On October 22, 2013 I was diagnosed with stage 3 HER2+ breast cancer at the age of 32. Two weeks prior to my diagnosis, I had rolled over in bed and discovered a golf ball size lump. After many tests, I was told that I had an aggressive form of breast cancer. What 32 year old young woman gets breast cancer? As I sat there in my doctors office with my husband by my side, it was actually his birthday, listening to my diagnosis my heart stopped and I felt over whelmed. Was I going to die? What about my two sons, one that is autistic and thrives from strict schedules and consistency? Would my boys have to grow up without a mom? So many fears and questions. I held it all in as I would become an expert at doing over the next two years. From that moment I learned to suck it up and not complain about my situation. I had two teenage sons Raven and Carson (autistic) to worry about and a full time job and many hobbies I was passionate about like women's football and strongman training. Within two weeks I began an aggressive chemo cocktail of taxotere, carboplatin, and herceptin. I soon became very ill and my hair fell out. I also started gaining weight which was a huge blow to my self esteem. I lost my hair and ended up gaining over 60lbs from the cancer treatments and steroids and chemically induced menopause. It was depressing. Prior to my diagnosis I was very active and fit. I tried to remain strong and not feel sorry for myself. I continued to work full time and take care of my family. Luckily my employer C.R. England has been very understanding and shown great love and support over the past two years. They have been there by my side just like my family every step of the way. With their help and understanding I was able to continue my full time job. Some times they had to send me home from work because I was so devoted, but I was also extremely ill and wood leave work only to end up admitted in the hospital for a week long stay because I was deathly ill. I would have worked myself to death had it not been for such a loving and caring employer. My husband and I both work full time like most American families must. We pay almost $500 a month for healthcare insurance through his employer. Despite having healthcare insurance we quickly learned that it did not cover all of my medical bills. We are responsible for the first $3500 each year and 20% after that deductible is met. That rely adds up when you are receiving chemo and doing so many tests each week. In January 2014 I finished chemotherapy. I then had a lumpectomy surgery to remove the tumor and area around it. I was talked out of getting a double mastectomy, they said it would be too traumatic for someone my age, 32 years old. After my surgery, I began radiation each day Monday through Friday for two months. When I had successfully finished this treatment I thought my life could get back to normal for awhile. My hope was shattered when they discovered I had some cysts and tumors on my ovaries. I had dreams of having a daughter some day. I was then scheduled for a full hysterectomy via a laparoscopic surgery. After surgery my health began to deteriorate even more and quite rapidly. I became very ill and after two weeks of horrible pain and illness I ended up in the ER septic. I was close to death at that point. There they did several tests and discovered that my right ureter had been completely severed during surgery. Urine had been leaking inside my abdomen and poisoning me. I was rushed into surgery and had a nephrostomy tube placed in my back. This tube drained into a "pee" bag which I wore around my waist for eight weeks. Already bald and round from cancer, now I had a "pee" bag too. It was very upsetting and overwhelming. This all happened in my husbands birthday, once again I felt like I ruined his birthday, first with my cancer diagnosis the year prior and now again. The surgeon that was going to help me had to let my insides heal before he could attempt corrective surgery. In December 2014, shortly before Christmas and while we were moving because we had lost our home, I had surgery to move my bladder and implant my right ureter in the top of my bladder. Since this is not the natural way your kidney drains, I do still have pressure and pain when I urinate. This though, is minor compared to the complications of cancer treatment that I suffer from everyday. People think that when your hair grows back, you are cured. I am not cured. My type of aggressive breast cancer continues to come back and often steals lives within five years. We remain vigilant and I do frequent scans and tests to monitor my body. I am currently on an experimental trial of a cancer drug called Neratnib for a year and a hormone therapy called tamoxifen for ten years. These medications add to the nausea, fatigue, and pain I still experience everyday from my two years of cancer treatments. My joints are constantly aching and hurt. When I stand up or get out of bed, it takes awhile for my legs and feet to work. They are painful and I feel like an elderly woman as I try to walk. It is embarrassing. Everyday when I wake and get out of bed, I am reminded of how damaged my body is. When I look in the mirror and see my short hair and round face I am again reminded of my breast cancer and the affects it and treatment have had on me. The weight you gain with these treatments is hard to lose and makes you feel even worse. You are already broken and beat down from battling cancer and it seems no matter how hard you try, you just can't get back to your precancerous body and life. I don't give up though and refuse to live a bitter and sad life. I remind myself everyday how lucky I am to be alive and still fighting. I have seen many women my age pass away from this cancer over the past two years. I just put on a smile and keep plugging away and not giving up or letting anyone know how broken you feel inside. That is really all one can do. If you smile enough, you forget about your cancer life for a minute and forget that you are a completely different person. Cancer and its treatment is a very isolating battle. We may look ok on the outside, but deal with depression, anxiety, and self esteem issues everyday. It is a side of cancer no one really understands. Unless you have been in the same situation, you don't really get it. I want to bring awareness to this and the fact that many young women get breast cancer. I was only 32. At 32 my whole life was turned upside down. I endured aggressive cancer treatments, a dozen surgeries, which led to much missed time from work resulting in the loss of our home. It has been one blow after another. It is hard to swallow when you are so young and just beginning to build your life. Suddenly you are thrust into a cancer world and everything changes. Friends abandon you and your priorities change. Life becomes surviving each day. Cancer hurts you not only physically, mentally, and emotionally, but also financially. I thought I was being strong and responsible by continuing to work during my battle, but that was still not enough to avoid sinking deeper and deeper. It was devastating. My friends and family even set up a gofundme to try and help my family and I https://www.gofundme.com/o5v97wThey have helped pay off a few medical bills, but we are still sitting on about $20,000. You just pay them as you can. That is all you can really do. Cancer is expensive, even with insurance. My youngest son has been trying to help by sharing the page and asking others to share it and help. He is such a sweet boy. No child should ever have to worry about bills or cancer or think about their mom dying. Raven once told me he worried when he would come home from school and my car was not there. He said he knew I was in the hospital and very sick again. I remember the first weekend I had chemo. I was throwing up in the bathroom and my nose was bleeding badly. He was so scared and asked me if I was dying. It was so heart breaking. I had to explain that it was normal side effects of aggressive chemo. After that we had our sons stay with family on the weekends do they would not have to watch me while I was very ill. It is hard to explain that even though you look like you are dying, this chemo is helping shrink your tumors and the doctors are trying to save your life by giving it to you. It has been very rough on our sons. We lost our home just before Christmas last year and had to move our boys to a completely new town far away from their friends. Not only did they have to deal with watching their mom slowly deteriorating they also had to start a whole new life where they didn't have any friends or even know anyone. I hate that my sons have endured so much pain a d sadness the past two years. No child should be worried that their mom is going to die. It is a horrible situation for children and a family. I do not wish cancer on anyone. I really hope that my story will raise awareness with young women my age and inspire them to be vigilant about their health and self exams. No one ever thinks they will get breast cancer in their early 30s. It is much more common than people think. I encourage all young women to do self exams. Early detection is not mammograms for us young women, it is knowing your body and doing self checks. I continue to smile and not give up. I was recently promoted at my employer and now focus on this new challenge and adventure. I spend all of my spare time with my family and have even thought about going back to football which was my passion before cancer. I am trying to get my life to my new normal and enjoy every minute of it.
I don't know when my cancer will thrust me into chemo and aggressive treatments again so I try to live my life to the fullest and keep on smiling.
