Our Bubbe's Battle with Stage IV Pancreatic cancer
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Before I share our story and why this Go Fund Me page, is so important to my sisters and I, it is important that you understand who our mother is to our family, to the community we grew up in, and to her circle of friends that spans greater than 50 years.
Our mom…Marlene Goodfriend, is exactly what her last name states ‘Good Friend’. Marlene is strong, resilient, a fighter, compassionate, and I could go on with many more. She was born in Chicago, in 1939, to Zola and Jack Goodfriend along with an older sister Rosalie and an older brother Alvin. Unfortunately, she lost both of her parents before I was 11 years old., her sister when she was in her mid-30’s (I was around 3 or 4) and most recently, lost her brother within the past couple years. Most tragically, her mother passed, 3 months before my oldest sister was born. It is both a blessing and a curse, to lose a loved one, when you are so young. God saves us from the pain and hurt while we’re young but boy does, he make-up for it later in life. Our mother has been tested so many times, experienced so much loss within her life, yet she remains strong, she remains resilient, she continues to fight the fight, and why? There is only 1 answer for why she fights so hard, it is for her children, me and my 2 sisters (whom I will introduce shortly).
She grew up in Chicago, Humboldt Park to be more specific. She went to high school downtown and would share stories of the 3 buses she would take, to get to school each day, in the rain, snow, ice, and of course, the nice days too! She met our father Al Olefsky in 1960 and a year later, they were married.
They started their family early and in 1963, my oldest sister was born, Zoe Caryl (after her grandmother) Zola. Shortly thereafter, my father had the opportunity to run his own business and they moved to Champaign in 1964. In 1966, Jayne Beth (that’s me) came along and in 1968, our little sister, Hollis Rae made the final edition to our family of 5.
Marlene has always been the life of the party, the belle of the ball, the laughter in times of sorrow, and always, a Good Friend. My mother quickly became a pillar within the Jewish Community, in Champaign, Illinois. I recall her always ‘impeccable’ attire, coiffed hair, and most of all, her signature scent ‘Halston’ perfume. I remember many days coming home from school upset about something…and as soon as I saw my mommy, and her wearing her apron, everything was alright. It was truly a moment of ‘Exhale’ when she would wrap her arms around me, but I digress…
Getting back to her role within the community…she was on every committee if not running it, making a difference as the Vice President of the Champaign chapter of Hadassah, with the additional honor of being a lifetime member. She also sat on the board of Sisterhood and was consulted often, for her expertise in art, interior decorating, culture, and event planning. Now that I think of it, she was a pioneer of the event planning profession!! She served as the office manager, for the Hillel Foundation, at the University of Illinois, for almost 25 years. In that time, she developed, too many to count, friendships and relationships with students, which she maintains, will ALL OF THEM, to this day.
Regardless of the cause, Marlene was involved in some aspect of charitable events, to raise money for those who may not be as fortunate as others. I am so blessed and thankful that I have inherited these qualities from my mother. Like her, I am strong, I am resilient, I give to my friends and family without limits, I care without boundaries, I am a fighter, I am compassionate, I am my mother’s daughter.
My childhood is filled with memories of the stories she’d tell, travelling from Champaign to Chicago, on our monthly visits. The most exciting part of the trips were always coming around the curve to 95th Street, on the Dan Ryan. As we entered the city, I could begin to see the ‘Sears Tower’, the John Hancock, building, and most memorable, the Magikist ‘LIPS’ off the Dan Ryan. This is how you knew you were in Chicago (or leaving...there was another set of lips of the Eden’s going North). We would listen intently to the many stories about the architecture, the buildings she worked at, what buildings she watched being built, as she swam at Oak Street Beach, as a teenager, with her sister and girlfriends. Our mom always had a way of creating these amazing images in our heads, as she would tell the stories. Images that remain as vivid today, as they did 40 years ago. Even at the young age of 10, I admired my mother. Through my 10-year-old eyes, she was cosmopolitan, graceful, beautiful, fashionable, and ALWAYS smelled so good!
