Need Legal Reference and Help with Legal Fees

Hello, my name is Ellen and I’m fundraising for myself because I’m desperate. I never thought that I would be in this position and that I could resort to asking people for help.

I have been married for 21 years to a man who I thought loved me. I was a single mom with two kids when I met him. I even owned a home when we met as it was always important to me to have a home. It was a small 2 bedroom with 1 bath home but my daughter and son could each have a bedroom and I slept on the couch in the living room. I worked at Safeco and joined US Navy reserves in order to make ends meet.

Benny, my husband, got involved in our lives quickly and deeply. It was not long (little over a year) before I bought a larger home that had 3 bedrooms so all of us could have privacy.

We cohabited 9 years before marrying in 2000. Throughout the years, we both worked but kept our finances separate. I was the one to take care of any maintenance of the home and I also was the person who spent the money to remodel or make improvements to the home. Benny never helped around the house or did everyday chores. He made it perfectly clear that he was not interested in owning or taking care of a home. Even when I was deployed for a year and half to the Middle East and stateside, he never mowed the lawn.

It was at this time (2000 - 2003) that he was laid off from Boeing and I paid for the mortgage and home expenses with my funds.

Soon after getting back from deployment, Benny announced to me that he was $30,000 in credit card debt due to gambling. I was in shock that anyone could find themselves in that position. I was devastated by this news, but I loved my husband and did not want to divorce him. I buckled down and helped pay off his debts and I insisted on going to GA meetings. That was where I learned from the GAM-Anon meetings to never pay the Gambler's debts and alway make him/her pay their fair share of home and home expenses. The reason was not to enable the addictive behavior. The Gambler is suppose to follow the 12-steps to help them regain their control over their addiction.

Benny did pay what he felt was the fair share (50% of mortgage and almost 50% of home expenses). I realize now that he became a very functioning gambler in secret. He worked at Boeing on the Swing Shift so he could go to the Casinos before or after work without me knowing it. He had no accountability as I was busy working, saving, raising my kids and making a home in Edmonds.

Benny has two children from a previous marriage who I welcomed as much as Benny wanted. Benny was always very generous to his children and to mine on Birthdays and Christmas. He was also very generous with spending money on Jewelry for myself even though I never wanted so much. I am a simple person who enjoyed just a few special jewelry items for myself.

It was in 2004-2005 that Benny announced that he was again in Gambling credit card debt to the tune of $70,000. Again, I was devastated but like a fool, I still did not want to divorce. We tried to have all his income come to my account and I manage the money outflows. That did not go over very well with Benny and he changed his company deposits back to his account. He became that functional gambler again. He was responsible for paying off all his debt and also paying his fair share of the home and home expenses. I had the impression that he stopped gambling and was concentrating on paying off his debt. I do believe that was the case for awhile. He then began to buy Daily Lotto tickets. As his debt balance went down, his buying of Daily Lotto Tickets increased to where he was spending $40 to $60 dollars on most days of the week. I never realized that he was spending so much every week on his chances to win.

We bought a home on Camano Island, WA in 2016. I put the entire down payment of $47,000 and then the remaining $120,400 from the sale of my home in Edmonds. The Camano home was a dream come true forever home to me. Built in 1987, it was very dated but very sound functional home. I again, began to plan on improvements but Benny like usual argued with me about spending money on the house. I now know why he was always so against spending on home improvements.

I thought Benny enjoyed living here but he begins to argue about finances, being irritable and ordering me around. By this time, I'm retired and Benny is planning his retirement from a very lucrative Boeing job. He gets offered the Boeing voluntary Layoff incentive ($43,000 before taxes) during the Covid 19 situation in 2020. In February 2021, he wins big time on the Daily Lotto...$31,600. It is around this time that he is much more irritable and impossible to be around. On July 2nd of this year, Benny refused to let me watch my own Grandson at our home. He said that it was his home and he would not allow him to stay here without his mom being here. My daughter was dealing with her own crisis and trying to work, watch her son and deal with a contractors due to a flooded home. I was afraid of what Benny would do or say to August, my grandson, so I went to watch him in Tacoma. It would have been much better for me and August to have been able to stay at our Camano Home.

This type of controlling behavior was the final straw for me so I searched for a Lawyer to handle the divorce. I asked Benny what assets and debts he had for the divorce preceedings. He answered that he had no money and $500 in debt. If that was true, then he spent, gave away or gambled away over $64,600 in a very short time. I don't think he was telling the truth. I believe he has hidden valuable items besides cash.

I was forced to find his bank account statements in order to find out his true finances. I created a database of his banking activities from his BECU Checking and Savings from as far back as 2004 to present. Having that information gave me the true picture of his horrible gambling issues. He has spent over $222,000 in Casino Gambling and Daily Ticket purchases. His Credit card debt includes over $153,000. He has depleted his Boeing VIP savings account withdrawing over $87,000 through the years. I actually paid off over $39,000 in his credit card debt with my own funds.

I can also tell from his bank accounts that he has deposited Cash and paid off his Line of Credit with 30% more than his expected income. I have all the transactions to prove this. He either has a stash of cash that he is relying on or he has been winning more than I know.

Now I'm in the position of getting a divorce from a long term marriage that my lawyer is saying that he will most likely get 50% of the home. Even though I paid for all the down payment for all my houses. Benny's lawyer has even wanted to take funds away my Annuity of which I saved for with my own job and savings. Benny has admitted his gambling addiction and has agreed to reduce his share of the community assets but this still leaves me with no option to keep my home. I'll be forced to sell to pay him off and the current market prices will mean I won't be able to afford a similar home.

I find this very unfair that I will be penalized for saving for retirement, improving on our home and Benny will be rewarded for wasting over $500,000 in money on goods and gambling.

I'm asking for a reference for a good female family law lawyer that can practice in the Snohomish County, WA. She'll need to be able to be retained on short notice. My present lawyer is proven to me that he is not really looking out for my best interest. The trial date is December 2nd and currently we are hoping for a continuance so we can delay the trial date. The courts might not allow for a continuance, which means we will have to go to trial on Dec 2nd without some of the subpoenas completed. I've been told that going to trial will cost from $15,000 to $30,000.

Any money raised by this GoFundMe account will go for attorney fees as my savings has been almost all depleted. I will be forced to charge funds to my charge cards.

Benny has me between a rock and a hard spot.

I did want to tell my story which has helped me mentally and emotionally. Thank you for listening to my unfortunate story. Your help and support is very much appreciated.

Ellen