Peace's Journey: Overcoming Job and Marriage Loss

[looking at the picture above reminds me of when I thought I could hold it together, I could weather it all alone while being delusional about my declining health and hair loss. But I was keeping myself in delulu land for survival.]

My name is Peace Zodanou and I'm a Black, queer, [insert more marginalization here] writer and mom.

Just recently I told someone that asking strangers for money is so embarrassing I'd rather die. Well, it turns out that when you do a web search for how to unalive yourself, at the top of the result page is a number to call. And talk to someone.

While I didn't call to talk to anyone, I was so surprised it drew a bitter laugh out of me.

What's going on

TLDR - Last summer I got laid off from my job and less than a month later my marriage ended. Fast forward to now, the co-parent is moving out and leaving me with the kids and a mortgage. I have a new job that pays less than what I used to earn and I need help with utilities and living expenses for the rest of this year.

Long version - Last summer I got laid off from my job through no fault of my own. My guess is the company did what most companies do in the US. Cut a position here and place it overseas. I'm pretty sure that was my case because when I started sending out applications I came across the exact position I used to hold at that company within the same week I was laid off, except it was based out of the US.

Losing my job was the straw that finally broke the camel's back when it comes to my marriage. It was already deteriorating but I was doing what I was raised to do, try everything in my power to fix things and hold it together for the kids, especially since I was the one constantly blamed for "how things got here".

I lost my job and realized fixing my marriage or trying to make it work wasn't worth taking an anti-nausea tablet with every meal so I don't throw up after one bite. Fixing my marriage wasn't worth the bald spots on my head. So I said I was done.

Fast forward to now. I'm three months into a new job that pays less. The co-parent who earns way more than I do is moving to their new place. The amount they determined they can contribute as child support is not nearly enough. Every interaction with this person is triggering to me even when civil. A lawyer, this gofundme and a new job, will help streamline and finalize everything, hopefully this year.

What I need

My entire check after I make payments to credit card debt is going to the mortgage.

This is how you'll be helping me:

With 800 dollars a month I can manage utilities and living expenses for the kids, not including emergencies, not including my needs.

800 dollars for May-December is 6400 US dollars.

I need money to cover fees for an LGBTQIA friendly law firm to handle divorce paperwork and such. That's an additional 2800 US dollars.

What I'm doing

I've reached out to people I trust in the writing community for help before setting up this gofundme.

I'm juggling two writing projects in hopes of getting them ready for a simultaneous submission.

I pushed my health issues to the side because I can't afford them and can only hope the Universe will be kind enough to keep this body functioning for a long while.

I'm applying to jobs that pay better than my current one.

But Peace why can't you x,y,z?

I don't have a support system here. I'm a naturalized immigrant and the only family I have here is so emotionally abusive we're no contact.

My mom says I should not get a divorce. Nobody want their child, their first born to become a pariah. And I bet she doesn't want the shame and disgrace either.

My dad, well let's not even.

My in-laws ignored my plea for help. I get it.

If you can't donate but want to help

Please share this with your circle. I feel like throwing up as I'm typing this, but at least I can say "I tried that too".

If you know of any opportunity to audition for IP work reach out to me on BlueSky for my agent's contact.

I can't take on another 9-5 job because I don't have anyone who will step in for me when it comes to my children. The last thing I need right now is to be accused of being a negligent parent.

If you've read this far, thank you and I hope you won't judge me too harshly for begging for money.