Hi everyone. Thank you to every single person who has shared kind words, love, thoughts, prayers, stories, and everything over the past few days. So many people are asking what they can do to help, I am overwhelmed and humbled with the love and appreciate it to my very core. I have been conflicted on whether to create this but ultimately believe it is the best way I can ask for support right now. But I also want to give some backstory.
For the entire length of my life that I can recall, my mom has suffered from severe mental health concerns. Even in spite of this, her love and caring for me and my dad has always been as strong as she is in the face of what has just happened. But as some know and others do not, mom on very, very, very rare occasions even left the house for over 20 years. This is with the exception of a small handful of special moments she pushed through with the help of limited medication due to insufficient health care and through horrible panic attacks. But beyond those, even leaving the front porch can trigger uncontrollable reactions.
This year has been a breakthrough year despite the horrible pain and challenges. Back in March, mom spent 2 weeks in the hospital during a near death experience. Unbelievably, this was an amazing turning point. In addition to quitting smoking and equipped with medication and openly seeking treatment for therapy and physical therapy for the first time, mom is a new person and in dad’s words, is like the person he first met and fell in love with when they were young. This does not mean there are no challenges, there are a plethora of them. As anyone who knows anything about mental health, things are a roller coaster. But with the support of my dad, my grandma, close friends, and myself, mom has overcome a lot this year. Leaving the house more often for walks, doctors appointments, and as many of you saw recently, even going to vote.
All of this has happened in the face of my parents losing their house of 30 years. This eviction was coming for a long time due to many challenges that are too great to go into here. But through this, my dad remained the hardest worker I’ve ever known. Doing yard work, landscaping, plumbing, construction, painting, carpentry and essentially anything any of his clients wanted every single day he could. Including some folks who became more than clients and have very few or no other supports - such as the blind 80+ year old Ms. Pat, who has essentially become attached to our family for the past 10 years and another adopted grandmother. Even when losing the house of 30 years, dad never relented in the joy, laughter, and care he wanted to bring to every person.
After some very difficult conversations and moments, and an unbelievable amount of work preparing to move mom and dad out of their house of 30 years (which was only possible due to the most loyal friends I can ask for supporting me), we decided it was best to make the transition at the end of August. My grandma, who anyone who knows her - is the most giving and hardest working 76 year old woman I know - opened her home to my parents.
The most heartbreaking part of my dad’s passing but also the part currently giving me the most solace is that the last two and a half months have been the happiest my family has been in years. For the first time in years, we could share in each other’s company without the huge burdens that have haunted us for so long. Mom and dad, motivated by the hope of a better life I spoke with them about this past summer, were so happy. Mom, dad, and grandma were having amazing home cooked dinners that dad prepared. A joy that had been taken away for so long due to the disastrous condition of the kitchen in the Bowie home. Following strict Covid precautions, I would join them and the handful of dinners and tv nights we’ve shared together these last two months are going to forever be some of the happiest moments of my life. It finally felt like we could all breathe and things were looking up.
So the tragedy of this is that all this was cut short and mom, grandma, and I are heartbroken. We have faith we will make it through this like we have every other challenge life has even thrown at us. But it is scary. The solace I take in all of this that allowed me to hold my dad’s hand as he passed away on Monday night, is he died happier than ever. With zero doubt of the amount of love we had for him and he had for us.
Moving forward, my biggest concern is caring for my mom and grandma and ensuring we stay on this path. I do not want Grandma to work more than she already does at 76 years old to bring in more money. I wish she didn’t have to work at all. I do not want to lose the remarkable and incredible progress mom is making. This is a setback but mom told me yesterday, we have adventures to have in dad’s name. Realizing the promise of a new joyful life we were creating.
I know I will always make sure my family is taken care of. But I would be lying right now if I said anything other than, I am stressed. So to answer the question, is there anything you can do to support, I believe having some additional funds to make up for the costs of dad’s death and caring for my mom as she continues to fight her mental illness and the physical challenges she faces, would be a huge relief for us all - perhaps me most of all.
I do not expect anyone to give anything great. Any small amounts you can contribute add up. Also - please know I cherish and appreciate everyone sending thoughts and love that is not in a place to contribute anything. Your love and kindness is powering me right now. Thank you, truly. If you would rather give through Venmo or other means, my Venmo account is John-Quinn-321 or contact me directly and we can arrange something else.
Again, this is just one way that if you are looking for a way to support my family during this difficult moment, you can. We appreciate all the love and kindness.
Due to Covid and costs, we will not be having any kind of service. Dad will be cremated in the coming days and I look forward to leaving some of his ashes in some of his favorite places. We are hoping that perhaps in the spring or summer, we can hold a cookout or celebration in honor of my dad. Some of my best memories as a kid were the holiday cookouts in the Old Bowie neighborhood my dad hosted in our backyard for the entire neighborhood. I think that would be a great way to celebrate dad not in a sad way but in a happy, joyous, fun, and laughter filled way - just like him.
