The loss of a child. I dont even have words yet, nor do I feel like I ever will. It doesnt even seem real. How could this happen? Why did this happen? Those questions consume our family now, as we try to process and make sense of this horrible loss. It isn't fair. We feel robbed. November 19th will forever haunt us. I keep replaying the phone call I received at 3am that morning. Informing me something was very wrong. That our sweet baby boy Liam was very sick. The panic and worry I felt. The feeling of being helpless and everything being out of my control. The not knowing of what was happening. As I sat in this room at the Ronald McDonald house just around the corner from him, in full blown panic, calling family to let them know something is wrong. Terribly wrong. Earlier that night I had just saw him on the webcam given to us to see him while we cant be there, I even took a screen shot of him. Little did I know that would be the last time I saw our sweet angel alive. While in completely worry and panic I started to get ready, I knew something wasn't right but wasn't sure what I could do or if they would let me see him. 3:28am rolls around and I get another call from the hospital telling me I need to come now, that Liam is very sick and to come right away, not to worry about chloe and that I could bring her. In that moment I knew things where bad. They wouldn't let me bring her to the NICU to see him on normal terms, so for them to offer for me to bring her, something horrible was happening. I will never forget the horrific terror I felt as I rushed myself and Chloe to PSL/Rocky mountain hospital for children where Liam has been. Praying for him to be ok, even asking God not to take our little boy. The asking quickly turned into begging God not to take him, as I ran with Chloe into the hospital trying to get there as fast as I could. It was too late. I knew it the second the elevator doors opened and a nurse was waiting for me. She took Chloe and we turned the corner where I saw around 10 nurses/doctors standing outside Liam's NICU room. The room was spinning and the only thing I could here next was was myself screaming and sobbing, as the hospital staff surrounded me. It was all over their faces that our baby was gone. I didnt make it in time to see him. Full of anger and disbelief asking why over and over as they stared at me with sorrow in there eyes. Before I could even fully wrap my head around the fact that they where telling me they did everything they could to try and save him but failed, that our baby was gone, they put me in his NICU room and handed me my dead child. I was not even ready to see him like that. How dare they! I should of been asked if I was ready to see him. You dont just tell a mother her child is dead while handing him to her. That isnt ok. The last time I got to see our sweet angel alive was 3 days prior to his passing on the 19th, and that was by chance because I wasnt really allowed to be there with chloe but some how I snuck in. He was screaming when I came to drop him off milk and the nurse let me go see him. I did his cares and held him till he went to sleep. Little did i know that would be my last moment with him. They refused to let me see him because I had Chloe, his twin. How wrong is that! She was discharged the 9th. 10 days of agony not being able to be by his side because of this rule. I will always hate Psl/rocky mountain hospital for children for keeping me from Liam and gambling with his life. Our baby boy had Truncus. He needed open heart surgery. Why they chose to put it off I will never understand. 25 days old. They dont even know what happened. We have to have an autopsy done to find out. Never did I forsee us updating our GoFundMe page for help paying for an autopsy and funeral expenses. Your not supposed to lay your child to rest. This isnt how it should be. We are beyond devastated. It doesn't even seem real. The hospital offered me to lay in a room with my dead child yet couldnt offer a room for me to visit him alive with his sister? This hospital supposedly is the best place for high risk multiple birth pregnancies yet i couldnt see one of my twins after one was dischsrged?? How is that ok!? They are supposed to be one of the best hospitals for open heart surgeries too yet not once did i get to meet the surgeon who was supposed to do Liams heart surgery. Nor did they plan his surgery. They waited to long. Truncus babies need surgery asap within 2 to 3weeks after birth. 25 days. He made it 25 days. I feel like they failed us. We want justice for our baby Liam so bad. We need to raise money ASAP to pay for our own autopsy and to be able to bring our baby boy home and lay him to rest. November 30th was the twins actual due date. Our hearts hurt so bad. I just want Liam back. That won't happen but we will fight for justice. We will fight for the hospital to change their stupid policy so that other twin NICU moms never ever go through what i had to. Please share our story and help us get justice for Liam and to bring him home.
Here is the original GoFundMe story:
My name is Justine and my boyfriend is Chris. I am a proud mother of two young boys ages 4 and 6. Chris and I are currently expecting twins! I will be 32 weeks on Friday (10/5/18). We couldn't be more thrilled! Recently though, we just recieved some very unexpected and scary news about our babies. It's been very hard to even wrap our heads around this situation and never in our life have had to ask for favors. As hard as it is to even write this and ask for help, we really have no other options and any little bit right now will help our family. Our baby boy twin, Liam, has primarily been the source of concern and focus. Initially they thought it was the heart defect called Tetralogy of Fallot. Now they are leaning more towards Truncus. They wont know for certain which heart defect he has until birth, when they can do a direct echo of his heart. He will need open heart surgery though either way immediately after birth. For our girl twin, Chloe, they think she has what's called Coarctation of the Aorta, and if so, she will need surgery after birth as well. My family and I live in Durango Colorado and I will have to give birth in Denver Colorado, which is close to 400 miles away from home. I have to go back to Denver to stay at 36 weeks (around 11/2/18) till delivery, and then of course stay afterwards for the surgeries and what will follow after they are here. Its alot to process and take in. On top of this there is concern of them having either Down syndrome or DIGeorge syndrome, which we wont know more about till after birth since I opted out of the invasive testing but did do blood work testing. At this point, knowing of the down syndrome or what have it wont change a thing. We cant do anything about that but give all our love to them and do what is needed and required to take the best care of them. Doing the needle to the babies puts me more at risk for early labor and we just cant have that. They need to develop and grow more inside me. As long as they are inside me they are fine. Its once they are born and what's to follow after is where we need to stay strong and pray. This is going to be a very difficult time for my family. Travel expenses and everything that's going to take place is going to be hard on my family. On top of this, in August we totaled my vehicle hitting a huge buck and we are lucky to have walked away from the accident un harmed and safe. This accident unfortunately took away our one reliable vehicle to be able to make the travels needed for these babies. Chris will have to stay in Durango and work all while traveling back and forth to where me and the babies are. He will be working to provide for us and keep a roof over our head to come home to. I am making this GoFundMe page in hopes to help take away some of the stress away as our main focus is the well being of our soon to be born twins, my current children, and balancing traveling and living expenses both while I have to stay in Denver and our Home here in Durango. At this point any little bit helps us tremendously. Our family and friends have encouraged us to make this account and as hard as it is to ask for help and do this, it seemed like our only other option right now. I cant thank you enough for taking the time out for my family in this time of need and for reading this. Even if all you can do is share this, we truly appreciate it more then words can ever express. Every donation will again be truly appreciated more then we could ever put in words and cant thank everyone enough for coming together like they have during this hard time.
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