Fast forward to 1991, my parents divorced. My mother became very ill and was eventually diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS). Fast forward to 1999, my youngest sister was about to give birth to her first child, my mother’s first grandchild. However instead of being at the birth, she was in a hospital bed recovering from surgery to remove the cancerous tumor, from her breast. This was her first experience with cancer.
Between 1999 and 2012, my younger sister had another child, my older sister got married, and then they had 2 children. Life was good. To be closer to her children and grandkids, our mother decided to move back to Chicago in 2012, and settled in Skokie, IL.
Within a couple years, my mother began complaining of knee pain, but we assumed it was her osteo-arthritis. The pain got worse to where she was unable to walk without a walker. She ended requiring double knee replacement around 2014. Although it was a long recovery, she fought her way back to health within months.
Fast forward to 2017, she started complaining of shoulder pain which resulted in her needing a shoulder replacement. While she was doing the needful preparations before surgery, they discovered Breast Cancer a second time. The shoulder surgery was cancelled, surgery to remove the breast cancer was scheduled and this was her second fight with cancer.
Fast forward to 2018, she started complaining of hip pain. As the pain got worse, she went to the doctor and x-rays revealed a fractured hip. Surgery was scheduled. While we patiently waited in the surgical waiting room, 3 hours went by, 5 hours went by, 8 hours went by and finally, the doctor came to give us an update. Apparently, while they were moving her leg to take the final x-rays before sewing her back up, her femur broke. The doctors had to make an incision from her hip to her knee, to place metal plates down her femur…like a ladder. This was an extremely long and difficult recovery however, her resilience and fighting spirit, nursed her back to health. She was eventually able to walk with just a supporting cane. We thought she was finally on the mend…what more could happen to this woman? Hasn’t she experienced enough pain and suffering?
Clearly god had a different plan for our mother. In March of 2020, she began coughing a lot. Her doctor performed a lung biopsy, but they didn’t get enough tissue. So instead of redoing the biopsy, her doctor made the assumption it was the breast cancer and began treatment through pills. The coughing continued to get worse. On June 22nd, of 2020, the performed another lung biopsy. This time, they took enough tissue to make a proper diagnosis…Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer which had metastasized in her lung. They moved immediately to chemotherapy to slow down the cancer growth. She had 2 chemo sessions in July. After the 2nd treatment, her cough began to worsen. We thought she may have a pneumonia starting. My older sister (Zoe) worked with the doctor to order Oxygen be delivered to the home. This was on Monday, July 27th. Tuesday the 28th, she was struggling to get enough Oxygen, so we called 911 and went to the ER.
They ran tests from Wednesday through Friday of that week. We had a call scheduled with the doctor’s for Monday, August 3rd. They told us it is not pneumonia, but her cancer had spread throughout her pancreas and spread throughout both lungs. The cancer had grown exponentially, so quickly, within the past 3 weeks, that they felt the cancer had overtaken her body to the point there was no benefit in continuing therapy or treatment. They recommended we bring her home with in-home hospice, make her comfortable, and enjoy as much of her as we can, for as long as we can. They told us she had between 4-8 weeks. My sisters and I are devastated. God did not prepare me, prepare my sisters, for such a loss, how to process this loss, how to make the most, of the time we have. I just cry myself to sleep and cry the moment I wake, in the mornings.
There is NOTHING my sisters or I would not do, for our mother. There is no amount of money that would prevent us from providing her with the best care, the most dignified care, the kind of care, only a daughter can provide. With that said, as much as I wish money grew on tree’s, it does not. Because of COVID, placing her in a facility is not an option. We wouldn’t be allowed to visit and if we could, it would be minimal. My sister and I have spent our days and nights with my mom, providing round-the-clock care, since she came home from the hospital on Saturday, August 8th. Although she has a hospice team and overnight care, my sister and I, are not prepared to leave her alone. but understand we cannot be by her side, every moment. Her family loves her dearly and we celebrate all the goodness she's brought to so many people.
