Please help me get back what depression took away

My husband died 3 years ago and I had a mental breakdown

My name is Dennis

After a 6 year battle with cancer, he died. After being his caretaker, especially during the last 2 years, I was exhausted and I went into shock Which threw me into a deep dark depression that lasted 3 years. At that time I was heavily addicted to painkillers as was an anonymous dependent who was living with me. This is where my bad decisions started. This dependent went and got our pills off the street. I was spending hundreds of dollars every week keeping us supplied. I was in a deep dark depression but I didn't have the term depression anywhere in my mind. I literally felt like I could not move. In order for us to eat, I spent more hundreds of dollars on food deliveries. I ordered for every meal. I could not move from the couch except to go to the bedroom. This was my life. I sat and watched TV during the day, and then at night I would turn on my bedroom TV and it would help me fall asleep. I felt like I was surrounded by darkness. I did not want to get out of the darkness. I just did not want to be here. I would pray over and over again that God would let me die. Well finally when I realized that he wasn't going to help me, I took a chance at taking My own life. My dependent caught me and took me to the emergency room. This led to me being admitted to a mental hospital for a week. They diagnosed me with major depressive disorder. They gave me medicine to help with withdrawals. It worked for my addiction but had no effect on my depression. They set me up with ongoing mental health treatments at a different facility. Unfortunately I was still so stuck in the darkness that I barely used these treatments. I still did not want to move and I was still stuck in the same darkness day after day. Soon after this my dependent moved out. He got help for his addiction and freed himself. So we were both free from drugs finally. I was happy for him but not for myself. I was so incredibly lonely and depressed. So the next bad decision I made was that I got a roommate. I knew I needed someone to pay me rent. I met this 32-year-old deaf man online. He had a good job and seemed stable enough. So I asked him to move in and pay me rent. He quit his job the day after he moved in, He couldn't find another job but he promised me he would. He made feeble attempts at taking care of me and the house but those never lasted long. I felt so bad for him that I didn't see what was really going on. He started asking me to buy him things like a computer, an exercise bike and many other things on Amazon. Blindly through my darkness I did buy him all of these things. He never did find a job. Several months later I realized that my bank account was empty from all of my spending. As soon as he realized this he disappeared one night and left me a note saying he couldn't live with my depression and suicidal thoughts. That was when I finally realized what he had done to me. Young man takes advantage of older disabled man. This did not help with my depression. I had no financial resources so I just let all of my bills go unpaid. I had not started my car in about 6 months and the battery died. It is still sitting in my driveway untouched. I let my insurance and registration expire. I just did not have the energy or the money to take care of it. I was so stuck in darkness I didn't see what I was doing to myself.

Fast forward to last month. It seems my doctor finally got my medication right . And my fear About being broke. I'm not really sure what did it but I snapped out of my depression and started caring about things again. Yay for me! But now I am stuck because I got 3 months behind on my mortgage payments. This is why I'm trying to raise 6k. I just need to get caught up on the mortgage. After that I plan on selling this house which is too big for me and very hard for me to live in. Everywhere in this house are bad memories of My husband dying in the bedroom and all of the darkness that I went through in this house. I am not someone who asks for help. Ever. But I have no choice if I want to Survive and start moving Forward out of the depression. Yes I broke free of the darkness but I still have many symptoms of depression that I need to put behind me. Thank you for reading my story and if you can find it in your heart to donate to my cause I promise to pay it forward as soon as I have the chance.