019 clearing cancer, there would be some type of joyous reemergence into my old care-free life. I think other people think this, also. I get questions such as ‘are you through with it all?’. But life doesn’t go back to some type of normal. The doctors don’t reassure anything. Even after the official 5-year remission status, the chance of experiencing cancer only returns to the percentage of any other living human. There are no guarantees and there is a lot of healing left, way past the “you’re clear” biopsy lab results. I have learned, healing requires a lot of trust and faith, for the peace of mind needed to receive wellness.

I have been recovering from surgeries, treatments and trauma. The surgeries took a toll, especially the bacterial infection following the mastectomy procedure. Cancer is an intense journey, whether you resist every step of the way or choose to open your heart to the whole experience, as I did. My body is still finding a new equilibrium; rebuilding and recovering. My energy levels are slowly returning and most days I feel encouraged, until I don’t, and then break down crying. I remind myself it makes sense there is a rebuild time, as my body went through so much with the chemo, a thousand hours of water fasting and so many invasive surgeries. I appreciate the energy I do have and the ability to focus myself into a state of being unconditional with my happiness (a moment-to-moment practice). Thoughts of my loved ones, like you, focus me into my heart where I feel centered, regardless of the current state of affairs. Thank you for reflecting the love we are. The more I practice this unconditional being the easier it becomes. There have been more hours of meditation and surrendered breathing than I’d ever be able to count… which helps so much and I imagine there is no end.

As I continue to open my heart and surrender into being embodied, I have discovered so many treasures of inner knowing and wisdom. I have met my shadow in a whole new way. My eyes are open to the programmed habit of living in the protective tower of my mind and thoughts. Like our modern society, I was planning the future, rehearsing conversations or thinking back to the past, wishing I would have said, done or been different. Living in the worried thoughts of the past or planning to avoid disappointment in the future, was too much for the health of my body. What I realized, when left to the program (to the mind without presence), my thoughts routinely became focused on what needed to be done or what could go wrong, all the while breathing shallowly or not breathing much at all. Now I am practicing being, breathing and allowing life to move through me. I am releasing resistance and it is catapulting me into an alignment I didn’t know possible.

Even if I was going to pretend to go back to some type of normal, I also realized I was not as care-free as I perceived myself to be. Remember feeling really flexible, free, and easy as a child? Well, I wasn't. There were times of freedom and fun for sure, and luckily, I always had the ability to crack myself up and I have had my fun mom and brother to help keep me lighter than my program would be without them. I am also familiar with a freaked out little girl spending a lot of time not embodied in the present moment. It was intense to take human form. I remember looking around and wondering how everyone was so comfortable being in a body. Being intuitive and sensitive without the tools to ground, left my world feeling very intense. It can still feel intense, but now I have more tools to stay centered amongst the flow of energy. Embodiment is one of the reasons I fell in love with yoga at the age of 17. When I breathe and practice yoga, I feel embodied in the present and it feels so wonderful!

So, to bring me back to life, I choose to practice embodiment. To truly wear this ‘space suit’ and enjoy all the moments from this ever-expanding present. There is nothing like looking at physical death to remind me how silly it is to waste time worrying (some habits take a bit to break). The more I spend living connected through my joy, love, appreciation and compassion, the healthier and happier I feel. Would you agree this is how we are meant to live? I believe we are meant to live with ease - as happy, focused, playful, engaged, curious, open, allowing, connected, heart led animals. I believe we are designed to share unconditional love and connection expressed through this living, composting, heart-driven avatar. Therefore, it’s my daily goal to stay heart-connected and embodied. Why is this not my natural state? Why do I default back into the program and start stressing again? It is as if I’m falling back to sleep, forgetting I am ONE and believing yet again we are individual and separate. The dance of dark and light. Yin and Yang. I am catching on in a whole new way and I am more lucid than ever before!

Once I faced the great shadow cancer exposed, I began noticing all the opportunities to surrender. To let go and let God. WOW! Learning to be easy, relaxed and allowing the goodness to flow has been harder than I would have thought. The program, the subconscious hard drive, is very familiar and easy to fall back into. The thought patterns, I am not even aware of, are often driving the show. The art of allowing hasn’t been an over-night reprogramming for me, as it involves the alignment of body, mind and spirit and is taking dedication not to fall back into the story. You’d think feeling good would be our natural way, but somehow it seems to be trained out of us. As a child, society taught me to ignore, stuff, hide, or run from my feelings and to override my body’s wisdom. And the body remembers everything. Now, as I allow the stored shadows to be recognized and loved without identifying with them, I am healing and feeling my wholeness.

As epigenetic research is revealing, trauma is stored in the DNA from generations before. It’s innocent, misinformed and an incomplete story being lived generation after generation. I am source experiencing being human and the human comes with a story stored within the DNA passed down through the generations. Both the loved and the unloved, uncharted territory of the shadows stored in the story of the human DNA. How can we see the whole story while identifying as an individual self? As an individual, I have a limited perspective. When I am off in my thoughts, in the shadowed self, it can feel dark, and I feel alone. I even believe the haunted stories. When I identify as the body, I start freaking out in my thoughts and can easily get to a place of wanting to crawl out of my skin.

When I learned how to drive an automobile, I was taught ‘the direction I look is where the car will go, and, therefore, always look in the direction you want to go’. I am starting to catch on that my thoughts have the same power. So, I am changing my ways, breathing and trusting things are going in the better direction than Mikiala’s perspective can conceive. I am focusing on what I do want instead of what I don’t. I focus on what makes me feel good, as in trusting the highest good for all is unfolding. OR, when I have questions or concerns about something, I practice remembering help is on the way.