We are asking for help, to care for our mother, to keep her in her own home, with her family, in her final weeks. To give you an idea of cost, to help you understand our financial need, we’ve broken out the costs:
In Home Care –
We have contracted 9pm – 8am, 7 days a week
Weekends: $30/hr (11 hrs day * 2 days * $30 = $660 per weekend)
Weekdays: $28.50/hr (10 hrs day * 7 days * $28.5/hr = $1,995 per week)
Total $ per Week (estimated based on hours above) = Approx. $2,655
Total $ per Month = Approx. $10,620
Hospice Care is covered by Medicare and provides all of the equipment, a nurse 2-3 times a week, and an in-home helper 2 times a week for light cleaning, general care, and companionship.
Unfortunately, we do not know how long our mother has, doctors can only estimate based on the facts and data however, the human body and human spirit has the capacity and at the capability of overcoming obstacles greater than this. We have all heard of miracles and we are hoping for one now however, knowing that is probably not realistic, we…my sisters and I, need financial assistance to support our mother through this difficult and quickly progressing disease. We are hopeful we will have her for at least another 2 months but praying for longer. It is possible we could have her for another 4-6 months.
As a result, we feel reaching $75,000 dollars, would adequately support her care needs including 24/7 in-home care, medical supplies, medications, any other medical staff needs, and her funeral expenses. This is such a difficult time for our family, and it is extremely difficult to open up to people we do not know, around the world BUT we are very hopeful, that someone will read our story and feel compassion for our mother.
If our story can help someone else who may be struggling in silence; someone who may be suffering similar to our story, I can only hope and pray, you do not feel alone because you are not alone. As hard as it is to share such personal pain, it humbles me to see such kindness in the world.
Bless all of you and thank you for taking the time to read my family’s story. We are appreciative of any generosity, to help us provide the best care possible, for our mommy.
We understand not everyone is in a position to help so please feel free to write any kind words, stories, or other thoughts you would like to share.
On behalf of myself and my sisters Zoe and Hollie, we extend our sincerest gratitude and thank you!
Zoe, Jayne, and Hollie
When you donate using Go Fund Me, the site asks for a “tip”. If you do not wish to leave a tip, simply select Other in the drop down and enter 0 as a dollar amount.
Our mom…Marlene Goodfriend, is exactly what her last name states ‘Good Friend’. Marlene is strong, resilient, a fighter, compassionate, and I could go on with many more. She was born in Chicago, in 1939, to Zola and Jack Goodfriend along with an older sister Rosalie and an older brother Alvin. Unfortunately, she lost both of her parents before I was 11 years old., her sister when she was in her mid-30’s (I was around 3 or 4) and most recently, lost her brother within the past couple years. Most tragically, her mother passed, 3 months before my oldest sister was born. It is both a blessing and a curse, to lose a loved one, when you are so young. God saves us from the pain and hurt while we’re young but boy does, he make-up for it later in life. Our mother has been tested so many times, experienced so much loss within her life, yet she remains strong, she remains resilient, she continues to fight the fight, and why? There is only 1 answer for why she fights so hard, it is for her children, me and my 2 sisters (whom I will introduce shortly).
She grew up in Chicago, Humboldt Park to be more specific. She went to high school downtown and would share stories of the 3 buses she would take, to get to school each day, in the rain, snow, ice, and of course, the nice days too! She met our father Al Olefsky in 1960 and a year later, they were married.
They started their family early and in 1963, my oldest sister was born, Zoe Caryl (after her grandmother) Zola. Shortly thereafter, my father had the opportunity to run his own business and they moved to Champaign in 1964. In 1966, Jayne Beth (that’s me) came along and in 1968, our little sister, Hollis Rae made the final edition to our family of 5.
