Please help me be there for my boy

I truly never believed I would be in this position with my health? And asking for help from strangers to stay alive.

My name is Madeline, I’m a 46 year old single mum to an 8 year old boy.

Two years ago my life changed forever. During a routine surgery I had a shock finding, I woke up from my operation to 52 staples down my stomach and my surgeon explaining how he had removed a tumour the size of a squashed football. In doing so, he had to remove my ovaries, tubes, cervix, appendix, part of my small bowel and some of my peritoneum (stomach lining). He continued to explain that when I had recovered from this major operation I would have to go through chemotherapy to manage the cancer cells that remained (too small to see), this would be my life as it was incurable and I would never be cancer-free.

I’ve always been optimistic, bubbly and positive, a glass half full type but this information devastated me. Naturally my thoughts turned to my son and the thought of not seeing him grow-up gave me the fight in my belly and the strength to not give up.

After two weeks in hospital I returned home, unable to walk very far, sit or stand up on my own. My recovery was hard but I made it with the support of my amazing sister and friends to keep me going.

Doctors were telling me how rare my cancer was, 1 in two million and that they had very little data on it to know what to do next. My heart dropped. Who else do you turn to in a time like this? They said it was incurable but with chemotherapy I may live 5 to 10 years.

I vowed, this was not going to be my only option, I had to be here for my boy. I need to see my boy grow up, be there when he needs me.

Anyway as soon as I was strong enough I started a course of chemotherapy. It had its setbacks but overall I felt hopeful. I had a port fitted and received chemotherapy intravenously fortnightly. I had to stay connected for three days even sleeping with it. The bag we called ‘daisy’ and the chemotherapy we called ‘sunshine fluids.’

While I suffered the common side effects, nausea, tiredness and pins and needles i also suffered from a twisted bowel. This was really scary and incredibly painful. It was caused by the excess scar tissue and I now have to follow a strict low residue diet to ensure that it doesn't happen again.

After eleven months of chemotherapy, we had some amazing news, the CT scan had revealed that the cancer had disappeared. I thanked my lucky stars, it was a miracle and I felt euphoric. I remember squeezing my little boy with tears of relief streaming down my face, ‘we did it’ he cried ‘my love and sunshine fluids have cured you.’

However, the cancer is incurable and I had to undergo CT scans every six months. Unfortunately, following a CT scan a year later, I was told that the cancer was back.

I was reluctant to put my body through intravenous chemotherapy again so started to research alternatives. I read up about a procedure called HIPEC and finally thought I might be able to get my life back.

During a HIPEC procedure they open you up, flush warm chemotherapy into the area with the cancer cells, scrape away the dead cells and sew you back up. It would be a huge procedure, 16 to 18 hours long and carries risks. There can be complications but it has a 98% cure rate and at this point I am willing to try anything.

I was told it was risky and that not many surgeons would be willing to perform a HIPEC on me because of my previous surgery. Finally I found a surgeon willing to consider performing the HIPEC. I was ecstatic and I met the consultant in London. After a review of several CT scans and MDT meetings he agreed I would be an ideal candidate for this life-saving operation.

I couldn’t believe it, the thought of getting my life back. I would be able to plan things with my little boy, maybe find a partner and began to believe that I may just get the chance to see my boy (my world) grow up.

I just needed to wait for a date to have the operation.

This next bit is where you guys come in, as just two weeks ago, I received a phone call from the hospital that turned my world upside down. My surgeon, the amazing, talented guy who had promised to perform the operation, was leaving the NHS and I was no longer on his surgical list.

My heart broke. I called his NHS secretary, my oncologist, nurse specialist to find out how this could happen and where this left me. They tried to reassure me that they will sort it, but they couldn’t tell me who would operate or when I could expect to be operated on. I was devastated.

I tried to explain in phone calls and emails to my oncologist and nurse specialist that having this operation literally makes the difference of living three years with regular chemotherapy or another thirty years and potentially beating this disease altogether.

I called my surgeon’s private secretary and while she expressed sympathy, she quoted an eye-watering £80,000 minimum if I was to have the HIPEC operation done privately.

I explained that I don’t have that kind of money, my family aren’t wealthy and I don’t own my own home, I can’t work because of this disease and I was at a loss of what to do. She suggested I start a ‘go fund me’ page.

So here we are.

I can only have the operation while the cancer cells are small, if they grow or multiply, no surgeon will agree to operate.

All I want is to see my boy grow up. Please let me be the mum I want to be to my boy. Any help is hugely appreciated and I’d literally owe you my life.