I feel best when I get into the actual driver’s seat, not my mind, but in my body. And the key to unlock the connection between my earth suit and the visceral experience of wholeness - my heart! I have also met my heart in a whole new way. Opening my heart to the big shadow cancer presented, showed me how much I can trust following my heart. My body doesn’t want to be ignored anymore. My heart is the keeper of my body. My body is at ease when I pay attention to it and release my worries by trusting the heart’s guidance. I see my body in a new way. I am not my body, instead my body is my friend. When I identify as the body, I can be an abusive friend without realizing it. I have made it work past comfort, I ignored hunger and thirst cues, I worked too much and didn’t play enough. I was breathing shallowly and gripping physically. I can be critical, judgmental and hold a standard of perfection which is based on the way I think it should look instead of appreciating it for the unique beauty it is. I also have done many good things for my body, such as eating healthy, drinking lots of water, resting, exercising and playing. I continue to do the good things as my practice of being a good friend to my body. I practice trusting my body innately knows how to heal on her own. My mind’s job is to not figure out the problems but rather take gentle care by listening to her cues (without freaking out and making up stories). Most of the time, some deep heart-centered breaths bring me back into coherence quickly and I feel the response in my physicality. It isn’t easy to just allow and be, or we’d all be feeling good all the time, but at this point it’s so uncomfortable to live as the separate identifying self, I seem to be catapulted forward in my awakening.

Fortunately, I have been practicing alignment, with the gathered tools, techniques and meditations to remind and help me find center and alignment. The momentum of alignment is growing stronger, so I am catching the mis-alignment throughout the day. And now, as I practice, the more I am waking up, and the quicker I remember when I fall back into the shadowed self. And when my shadow pulls me back in, I have the opportunity to bring the shadows into the light. When I allow myself to drop into the center of the whirlpool, I stop identifying, and my mind is used as it was designed, as the witness and interpreter of the wisdom of my heart. From heart coherence, I know our oneness. I feel whole. I know we are all supported by our inner being. I feel the love connection. I am home. I recognize this is worth practicing and not giving up.

All these words are an explanation of how I am learning to relax into just being. I am practicing taking action from this connected place of being. I am letting go of the force and learning to joyfully go with the flow. It’s miraculous feeling to surrender to the joy of just being.

My five-year-old reminds me how to be. He is the sweetest little buddha ever. So much love and enthusiasm, for everything! Excitement for every step of the way; the opening of a box, the box itself and whatever is (even if it’s not for him) in the box. He loves anything with motors, buttons and batteries. Remotes are magical to him. He has love for bugs-he cried yesterday because he accidentally smashed a bug which landed on his face (and cried again when he talked about it at dinner). He appreciates the beauty of nature and all earth’s creatures. He’s ready to laugh any chance he can. If he hears someone laugh, he starts laughing even if he doesn’t know why - he wants to get in on the fun! He reminds me how we are meant to be. PLAYFUL! He is practicing patience, which reminds Piero and me to do the same. And he definitely shines light on how mental I can be. I feel so slow to engage into the moment, compared to him. He can tell when I am connected and when I am not. He tries to bring me back to center by asking me to stare in his eyes - it often works.

My husband is the greatest partner and a magnificent father. He plays, he loves, he shows up for us both anytime we need him. He has been working hard every day fixing up our property so we may make more income with our rentals. He works all day and still helps with dishes and bedtime routine. He is there for me to go to doctor appointments and anytime Iggy needs his daddy. He wakes before the sun to make time for meditation (and baking bread). I love when he takes time to go on walks with Iggy as I do feel he needs more time for play.

I believe one of the reasons Iggy is so free loving is attributed to having present, loving and emotionally available parents. Watching Piero father has been healing for me. I feel like I am married to a saint with an angel as a son. Their love keeps me going. I am not sure I would make it through the hard days without them. There was a day when I couldn’t get out of bed. I was crying and didn’t even know why. They both crawled in and held me. Not asking questions, just saw I needed love, so there they were. In fact, anytime any of us (mostly me and Iggy) cry, we all run over and hug each other. Same goes with getting physically hurt - love heals! I do feel like I have missed out on some of Iggy’s life with low energy levels and getting easily overwhelmed at times. Those thoughts make my feel down. And since I cannot change the past, I focus on engaging now. I practice enjoying every moment I get with him, going forward. I am hopeful I will have a friend for life. And my husband just keeps loving, no matter what. I am very blessed. We all meditate together, and Iggy reads our minds.

I am learning how to be embodied, open hearted to all, right here in this ever-expanding present moment. And, with this embodiment, my passions are so clear and being actualized. For many years, I had been waiting to start doing the things I really love, putting everyone and everything before myself (the research says this is often the case with breast cancer). I was slave driving myself to exhaustion with no real ‘me’ time. Now, on the weekends, while the boys nap, I get a few hours to myself, and I am finding time for painting, and, as a family, we are finding time for singing as well. I do notice when I get tapped into a heart coherent vibration, a state of flow opens up, and with it time expands, making space for the super fun stuff. I am learning to monopolize on this state of being during the week when I am doing things such as cooking, cleaning and tending to Iggy - all of which is more fun when I am tuned in and connected to unconditional happiness.

Following my inner guidance, and letting things unfold, as a Body-Mind-Spirit Coach, has led to me holding space for others to open up to their true selves. It’s most rewarding and a true inner calling. I wonder where else this expansion I am experiencing is leading! It’s all thrilling and quite the ride.

Well, that’s the journey…. RECOIL, EXPAND, REPEAT. Shadow to Light. All while holding the holy space in between.

I hope this letter finds you well. My heartfelt wish is for us all to follow our unique inner voice and unite with unconditional joy.

With gratitude, love and blessings.

In practice,

Mikiala