Help Char find her joy in life & break the stigma

In July, I received the most challenging call just about any parent could receive- Charlotte was suicidal and considering ending her own life. My daughter, my beautiful girl, this young woman who was always so full of life and joy to the world, had been holding her head high as she faced her own challenges, continuing to work as a carer for people living with advanced MS, pushing hard to keep up with her studies in nursing and paramedicine, and to bring her all to those she was working with, and to her friends and family. Living independently at 20, having moved interstate to Qld just before covid hit, the life she had dreamed of had slowly been becoming harder and harder for her. Isolated from family, without the opportunity to build a community around her, working hard to make ends meet and navigate this new adult life, and with past trauma beneath the surface, my girl was carrying a load. She was determined and driven to make it work. But depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts don’t just arise in an instant. Slowly, the day-to-day tasks and responsibilities began to feel more tiring, less moments spent enjoying the joys of life, less laughter, more feelings of isolation, sadness, overwhelm. She made it through this time in July with just a visit to the hospital, a visit from me, and by making a hard decision to lighten the load- deferring her university studies. And then, on October 3rd, she phoned me again. This time was even scarier, she truly felt she could not go on, she had lost herself, lost her will to keep fighting, she was losing her battle and she now had a plan to end her life.  It was the grief in her voice and in her eyes that scared me the most. Grieving the loss of herself and the vibrant young woman she has always known herself to be- a loss to deep for her to navigate. We agreed this time she needed to be hospitalised. We hung up the phone so she could call the crisis line who would send an ambulance. We then stayed on the phone and I talked her around the house to pack things to take, and when we heard the sirens of the ambulance we ended our call. I did not hear from her for five hours and when she called again, she was beside herself. She was sitting in the emergency department, in chairs that are reserved for psychiatric intake, and no-one had come to her. She felt stricken by the cold environment, the visible but clear distinction between the physically unwell and the mentally unwell people awaiting help. She wanted to go home. I phoned the hospital and begged them to promise me they would not allow her to leave the hospital that night, sharing that I was absolutely terrified that if she did, my beautiful girl, this living extension of my heart, would kill herself that night. It has now been almost two weeks since Charlotte was admitted to the Royal Brisbane and Women’s Hospital psychiatric ward. These weeks have been some of the hardest of our lives. The suicidal thoughts continue in the harder moments, and yet, soon she will be discharged back into the world. I am so scared for this time, as today I know she is safe, but it has been explained to me that regaining autonomy is so very important and in the ward there is little, that the experience of weeks in a psychiatric ward in itself can create additional trauma, and that the therapy that is needed to move through complex mental health challenges occurs in the community through case managers, psychologists, psychiatrists, support groups and a range of programs, some of which may take months to commence. I am scared, she is scared, but we know that she must continue to be as courageous as she has been so far, making it through each dark day, seeking the light that will bring back the joy in life. My daughter is a fighter, she is a true hero - she is seeking help, and she wants her story told and shared. Everyone who knows my girl know that she is kind, empathetic, intelligent, adventurous, ambitious, beautiful. Above all, she is one of the bravest people I have ever met as she wants to use this deeply challenging time to find her way, to help inspire others to find their way, and to shout to the world that it’s okay to ask for help, it’s okay to face mental illness, it’s okay to not be okay. To celebrate mental health week, I invite you to donate to this Go Fund Me to help set up a financial buffer for Char so that when she comes home, she can focus on her mental health, knowing there is the money on hand to pay for those everyday things that are sometimes just too much to manage on the path back to wellness- cleaning, cooking, bills, rent, fuel, and perhaps even to spoil herself a little. I am hoping to be able to see her as soon as the borders open. I have applied for an exemption, but it seems that this is not likely, so for now, we are just taking each day as it comes, and looking for each moment of light amidst the darkness. Thank you for your time to read this story for, your love, your support and for helping us to break the stigma- please share!!!