The TL:DR Version.

On a freezing dark cold night in Toronto in the depths of January, at the start of my 40th turn round the sun, I found myself solo emptying my parents home out after the unexpected and tragic death of my mum. So rather than feeling sorry for myself , I went to the pub, got a pint and sent in a speculative application to run the marathon in my favourite city in the planet. And well… I got in. Shit .

The actual story.

As many who know me know, I had a complicated relationship with my parents. They were loving, loved each other and loved me fiercely. But we certainly had our ups and downs, I often struggled with their larger then lifeness, the constant challenges and their co dependency . Deciding to be in the uk meant I was often absent and gilded from the times that got hard, protected by distance and to my shame how easy the distance made it to look the other way. This marathon as much as anything is about staring down that barrel. I can’t change the past but hopefully my grain of sand in the hourglass of beating the blight of dementia might mean someone else’s story plays out differently.

If I’m honest my dad started displaying the signs of early onset dementia as much as 20 years ago. But he was a drinker so those early signs were often dismissed. He got angry easily, forgot people’s names. Around 2015 that became forgetting places we’d been in and to, repetition and the like. I was concerned, mum continued to dismiss it as the drink. I just accepted mums assessment on reflection out of denial. At the same time my maternal grandmother died and left a fortunate sum to my mum. Life changing amounts for parents who had had significant financial problems. In an effort to keep him occupied, my mum gave financial control of the inheritance to my dad, to invest and the like. Long story short, a few bad decisions and my dad getting onto a vulnerable/dementia person’s list run by a syndicate of telephone scammers meant over the period of 18 months the inheritance disappeared. My mum was still working full time and dad in his increasingly confused state couldn’t account for the bad investments only telling mum one day he’d been invited into the ‘millionaire club’ (which didn’t exist). Mum kept this from me until only a few years ago. I had no idea this has taken place.

When realisation dawned my mum developed chronic stress and depression. She wanted to retire but was now unable. She was also now caring for dad, trying to manage work with his dementia. Embarrassment took hold and she cut herself off from friends and family. She also developed chronic gastroenteritis from the stress. On its own not life threatening, but in 2025 when her chronic stomach pain got just a bit worse she waited to see anyone about it for months and by the time she actually got it checked out she was told she had stage 4 pancreatic cancer with abdominal and liver metastasis. She passed away 48 days after her diagnosis.

I did what I could for her in final days and we had some good time together even though she was unwell. My dad however after a fall on the day of her diagnosis spent those 48 days in respite in a hospital in a memory care ward. He is now in long term care and can’t retain the memory that she has passed.

So yes a lot. Tragic in many ways. Cancer is indeed a bitch. But my firm belief is that none of this would have happened without the scourge of dementia. It is a killer as bad as any and more so creates impact on families and loved ones unlike anything. Progress in research is happening but unlike many diseases has yet to have any paradigm shifting medical breakthroughs.

So if you are still here - thanks for reading. Any contributions would truly be appreciated by me and the millions of families impacted by this disease.

I will do my best to make you and my parents proud.

love Nic

PS have asked in lieu of 40th birthday presents for donations - thank you

More information about Alzheimer's Research UK: Alzheimer's Research UK is the UK's leading dementia research charity. As research experts, we fund world-class pioneering scientists to find preventions, treatments and a cure for dementia.