Help me pay my bills, help me eat and get caught up again

Hello, my name is Daisy. I am 25 and living in the UK. I consider myself transgender and use She/Her pronouns.

To start with I'd like to exclaim how hard it is for me to ask for money; I know how that must sound but I've always had an issue with asking for help. For example if I absolutely must ask a friend or a family member for money, I never tell them how much, I just tell them however much they can afford. I'm not entirely sure the reasoning for the feeling of complete guilt and embarrassment but I think it has something to do with the fact that I never want to show weakness to those around me. I don't want people to worry about me and that I want to be a role model or someone people can look up to. I understand that everybody has problems and everybody struggles but if you live in your own head as much as I do you will understand that you are always the worlds biggest hypocrite when it comes to following advice and guidance.

I also want to preface that I do get money from the government, but most of it goes towards my rent, bills, and debt at this time.

I will talk about the issues that I have in order of importance (In my opinion).

Food

For the past few days now I have hardly eaten, and seem to be getting rather weak. I can't afford food, and I only have 3 Microwave Meals/TV Dinners, and maybe enough for one bowl of cereal. I've dropped around 7kg within 2 weeks (which I'm not exactly sad about), but it's very clear that it's because I am not eating. If anybody could help me, it would be incredible just to get me through. Even just enough for 1 day helps a tonne.

Bills & Debt

1a) Starting off, I have had a major issue with my energy company and they refuse to acknowledge there may be any issue on their end. I am seemingly being charged enough money per month for 4 separate apartments, and I have spoken with them countless times, it's been fixed, and reverted. My outstanding balance that they wish to receive from me is above, I have refused to pay until I know the issue and because I cannot afford it - And they want to take me to court because of unpaid bills.

I could go into detail about what I have been doing to try and resolve this problem but it would just be me doing whatever I can in my power to contact them and try to fix this issue - And all I can do is call. Again, and again, and again. Which is what I've been doing for the past 2 years, I'm out of options. Simply put I'm 25 years old with a panic disorder and anxiety and a shopping list of problems wrong with my head and the thought of going to court about bills and being prosecuted or fined further terrifies me. My plan is to pay them what I owe them as soon as possible, and leave the company for another company, and that is one reason why I'm making this GoFundMe.

1b) My mobile bill. Now my mobile isn't the most important thing in the world to me, but the debt that I am in is pretty important to me. There is no excuses for this other than the fact that the phone bill has been unpaid for months and has amounted up to a pretty scary number.

I have been disconnected from my mobile services until this outstanding balance has been paid off which means I cannot make phone calls, send texts or use my mobile data. This really stinks because I struggle to go outside already due to anxiety but music, texting friends or being on call with somebody helps me stupendously and makes the whole experience insanely easier. I am overweight and trying my best to gain the mental control to lose weight but this is yet another obstacle in my way that I just can't overcome. This is the second reason why I'm making the GoFundMe.

Mental Health Concerns & Life Story (Trigger Warning: Heavy Topics)

This is an extremely long section so I apologise in advance, you don't have to read this - I just don't want people to think that I'm just being lazy and choose not to work, or that it's easy for me to try and work. This is essentially my life story.

I've been suffering with mental health issues since I was around 15. My single mother started to get deep into debt and seriously depressed around this time, and we lived together alone. Every day I would come home from school, and sit in my room waiting patiently for her to come home from her job so I could console her. Without fail, every single day she cried to me on my shoulder for years, and she would tell me the most dumbfounding things that I never thought I would hear my mother say. One thing that sticks out to me is that she said that she wanted to take her own life and mine too because she didn't want me to see the horrors of the world and how truly dark and demented it can be. This took a toll on my mental health and I started self harming, I started cutting myself.

When I was 16 I started college, but dropped out in the first month to get a job, so I could help my mother with the rent and so that we wouldn't become homeless. I worked 2 different jobs until I was 18, and we finally got an eviction notice. This devastated us both since we were both extremely important to each other and each other is all we really had. My mothers mental health continued to decline, as did mine. I was diagnosed with BPD, Depression and anxiety at 18. Whilst working these jobs I had thought countless times of taking my own life. Thankfully I've never attempted but I've been very close.

Since we were now homeless, we both struggled for a while to find a place to live. She moved in with her sister, I moved in with my father. I was still working when I began to live with my father, but at 19 I was involved in a car accident on the way home from a bartending job I was working. I had booked an uber to come and collect me since it was too late for any busses to come and collect me. On the way home my Uber Driver had hit a cyclist and slammed on his brakes, because he stopped so fast a car had hit us from behind also. I got out of the car to see what was going on, and the cyclist was laid out on the road in a star pose looking up into the sky. I ran over to him, stood over him and squatted down. I asked if he could hear me, with blood rolling down the street from the back of his head, he let out a groan that I'll never forget the noise of. That was his last breath, and he died in front of me. That was a rough night and it's very hard to relive. I was then diagnosed with PTSD. I got fired because of the accident because of how terrified I was to leave the house again.

At the same time I was being psychologically abused by my father. He would do things like unplug the internet power cable and bring it to work with him to 'motivate me to get a job'. I would always cook for him when I cooked because he got home late, and I made sure there was something for him to eat when he came home, but 90% of the time he would reject it. This didn't go both ways, some days he would use the excuse that I was up in my room for too long so he assumed I wouldn't want to eat, and wouldn't make food for me. I don't want to sound like a spoiled kid at all, but these are ways that he would make my life a living nightmare. I never expected him to make food for me, but he always expected me to make food for him after work, and never eat it. He would yell at me for talking to him, and asking how his day was. He would yell at me for leaving a few plates in the sink, or even leaving them to dry on the drying rack.

We ended up hating each other, and he kicked me out when I was 21. I was made homeless again, and went to live in a homeless charity shelter house for about 9 months. On my first night there I heard someone beating his girlfriend in the bathtub, which only turned me more into a recluse and I never went outside. I had other people grocery shop for me, I ate dry raw noodles, dry cereal, and anything that was ready made because I was so scared to just go into the kitchen. Another strange encounter I had there was from someone else that was living underneath me who said he 'had a friend who loves kids just like me'. Side note: This was also when I was experimenting and finding out that I considered myself transgender, yay :).

After 9 months of me begging the government to help me and rehouse me, I finally got my own apartment that I still live in now. I am eternally grateful for the opportunity to live alone, though it does get lonely. I have been here for about 2-3 years now and everything that has happened in the past has mounded into a mountain of problems that make it very difficult for me to do anything. I am now unable to work because I can't go outside which makes money an issue for me.

That's my life story, and I apologise for rambling on. It's important that context is needed because to be quite honest if I was going to give someone money to help them through their problems I'd want to know a back story or context to know that they aren't lazy or just straight up lying. If you read it then I thank you eternally, it means the world to me that you would even put this much time into me let alone open this page.