Marlene has always been the life of the party, the belle of the ball, the laughter in times of sorrow, and always, a Good Friend. My mother quickly became a pillar within the Jewish Community, in Champaign, Illinois. I recall her always ‘impeccable’ attire, coiffed hair, and most of all, her signature scent ‘Halston’ perfume. I remember many days coming home from school upset about something…and as soon as I saw my mommy, and her wearing her apron, everything was alright. It was truly a moment of ‘Exhale’ when she would wrap her arms around me, but I digress…
Getting back to her role within the community…she was on every committee if not running it, making a difference as the Vice President of the Champaign chapter of Hadassah, with the additional honor of being a lifetime member. She also sat on the board of Sisterhood and was consulted often, for her expertise in art, interior decorating, culture, and event planning. Now that I think of it, she was a pioneer of the event planning profession!! She served as the office manager, for the Hillel Foundation, at the University of Illinois, for almost 25 years. In that time, she developed, too many to count, friendships and relationships with students, which she maintains, will ALL OF THEM, to this day.
Regardless of the cause, Marlene was involved in some aspect of charitable events, to raise money for those who may not be as fortunate as others. I am so blessed and thankful that I have inherited these qualities from my mother. Like her, I am strong, I am resilient, I give to my friends and family without limits, I care without boundaries, I am a fighter, I am compassionate, I am my mother’s daughter.
My childhood is filled with memories of the stories she’d tell, travelling from Champaign to Chicago, on our monthly visits. The most exciting part of the trips were always coming around the curve to 95th Street, on the Dan Ryan. As we entered the city, I could begin to see the ‘Sears Tower’, the John Hancock, building, and most memorable, the Magikist ‘LIPS’ off the Dan Ryan. This is how you knew you were in Chicago (or leaving...there was another set of lips of the Eden’s going North). We would listen intently to the many stories about the architecture, the buildings she worked at, what buildings she watched being built, as she swam at Oak Street Beach, as a teenager, with her sister and girlfriends. Our mom always had a way of creating these amazing images in our heads, as she would tell the stories. Images that remain as vivid today, as they did 40 years ago. Even at the young age of 10, I admired my mother. Through my 10-year-old eyes, she was cosmopolitan, graceful, beautiful, fashionable, and ALWAYS smelled so good!
Fast forward to 1991, my parents divorced. My mother became very ill and was eventually diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS). Fast forward to 1999, my youngest sister was about to give birth to her first child, my mother’s first grandchild. However instead of being at the birth, she was in a hospital bed recovering from surgery to remove the cancerous tumor, from her breast. This was her first experience with cancer.
Between 1999 and 2012, my younger sister had another child, my older sister got married, and then they had 2 children. Life was good. To be closer to her children and grandkids, our mother decided to move back to Chicago in 2012, and settled in Skokie, IL.
Within a couple years, my mother began complaining of knee pain, but we assumed it was her osteo-arthritis. The pain got worse to where she was unable to walk without a walker. She ended requiring double knee replacement around 2014. Although it was a long recovery, she fought her way back to health within months.
Fast forward to 2017, she started complaining of shoulder pain which resulted in her needing a shoulder replacement. While she was doing the needful preparations before surgery, they discovered Breast Cancer a second time. The shoulder surgery was cancelled, surgery to remove the breast cancer was scheduled and this was her second fight with cancer.
Fast forward to 2018, she started complaining of hip pain. As the pain got worse, she went to the doctor and x-rays revealed a fractured hip. Surgery was scheduled. While we patiently waited in the surgical waiting room, 3 hours went by, 5 hours went by, 8 hours went by and finally, the doctor came to give us an update. Apparently, while they were moving her leg to take the final x-rays before sewing her back up, her femur broke. The doctors had to make an incision from her hip to her knee, to place metal plates down her femur…like a ladder. This was an extremely long and difficult recovery however, her resilience and fighting spirit, nursed her back to health. She was eventually able to walk with just a supporting cane. We thought she was finally on the mend…what more could happen to this woman? Hasn’t she experienced enough pain and suffering?
Clearly god had a different plan for our mother. In March of 2020, she began coughing a lot. Her doctor performed a lung biopsy, but they didn’t get enough tissue. So instead of redoing the biopsy, her doctor made the assumption it was the breast cancer and began treatment through pills. The coughing continued to get worse. On June 22nd, of 2020, the performed another lung biopsy. This time, they took enough tissue to make a proper diagnosis…Stage IV Pancreatic Cancer which had metastasized in her lung. They moved immediately to chemotherapy to slow down the cancer growth. She had 2 chemo sessions in July. After the 2nd treatment, her cough began to worsen. We thought she may have a pneumonia starting. My older sister (Zoe) worked with the doctor to order Oxygen be delivered to the home. This was on Monday, July 27th. Tuesday the 28th, she was struggling to get enough Oxygen, so we called 911 and went to the ER.
