Thank you SO much to all who have generously donated so far. I can't possibly convey my gratitude.

I’m keeping this open, asking my friends for a bit of help, to help me during this very difficult time.

Some of you have kindly offered to help in recent months but didn’t know how, so here’s an opportunity.

Disclaimer: I’m terrible at asking for help.

I’m very independent and I hate feeling like I’m putting other people out. I'm not sure it's in my DNA somehow.

Writing this, I think I’m also literally bad at asking for help, so bear with me:

You may know that I used to teach at the university level for 14 years. I have a masters from an great program. I have worked really hard in life and I like to think I really earned all of that.

The hard work extends to dedication with helping others, which was really what got me out of bed in the morning all of those years of teaching. It also meant that I went above and beyond to help family including helping to raise my young siblings while working my way through college, helping my sick mom, and I'm grateful for having been there to save my grandmother’s life.

So, I'm definitely a work in progress but I care and I always make an effort.

Starting in 2018, I have had some bad luck including losing family, major health problems, job and career issues, money, etc…

Despite my hard work, in an unbelievable chain of events, I have kind of lost everything and I have been living in my car for a few months. It has even landed me in urgent care or the ER a few times.

And now I'm writing from the hospital with pneumonia where I will be for about a week. I was passing out but luckily it's not serious; just need another few days here or so. Just a bummer to spend my birthday here.

AND I was so out of it when the ambulance came that I left my priceless guitar in the back seat, which I never, ever do; that says it all because it's usually handcuffs and armed guards if I can help it.

Update: after 5 days in the hospital, I have 21 days in a medical respite for pneumonia and pleuritis. I'm on a waitlist for housing after this. Finger's crossed I'll be healed and there is no gap between them. I don't think living in the car would be good for my pneumonia.

I’m working hard towards long-term solutions on a daily basis and a few things are taking shape, but it's just taking time.

Until then, here are some of the financial issues I’m dealing with (for transparency):

- $900 minimum: ongoing car problem.

I’m causing pollution and people are increasing their following distance up to a city block (at least it gets rid of tailgaters).

I have dumped a lot of money into this issue and don’t have the resources to proceed.

The problem is still unclear, but this is the estimate for the next possible solution, and it will likely be more than this.

If I trust this guy I recently met to work on it in his personal garage, I may be able to get it done for a lot less.

He showed me pictures of his cars (not of children, which is a good sign from a certain perspective) and he seems to know his stuff.

He volunteered his garage, tools, and Saturday. I would just have to buy parts, feed him, thank him, and potentially trust a stranger with a critical flammable engine part, who has no shop insurance...still thinking it over but I may have no choice! ‍

In the meantime, if the police tow it (seems plausible), I’m out on the street; if it dies on me (seems possible), I’m on the street...

so it seems like it's worth fixing.

- $234 monthly: storage unit fee.

If I lose it, I lose a lifetime of memories, professional equipment/supplies, furniture, etc..

I have already sold a LOT of things and I'm trying to figure out a long-term solution, but so far I don't have one.

- $30 per night: campground fee.

It's illegal to sleep in your car here, and finding a spot can be tricky.

I have been on the lookout for cops - I could end up fined or possibly towed.

It's also stressful, can sometimes be sketchy, and I rarely get enough sleep.

I did a fair amount of camping out in the middle of nowhere where I could get more sleep, but the car is acting up so I don't want to get stranded, and it's getting cold.

Also, bears...several times!

I'm trying to come up with more safe places to park through social contacts.

Basically I think I need to start paying for local campground fees from time to time.

- Miscellaneous off the top of my head:

Upcoming hernia surgery, $5.66 gas, wheel well liner replacement, gas for potential relocation to the Bay Area rehab center, brake job, new glasses, a pony, a solid gold guitar, food, and the list just keeps on going…

Please, no pressure and don’t worry - our friendship is more important than money and it is not conditional or transactional.

In some ways, I would feel way more comfortable if you can't/don't!

However, if you are able with no hardship on your end or share with someone else, know that I will be incredibly grateful.

Anyway, please forgive the awkwardness and thanks for reading my elaborate tale of woe.

Nick