This is Fat Ng, some of you may remember him from our childhood. He used to pick us up from school, take us on trips to Chinatown, the park, or pick us up from playdates at your place.

He spent his earlier years raising me and my 3 siblings and we have come to adopt him as our grandfather figure. No blood children of his own, but a son of his wife and her previous partner. It has always been important to us to sustain this bond because other than us, he doesn't really have anyone.

When we grew older, he came by less often. However, we managed to talk on the phone every night. Our ability to speak Cantonese and his to speak English stayed very elementary. We would have simple conversations of whether or not I had eaten or if I had a good day. I would ask if he went to get ice cream from the truck that frequently drives by because that was one of his favorite things to do on a hot summer day. He lived in New Jersey so the phone calls and visits were a reminder that we were here for him.

Our uncle gave him a smartphone so that he could use an application to talk to his brother in China. Our nightly phone calls began to dwindle since he switched to a smartphone that we failed to teach him how to use due to the language barrier.

He was diagnosed with Parkinson's Disease in 2013, ever since his body has begun to atrophy.

He would wake up in the mornings and head to the backyard where he would do a few aerobic exercises and head to the dining table to read his Chinese newspaper.

His muscular function begun to slow down. His hesitation became greater over time. However, he consistently inched his way over to the dining table every morning.

In January, overwhelmed with depression he said
"I need to go to the hospital and this time I'm not making it out"

"You have to stay strong for us, for the girls" our uncle convinced him

He would on the other hand ask where we were and our uncle would respond by saying "the girls are away at school."

Our uncle tried to hide the fact that he was in the hospital assuming he would be out soon. Either letting our grandfather's phone ring to voicemail or claiming he was already sleeping. Because he wanted to protect us from the heartbreak or burden of old age.

Our mother let the news slip to us and we immediately called our uncle out and went to see him.

He had pneumonia. The doctors concluded that he had lost his ability to control his throat muscles sending food and water into his lungs. They surgically implanted a feeding tube into his stomach and prohibited him of consuming food orally.

This was the main way we were able to relate and share our love for him--through splurging on food and sweets from Chinatown. He used to say in the few english words he knew "oh, this is good" and "yummy yummy." The hospital he was initially sent to was wonderful. The nurses were kind and worked well with him.

Things were looking hopeful.

He was released into a nursing home where he would be rehabilitated and sent home.

A nursing home  in Jersey City hosted him for a few days, bringing him to physical and speech therapy for a few minutes a day.

(Trying to stand and walk after being hospitalized for a month)

Our uncle was called in by the social worker who tried to persuade him that it would be best if we got my grandfather to sign his life insurance to the nursing home. Our uncle was hesitant. In follow up conversations they proceeded to threaten to discharge our grandfather if he did not comply. Our uncle tried to see if he could enroll him in a home with staff or patients who spoke Cantonese, but we were met with long waiting lines. He was worried that putting my Grandfather through this would take a toll on his health, so our uncle let him sign the papers.

As soon as that happened, the facility stopped bringing him to therapy. They stopped giving him the attention and assistance he needed.

He was doing really well the first weeks that my sisters and I were able to frequently visit him. We could inspire and motivate him to get better. We tried to translate instructions that were given to him by the doctors. It is apparent how much having the presence and support of someone who can communicate with him is.

Let me lay this out further. We were told by the social worker that the nursing home which he would be sent to has Cantonese speaking workers. However, when we got there none of the nurses and caretakers spoke Cantonese. My grandfather speaks Cantonese and elementary English. Our uncle and us kids have very limited Chinese vocabulary. Our grandma speaks Chinese and Thai and little English. She is a very talkative woman hard of hearing and without any hearing aid. She is the only person my grandfather is around consistently.

                                   (First week at the hospital)

Every day my grandma wakes up before sunrise to prepare food for herself for the day. My uncle drives my grandma to the nursing home where she sits besides him in a chair from 9AM-8PM when visiting hours end to keep him company.

He just lays there with no one to converse with and nothing to do.

He is filled with a jolt of energy every time me and my sisters come to visit and remind him of our love for him. He looks and feels exponentially better our uncle says.

We want to discharge him, because he wants to be in the comfort of his own home. However, our uncle is frequently met with lower back and leg issues and our grandmother is aging and fragile as well.

They believe that this is the best option and it is what we can afford without losing him. I do not know how to deal with this. We would love to be able to have him comfortable in his home. I want him to work with physical therapists and speech therapists. I want him to have a nurse who can communicate with him and have faith in his ability to live in a more lively state.

It would even be a treat to gain a position in a facility with someone who speaks his language, provides the care he needs and deserves, and someone who can offer him a bit of company.

I am reaching out to everyone to help me achieve this goal. He lives on the second floor of a home in New Jersey. We would like to get him a nurse who could check in on him, a wheelchair so we could take him out, and a speech therapist to help teach us how to help strengthen him and track his progress.

He has the strength within him, he just needs to be in the right environment with the right care. 

I want to bring him home where he can feel comfortable. Where he feel safe and happy waking up with my grandma by his side.

If you are able to donate anything at all, or offer advice or connections it would be greatly appreciated!


Much Love,
Senna