My little sister was killed by a drunk driver on July 20. There was already a separate Go Fund Me for this created but the person in charge of it felt bad because my sister died alongside three other young adults (her boyfriend and two best friends) when they became trapped inside their vehicle. She wanted the money to go towards all four families and so she disabled the Go Fund Me that was just for our family and they created a new joint one.

While I understand that sentiment, dividing the money four ways and then again between each of the families is not enough to cover the costs of a death. People are missing work, people are having to travel out here multiple times because there will be a separate memorial and also a funeral. The coroner has not released her to us. I am fortunate to live close enough that I myself do not need to travel but I will have to take unpaid time off work and so will our older brother, who will travel twice (he does not live in California). He will also need a hotel — that is my bigger concern. My brother and I grew up with my sister and shared a roof with her for the first ten years of her life. I remember when she learned to walk in the early morning and we rushed to wake our parents.

I don’t expect this to gain excessive traction as I do not intend to share it outside my own small circle. I was trying not to talk about money too much with everyone because we are in a grieving period. It comes across as ugly but there are still practical issues to consider.

This fundraiser is only intended for those who still want to help our family or who are friends with me specifically so it will not take from anyone else who chooses to help all four families instead. This is not intended as a slight or as disrespect to the people who were in charge of the previous fundraiser but it may be better if I don’t have to worry about asking how the funds will be dispersed because there is not enough communication about these decisions and everyone is emotional.

My sister was such a whole and complete person. She was only 23 years old but she was in a loving relationship and wanted to be married. My dad had already bought her a cooking set as a housewarming gift for her future home. She was looking at engagement rings with the man who died with them. She was employed, she bought her own car. When she was little, she was so excitable and happy to be included in activities. She would laugh so much that her whole body would turn bright red. She lived a whole life in those 23 years, breaking her arm three times and temporarily going blind (she had to wear bandages over her eyes because she rubbed wood shavings into them on accident when we went to see our new place). She was full of energy and had many interests. She loved to collect stuffed animals and her bedroom mirror is covered in stickers. She was too young but they say that the good can sometimes die young to spare them from this world. It is sad but at least she was not alone. She was surrounded by her friends even on that highway.