Hello, as most of my friends know I have survived several brain tumors. Along with that, I also had the added experience of taking a type of chemo to keep the tumors from growing, and I took that chemo for seven years. I guess the best way to put it is it was an experience. Later (several years) when I thought all of it was finally over I started noticing that my joints all over my body felt like I had been shaken to bits at some point in my life. I knew something was off, but I had no idea what it was. And my doctors couldn't pinpoint anything, and then I poured over my blood work. What was eosinophils anyway? And why does the chart say mine are so high? And why hasn't anyone said anything about it? Also, why are my Lymps so low? Anyway, long story short I was off to see another specialist who swore up hill & down that with the way my numbers looked he would be willing to bet that I had multiple myeloma, but he wanted to run a full blood panel to be sure. I knew multiple myeloma was a big deal & I hoped he was wrong, but those eosinophils were definitely not low & my chest seemed to cough more by the day, and I wasn't one to cough all that often. It was strange because this doctor's brother had the same brain tumor I did, and he was very surprised I chose the chemo as I had done. I didn't explain to him that my tumor wasn't caught early enough, and my tumor had herniated inside my skull, and then later once I was on my third tumor that it had grown aggressively each time in that short year and a half that the third biopsy had come up high grade malignant. I should make it clear that this giant brain tumor I had was supposed to be benign. Don't ever just let them tell you a brain tumor is benign and let them act all happy about it. I was pretty happy that day, that week just after Labor Day weekend in 2001. However, they wanted to hurry to get my tumor out because as the ER doctor said, "wait till you see this thing on the scan, they have to get it out soon. It is huge." The she kind of cried a little, and she said, "I've never had to tell someone they had a brain mass before." Sure enough I got in that busy Tuesday to see my doctor and she asked where I would like to go to get operated on, would I prefer someone local or maybe a larger better equipped hospital. I, having been born in NYC chose a better equipped hospital. Never one to shy away from a city, my doctor steered me toward U of Penn. So that sunny next Monday in September we made our way to Philly me all the while thinking, "God I just know my way around New York so much better," and my mind going 100 mph. You know I thought, all the streets are pretty straight in New York too. I mean Broadway isn't, but Geez. Just stupid thoughts, and anything to occupy my dumb brain because I really just kept hoping the doctor & I would click the next morning & I would feel calm.

That night my husband, who a few months later moved out and therefore started to become my ex husband, and I ate at Mortons. I had been once before as I had eaten a few times at some of the better steak houses in DC & Georgetown & I had been impressed with a few of them. I thought he would enjoy Mortons at least, and he seemed like he had. Besides steak we even ordered creamed spinach. After that we made our way to the hotel because that morning my appointment was at 9:00 AM.

The next morning my ex woke up & his big toe was the size of a couple golf balls, and I remember telling him he must have gout. He had drank beer that night, and the steak, and then the creamed spinach I am pretty sure my head was hurting still from tumor, but I bet his foot hurt like my head did. I kept telling him later on that day to please just go to the ER, but well he is a man is all I am going to say. I am sure he can still feel how bad he felt that foot hurt that day. And on that 11th of Sept we walked in the doctors office and he had us wait for a minute or two and then he walked in and apologized for the hold up which wasn't much of one, but he told us that a plane had hit one of the Twin towers. All I could picture in my head, and I should tell you that in those days right then my head actually felt like I had two heads, but they were packed into my one head. You know how when you get one of those really bad head colds and your head is all stuffy??? Well imagine if there was another head stuffed inside your head along with that? Well that was just how my head was. Anyway all I could fathom right then was that it was maybe a Cessna. Like how could something like this happen, unless it was a Cessna right? So, I listened to the doctor patiently, and heard his spiel, and then I gave him mine. With my endless list of questions. I was a bit concerned that he wasn't up to speed on my type of brain tumor and the issues with women and birth control, but I let it drop. After all a plane had hit one of towers, and the doctor assured me that with the size of my tumor they would like to start me on heavy steroids immediately so they could operate next week as the reason I was even having problems with words had nothing to do with the actual tumor just all the edema person that part of the brain. I was happy to hear that. I remember later when they operated & I was still taking the steroids and I got to see my face a week later I got to see where all the edema goes, and let's just say it isn't very freaking, pretty.

What kind of choices do you make when you still have two young kids to take care of, and people you care about, and care about their future? Do you chance that that herniated tumor with high grade cells is going to die away with the gamma knife, or do you knowing that sometimes the exact opposite can happen and those same malignant cells can turn & create an even worse outcome and present several tumors? Do you just roll the dice? I mean I have listened to experts, and I have found them wrong often. I have also found some that were right as rain.

But that isn't what this is about.

Long story short, I didn't have multiple myeloma. I did end up having to go on a medication called Nucala to get my eosinophils to come down for over two years till they went into remission. Yet, I am still dealing with all my medical issues to this day. I don't need to have another tumor out of my head very shortly, but my tumor margins are definitely not near as clean as they were after my last surgery. I have no idea why tumors enjoy growing in my skull, but they do. All in all out of pocket I have spent plenty going to doctor's appointments, surgeries, MRI's, an occasional CT for other BS, and also what insurance doesn't cover. And all this while I raised two children as a single mother. The reason I am finally asking for some help is mainly because I have never asked before, and the people that really know me know what I have been through, and to be honest it has been rough, really rough.

For me to ask for help is very difficult, and if you give thank you so much. I greatly appreciate it. And if you can't give please just forward this on to maybe someone who can help. As you might understand I still need money for my ongoing medical issues, and even just driving to and fro all this time has really depleted the money I once had, but also for what is to come with my ongoing medical issues. It just continues to cost, and it is difficult.

I tried very hard to raise my kids, and to be a mother to them & live to see them grow up. I had to dip into the savings I did have. Unfortunately, I lost a lot of my organizational skills after my second brain tumor operation, and I used to be able to juggle a lot balls in the air work wise. The fact that I lost that ability alone makes me crazy because my kids don't know the old me. Sometimes I still cry about that.

Please if any of my friends still remember back when I had my shit together, and can tell stories about that even if you can't give money I would also greatly appreciate that.

Once again, thank you all.