Thank you for your time. Thank you for the love.
p.s. the picture of me, mom, and dad at my Bucknell graduation was the single happiest moment I've ever witness him. I am living my dreams because of him. And he was in the words of a close friend "ready to physically burst from his energy and pride at graduation."
John
For the entire length of my life that I can recall, my mom has suffered from severe mental health concerns. Even in spite of this, her love and caring for me and my dad has always been as strong as she is in the face of what has just happened. But as some know and others do not, mom on very, very, very rare occasions even left the house for over 20 years. This is with the exception of a small handful of special moments she pushed through with the help of limited medication due to insufficient health care and through horrible panic attacks. But beyond those, even leaving the front porch can trigger uncontrollable reactions.
This year has been a breakthrough year despite the horrible pain and challenges. Back in March, mom spent 2 weeks in the hospital during a near death experience. Unbelievably, this was an amazing turning point. In addition to quitting smoking and equipped with medication and openly seeking treatment for therapy and physical therapy for the first time, mom is a new person and in dad’s words, is like the person he first met and fell in love with when they were young. This does not mean there are no challenges, there are a plethora of them. As anyone who knows anything about mental health, things are a roller coaster. But with the support of my dad, my grandma, close friends, and myself, mom has overcome a lot this year. Leaving the house more often for walks, doctors appointments, and as many of you saw recently, even going to vote.
All of this has happened in the face of my parents losing their house of 30 years. This eviction was coming for a long time due to many challenges that are too great to go into here. But through this, my dad remained the hardest worker I’ve ever known. Doing yard work, landscaping, plumbing, construction, painting, carpentry and essentially anything any of his clients wanted every single day he could. Including some folks who became more than clients and have very few or no other supports - such as the blind 80+ year old Ms. Pat, who has essentially become attached to our family for the past 10 years and another adopted grandmother. Even when losing the house of 30 years, dad never relented in the joy, laughter, and care he wanted to bring to every person.
After some very difficult conversations and moments, and an unbelievable amount of work preparing to move mom and dad out of their house of 30 years (which was only possible due to the most loyal friends I can ask for supporting me), we decided it was best to make the transition at the end of August. My grandma, who anyone who knows her - is the most giving and hardest working 76 year old woman I know - opened her home to my parents.
The most heartbreaking part of my dad’s passing but also the part currently giving me the most solace is that the last two and a half months have been the happiest my family has been in years. For the first time in years, we could share in each other’s company without the huge burdens that have haunted us for so long. Mom and dad, motivated by the hope of a better life I spoke with them about this past summer, were so happy. Mom, dad, and grandma were having amazing home cooked dinners that dad prepared. A joy that had been taken away for so long due to the disastrous condition of the kitchen in the Bowie home. Following strict Covid precautions, I would join them and the handful of dinners and tv nights we’ve shared together these last two months are going to forever be some of the happiest moments of my life. It finally felt like we could all breathe and things were looking up.
So the tragedy of this is that all this was cut short and mom, grandma, and I are heartbroken. We have faith we will make it through this like we have every other challenge life has even thrown at us. But it is scary. The solace I take in all of this that allowed me to hold my dad’s hand as he passed away on Monday night, is he died happier than ever. With zero doubt of the amount of love we had for him and he had for us.
Moving forward, my biggest concern is caring for my mom and grandma and ensuring we stay on this path. I do not want Grandma to work more than she already does at 76 years old to bring in more money. I wish she didn’t have to work at all. I do not want to lose the remarkable and incredible progress mom is making. This is a setback but mom told me yesterday, we have adventures to have in dad’s name. Realizing the promise of a new joyful life we were creating.
I know I will always make sure my family is taken care of. But I would be lying right now if I said anything other than, I am stressed. So to answer the question, is there anything you can do to support, I believe having some additional funds to make up for the costs of dad’s death and caring for my mom as she continues to fight her mental illness and the physical challenges she faces, would be a huge relief for us all - perhaps me most of all.
I do not expect anyone to give anything great. Any small amounts you can contribute add up. Also - please know I cherish and appreciate everyone sending thoughts and love that is not in a place to contribute anything. Your love and kindness is powering me right now. Thank you, truly. If you would rather give through Venmo or other means, my Venmo account is John-Quinn-321 or contact me directly and we can arrange something else.
Again, this is just one way that if you are looking for a way to support my family during this difficult moment, you can. We appreciate all the love and kindness.
Due to Covid and costs, we will not be having any kind of service. Dad will be cremated in the coming days and I look forward to leaving some of his ashes in some of his favorite places. We are hoping that perhaps in the spring or summer, we can hold a cookout or celebration in honor of my dad. Some of my best memories as a kid were the holiday cookouts in the Old Bowie neighborhood my dad hosted in our backyard for the entire neighborhood. I think that would be a great way to celebrate dad not in a sad way but in a happy, joyous, fun, and laughter filled way - just like him.
Thank you for your time. Thank you for the love.
p.s. the picture of me, mom, and dad at my Bucknell graduation was the single happiest moment I've ever witness him. I am living my dreams because of him. And he was in the words of a close friend "ready to physically burst from his energy and pride at graduation."
John