Norman “Gordon” Clay II

Hi, I’m Carmen Mifflin (Clay), and I’m raising money to get my dad cremated and brought back home to Southern Illinois from Georgia, so he can be buried by his mom, dad, and his youngest sister, Iva Dell.

I want to be completely honest with you all. My dad and I have been estranged for almost 14 years, because he chose to leave us. He has brought myself, my brother, and the rest of our family a lot of trauma, and I hope one day, we can continue to heal from it all.

Even though we had a horrible relationship, I have always loved my dad, because he’s my dad. I always prayed that one day we would reconcile. My biggest fear was that he would die alone, and I wouldn’t even know.

On Friday, January 12, 2024, I was told that he choked on some food. He did code, but they were able to revive him. They transported him to the ICU in Moultrie, GA. His oxygen was extremely low so they had to intubate him. I forgot to mention that my dad has very advanced dementia, for his age, that has really affected his frontal lobe.

I decided on Sat to drive down to see him, against wishes from other family members. It was a 10 hour drive, and I went alone. I didn’t get there until almost 9 pm, so I didn’t get to see him until Sun morning. I had no idea what to expect.

I went to Georgia, with the intention of getting closure. I have grown a lot in my faith and walk with God. In that growth, I know how important forgiveness is. How can I expect to be forgiven for my sins, if I can’t forgive my dad for the things he’s done. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you condone their behavior, it just frees you from that toxicity that was weighing you down. I don’t want my feelings for my dad keep me from entering the gates of Heaven!!!

After seeing my dad, I knew he would not want to be on the ventilator, or be dependent on all the machines he was connected to. After talking to his doctors, and seeing his CT scan, I knew there was no way he was going to get any better. My dad was always telling us that he wanted quality of life, not quantity. I had to make the decision to call in Hospice. They allowed me to stay with him. They moved him to a private room, and he was still hanging on. He couldn’t move anything, almost as if he was paralyzed, he has apparently been non-verbal for awhile, and all he could do is open his eyes, but they didn’t move. It was just a fixed stare.

They always say that hearing is the last thing that goes, when a person is dying. So, I talked to him, about everything!! How he hurt me, and was a terrible father, and how he has missed out on all of his grandchildren. Whatever was on my mind and in my heart. Then, I told him that I forgive him, and that I would always love him! I stayed with him until Thursday. He was still hanging in there, but I really needed to get back home to my husband and kids. Before I left though, I made sure to get everything set up for when he does pass away, which will be anytime now.

With him being in Georgia right now, we have to get him cremated and then they will ship him here.

I know our story isn’t all rainbows and roses, but I hope you can find it in your heart to make a donation. Even if it’s only $5, every bit counts. You have no idea how much this means to me. I’m just trying to do the right thing as a daughter and as a Christian!

If you have any questions, please feel free to reach out to me!! Thank you for your time! Please keep me in your prayers!