Donna had health problems over the years longer than we were together. She was a fighter and much tougher than me. But stuff caught up to her in Dec 2018. She has only been gone a week yet Im overwhelmed with bills and burial stuff and lawyers. Ill be clear in this post. I cant do this and I desperately need help.
We're pretty private people...even putting our pic and name out on the web is scary to me. Normally Id never do it. But I am forced to by the loss of my soulmate and circumstances. It was earlier this year I think it was our well pump died and I had to come here and ask for help. That was bad....this is terrible. I dont want to be here and I know she wouldn't. But she always told me if someone can help and asks to it means they want to and can do it and to accept it. So Im asking and I will accept it.
Our wedding photo.....
We are both....I still say we.....disabled. Her since the late 80s me since I was a kid.. We got by day to day. Some months were better. Some not. Some months we ate saltine crackers, ramen, and water for the week. Others we could get a fast food meal. We didn't qualify for food stamps. We were over $17 and for that $17 they took away $400 in food stamps...so $400 in food.
And now to the point. We were in bankruptcy. I still am. I wont go into details but it costs more to die than live sometimes. For us it seems both. We are SO close to finishing our bankruptcy. We wanted to pay off our bills not shirk them. Its taken us 4 years nearly and we have only 7 or 8 payments left. But Lil'D died Jan 3. from a sudden stroke and complications. Out of the blue and I dont think Ill ever get over it. I dont even want to. She was my world my true soulmate. I wish I wasn't here but it seems God needs me to go on.
She handled everything. Im playing catch up. But half the money has instantly been removed from the home. Ive had some donations that will help but I still need help. I cannot do this. Ive been working all day every day to find an answer. Right now there is none but to throw myself out here and beg. I need to pay the funeral home some stuff and to place an obituary. I also have GOT to keep our home. But I need time....a few months. I need to keep that bankruptcy up so I can get stuff in my name or find any life insurance. She was meticulous about having it and it was supposed to pay off some of the bills. She was amazing and still is but her system of organizing is beyond me. Im tearing the house apart. Its old and not in good shape but its home. All our memories are here. The smell of her perfume is still around. The clothes she owned and the ones she left as I rushed her to the hospital are still where she left them. I CANNOT lose this. Its all I have left of her. Its her childhood home.
I hate to sound so whiny and desperate but by God I am. If I could find some way to pay the $670 a month bankruptcy payment I could float and get by with maybe even $30 bucks left over a month. Im not trying to get rich or buy something......other than keep our life and home. I guess you could say I am trying to buy time.
Im on a fixed disability income. I wont be able to draw more to help or any off her to help. I got a death benefit from it. Little more than $200. Its like blood money. I wish I could find any life insurance but its not happening.
Please consider helping if you can. With some help I can pay some of the bills that have to be taken care of because of her death. It really is expensive. I truly appreciate any help and all help. Spread the word. Ask me anything. Ill post more and try to find more pics. She was awfully shy and private. Id stick a camera in her face and her hands came up. Got lots of pics of hands :) But Ill find some.
Brian aka Booty
Again ask anything but please dont be rude or anything. Im having a hell of a time just getting through days. But anything will help. I have a hole in my life but not my heart. She will always be with me and Ill see her again one day. Right now though the world is reaching all it's hands in at me.
Us at her high school reunion in 2013