They ran tests from Wednesday through Friday of that week. We had a call scheduled with the doctor’s for Monday, August 3rd. They told us it is not pneumonia, but her cancer had spread throughout her pancreas and spread throughout both lungs. The cancer had grown exponentially, so quickly, within the past 3 weeks, that they felt the cancer had overtaken her body to the point there was no benefit in continuing therapy or treatment. They recommended we bring her home with in-home hospice, make her comfortable, and enjoy as much of her as we can, for as long as we can. They told us she had between 4-8 weeks. My sisters and I are devastated. God did not prepare me, prepare my sisters, for such a loss, how to process this loss, how to make the most, of the time we have. I just cry myself to sleep and cry the moment I wake, in the mornings.
There is NOTHING my sisters or I would not do, for our mother. There is no amount of money that would prevent us from providing her with the best care, the most dignified care, the kind of care, only a daughter can provide. With that said, as much as I wish money grew on tree’s, it does not. Because of COVID, placing her in a facility is not an option. We wouldn’t be allowed to visit and if we could, it would be minimal. My sister and I have spent our days and nights with my mom, providing round-the-clock care, since she came home from the hospital on Saturday, August 8th. Although she has a hospice team and overnight care, my sister and I, are not prepared to leave her alone. but understand we cannot be by her side, every moment. Her family loves her dearly and we celebrate all the goodness she's brought to so many people.
We are asking for help, to care for our mother, to keep her in her own home, with her family, in her final weeks. To give you an idea of cost, to help you understand our financial need, we’ve broken out the costs:
In Home Care –
We have contracted 9pm – 8am, 7 days a week
Weekends: $30/hr (11 hrs day * 2 days * $30 = $660 per weekend)
Weekdays: $28.50/hr (10 hrs day * 7 days * $28.5/hr = $1,995 per week)
Total $ per Week (estimated based on hours above) = Approx. $2,655
Total $ per Month = Approx. $10,620
Hospice Care is covered by Medicare and provides all of the equipment, a nurse 2-3 times a week, and an in-home helper 2 times a week for light cleaning, general care, and companionship.
Unfortunately, we do not know how long our mother has, doctors can only estimate based on the facts and data however, the human body and human spirit has the capacity and at the capability of overcoming obstacles greater than this. We have all heard of miracles and we are hoping for one now however, knowing that is probably not realistic, we…my sisters and I, need financial assistance to support our mother through this difficult and quickly progressing disease. We are hopeful we will have her for at least another 2 months but praying for longer. It is possible we could have her for another 4-6 months.
As a result, we feel reaching $75,000 dollars, would adequately support her care needs including 24/7 in-home care, medical supplies, medications, any other medical staff needs, and her funeral expenses. This is such a difficult time for our family, and it is extremely difficult to open up to people we do not know, around the world BUT we are very hopeful, that someone will read our story and feel compassion for our mother.
If our story can help someone else who may be struggling in silence; someone who may be suffering similar to our story, I can only hope and pray, you do not feel alone because you are not alone. As hard as it is to share such personal pain, it humbles me to see such kindness in the world.
Bless all of you and thank you for taking the time to read my family’s story. We are appreciative of any generosity, to help us provide the best care possible, for our mommy.
We understand not everyone is in a position to help so please feel free to write any kind words, stories, or other thoughts you would like to share.
On behalf of myself and my sisters Zoe and Hollie, we extend our sincerest gratitude and thank you!
Zoe, Jayne, and Hollie
When you donate using Go Fund Me, the site asks for a “tip”. If you do not wish to leave a tip, simply select Other in the drop down and enter 0 as a dollar amount.
Organizer
Jayne Olefsky
Organizer
Chicago, IL