Hello, everyone! We're the Hoffmann family: the kind of close-knit group that gathers around the table together for meals and discusses how our day went, enjoys family movie nights, picnics in the park, karaoke, backyard football, and exploring new places. We can be silly, sarcastic, and annoying with each other; however, we are fiercely loyal and protective of each other as well. We probably do as much yelling as we do laughing because Dad is a New Yorker and Mom is Spanish. Mom (Margaret) and Dad (Greg) are teachers, and the kids are involved in sports, theater, church, etc. There's seven of us (plus a dog), so we usually have a noisy and bustling household...that is until recently.
A couple of weeks ago, a series of events took place which have turned our world upside down and completely changed the dynamic of our household. We almost lost our second child Nancy. Now Nancy is dealing with the repercussions of a severe mental health crisis which has impacted her ability to function normally and has left her unable to return to school. Caring for Nancy has become our full-time job as we try to help her mind heal from trauma and learn to manage her anxiety. But we can't do it alone.
Late one Friday night a couple of weeks ago, Nancy came to our bedroom saying that she couldn't stop throwing up and she felt really sick. She then admitted that she had taken a dangerously large handful of acetaminophen earlier that evening as an emotional reaction to a difficult discussion regarding her participation in extracurricular activities. She said she was trying to "numb the pain." Greg immediately called 911, and went with the ambulance to the children's hospital with Nancy. Had he not reacted quickly, Nancy would have most likely suffered a slow and painful death. Thank God, she made it to the hospital in time to get the antidote and prevent major organ damage. We were so thankful to have her alive, but we had no idea that our nightmare was just beginning.
Nancy was diagnosed with clinical anxiety and depression and labeled suicidal. Due to the nature of her actions, the hospital psychiatrist said Nancy was a threat to herself which meant that she had to have 24/7 supervision inside her hospital room, even when going to the bathroom. Nancy started to feel self-conscious and claustrophobic, and her body was in tremendous pain from all the vomiting and IV needles. She missed her family and her home and was longing to return to her loved ones. She regretted her decision, but when questioned by the doctors, she insisted that she was not trying to end her life but simply numb the pain. Sadly, the hospital psychiatrist did not believe her and insisted that she be sent to a psychiatric facility immediately after being released from the hospital.
We knew Nancy needed professional help, but we felt very lost and unsure about a psychiatric facility. The hospital staff kept telling us all the good things that these facilities were supposed to do to help kids, but no one would give us guidance in choosing the right place for our daughter and her specific needs. We were handed a list of 20 or so different institutions and were being pressured to make a quick decision. No matter how much we researched, we were not comfortable with any of the choices. Unfortunately, she was not permitted to return home without receiving psychiatric treatment from one of the places on the provided list. We felt that our hands were tied in the matter. We couldn't stay in the hospital indefinitely. If we took our daughter home, the psychiatrist would report us to CPS. If we chose the wrong place, our daughter could end up damaged instead of helped. It was the hardest decision we have ever had to make to let our daughter go into the hands of strangers who claim to have her best interest in mind. One outside party recommended a place that happened to help their child. With no other direction and not knowing who to turn to for help and pressed for time, we decided to go with the facility that was recommended to us.
What we didn't fully comprehend was that this place was more of a behavioral hospital than a psychiatric facility. Nancy was grouped with children who had violent tendencies and scary psychosis. She had to listen to screaming day and night. She watched kids having seizures and passing out. She said the staff were not kind. She felt the treatment was dehumanizing. She wasn't even given a pillow until her last night there when she had a bad headache. There was hardly any therapy. Nancy did not feel safe or cared for. And we were not contacted during her stay, even though we left messages. After a fight broke out, Nancy had a panic attack which no one addressed or helped her deal with. There were many other awful experiences that Nancy endured as well that we have chosen to omit from this account because we felt it would be improper to discuss such things here. By the time we were able to see her in person a couple of days later, she had completely shut down emotionally to survive.
We were able to get her out of there the next day, but the damage was done. Our sweet social girl couldn't even look at us or respond to us when we spoke to her. We took her to a nature trail and all she did was touch everything she saw and mutter to herself about the texture. When we finally got her to stop walking, we asked her "yes" and "no" questions. Turns out she thought she was still in that place and we weren't real. We had to let her touch our faces for her to grasp that we were real. Our once-musical girl couldn't handle any noise above a whisper without having an anxiety attack. Our once-affectionate girl couldn't stand to be touched or to have anyone get close to her. The only person Nancy trusted was Margaret, and she would get anxiety if Margaret had to walk away from her. Margaret even had to sleep with Nancy because Nancy would have vivid nightmares about being back in that place and would wake up confused and panicked. We had to meet with our other four children and change the way everyone acted at home to prevent Nancy's panic attacks.
Nancy requires 24/7 supervision, and it is not a one-man job. We have had to take time off work to rebuild Nancy's trust in us and to help her feel safe and loved. We are also very busy researching and contacting people who can help Nancy heal from this trauma. As she is able to communicate more and more little by little, we realize that Nancy is not able to process information like she used to. She is easily confused and cannot understand when someone is joking. She is also suffering from memory loss, including not remembering family members and is unwilling to give or receive hugs at times.
How can you help us?
Prayer: Without God's strength, we would not be able to get up each day and remain a supportive team to Nancy and each other. We need strength as we are juggling the full-time job of caring for Nancy while still raising our other four children. We need strength as we are functioning on very little sleep most days. We need strength as we deal with our own anxiety and depression as we ride this wild emotional roller coaster. Additionally, we need God's wisdom as we search for the right people to help Nancy and make important decisions regarding her care.
Support: It is the unexpected text or card that lifts our spirits and reminds us that we are not alone. Please feel free to reach out to us with love, support, encouragement, prayer, advice. We may not always answer right away, but we hear you and it means a lot to us. Also, I think Nancy would appreciate some simple notes of support and encouragement.
Finances: We need help paying related medical bills from both hospitals, the ambulance, the pediatrician, multiple therapists, and possibly running tests to determine why Nancy has memory loss. She's also been dealing with chronic back pain and sensory overload, so we've been taking her to the chiropractor for different physical treatments to help her heal. Then there are the regular life bills and expenses with a family of seven; however, we are losing income because we've already used up all of our personal days to care for Nancy. We are getting approved for FMLA, but it's not paid. We have both lost one month of income already and will have to take off more time in the future. Donating to our GoFundMe is the easiest way to help financially; however, other ways to help include grocery deliveries, gas cards, restaurant/DoorDash gift cards, etc.
This experience is exhausting and heartbreaking, but we have hope. The last ten days at home have been an emotional roller coaster, but we are seeing slow progress. We know the process of healing Nancy's mind will be a long journey filled with both good days and bad days. But we have faith that God will redeem this situation. One day, we will have a beautiful story to tell of how God took our tears and poured them over the ashes of our pain to bloom new strength and purpose. But in the meantime, the days are long and difficult and we need help. Thank you for taking time to read our story. If you are led to aid us in any way to help our Nancy find healing, please know that it means the world to us. We do not downplay the importance of prayer and kindness.
No gift given in love is too small to make a difference.
God bless!