Go Fund Me

Hi, my name is Sara Anondson. I am a mother of three lovely children, who I love dearly. For those of you that know me, you likely know how hard this is for me. I don’t ask for help, I dig deep, sleep less and figure it out. I am always scheduled for every free moment, leaving little time for sleep. I’m the lady who looks like they have it all together. Push harder, dig deeper, meet your goals and exceed expectations. That’s what I knew.

It’s always been a lot easier for me to give than receive, and I am working on that. So putting out an ask for help publicly is very difficult for me, but I am going to be vulnerable and let you in for a moment. Because this situation I am in has been challenging. It’s been a healing journey of the mind, body, and soul with significant impacts to my finances and my ability to care for myself and my family. I never would have anticipated this in a 1,000 years.

In January I fell and hit my head, and then had subsequent blows to the head over the next few days that compounded my situation. I was a lady on the go. I was in pain, but I didn’t stop. I had a family to provide for. I had things I needed to do. I went ahead on autopilot.

At the time I was a full time student working to finish my bachelors degree. I sat on the board of directors for a housing community. I was working as a Senior Manager of Supplier Management for cxLoyalty/JPMC, managing their hotel portfolio along with my fabulous team. They truly are amazing, and now they are pulling my workload as well. (Which is a part of this story.)

The week of the TBI I thought I was just tired coming off a business trip, caring for an acquaintances pets while her daughter got married, and knocking out a 15 page paper and 75 slide deck. The homework was twice as much of a challenge and it definitely wasn’t my best work, but I shrugged it off as being tired and working from someone else’s home.

As I moved into the following days. My staff was reminding me of conversations and decisions that we made that I had no recollection of at all. For me that was alarming as the portfolio is quite large and any mistake could be costly. The volume of things I typically managed in my brain was astounding. How could I not remember even talking to them? I started questioning myself as my brain kept telling me I was fine.

I realized something really wasn’t right when my daughter gently reminded me we had the same conversation for the last three days, and multiple times a day about an upcoming business trip and who would watch the dog. I had wanted her to care for our dog so I didn’t have to board her. I asked myself again, how could this be possible? I rarely forgot something much less not even recalling these complete events. I had no memory of any of those discussions.

As I reflected I had to be honest with myself. Not remembering, difficulties getting out of bed because the room was spinning and I felt out of sorts, the headaches, the vision strain, an inability to manage the Team’s messages, emails and meetings all at once like I could the previous week. Something wasn’t right and it was alarming to me. I called an urgent care nurse who said I should go to the ER to be checked out. I declined and said I would see my doctor tomorrow. That’s when the gravity of the situation started to hit me. A brain bleed, was that a possibility…did I hear her right?

I changed my mind and drove to the ER that evening, and this is where the journey begins, almost a week after I hit my head. I am told I am lucky and there wasn’t a brain bleed, but I have suffered a head trauma and I have a concussion. My eye tracking, pupil dilation, memory issues, physical symptoms they are very apparent to the doctor on staff. They send me how with some paperwork about how to get better. No drinking, no technology, rest, and I should be back to my old self soon. In the meantime they want me to see a neurologist, and concussion doctor.

This was January in MN, and an icy winter it was. All neurologists were booked up until late April, but I could get on a wait list. A very nice admin at the hospital helped me locate a doctor that I could see in about 2 weeks. I made a plan with my boss to try to cut out earlier than I typically would and to reduce screen time as much as possible. However, that was very difficult with my workload, but it was QBR time and I pushed on. Traveling to see business partners, and feeling like I was in a strange dream. All the things that I could easily do before were weighing on me. Even a business dinner. I couldn’t pay attention to the conversations, and manage a table like I could just weeks before. I’d get to the end of the evening and the whole room would be spinning. I couldn’t focus my eyes, and my headache was off the charts.

I finally saw my doctor and she suggested I take some time off work, saying that typically people are better in 2 weeks, but since we are past that I would likely be looking at 12-16 weeks. That sounded manageable, I felt like I had endured worse in life and I could just dig deep and push through. So, I declined to take time off from work. My family needed me at work and I needed me at work. Plus I loved my job. It was challenging, I had a great team and it filled my cup in a lot of ways. So, I pressed on, starting OT, PT, and Speech Therapy.

By this time I had called my professor and had extended time to finish my homework. The challenge was that by the time I got home from work I was grumpy, irritable, exhausted, and I didn’t have any brain power for making dinner much less burning the midnight oil to do homework. So, I took a leave from my class, which turned into me dropping out until I could come back. This was such a hard decision as I had 4 classes left in my major program and a capstone series. I was to graduate just a month behind my daughter, and I was so looking forward to that milestone that I put off so many years ago leaving college with an AAS in Business Management to instead raise a family.

With school behind me I thought it would get easier, but day by day I was doing worse and worse. I could barely pull myself from bed in the morning and my ex-husband was calling upset that my son had been late to school so many days in the last 3 weeks. I was ashamed, and upset. Why couldn’t I do it. Why was getting out of bed so hard. Well I knew the answer. I would have to get up a little more than an hour before I needed to be up so that my brain to come to an awareness of where it was. I could push through the nausea, headache, dizziness, and confusion to realize I was waking up and needed to get out of bed. This persisted for days and days.

I will never forget the day my OT person asked me if I didn’t understand the diagram about brain injuries and the amount of brain energy you have for the day. I told her I understood. She then asked me if I was trying to dig myself into the molten core of lava and pull myself back out. It hit me, and it hit me hard. The way I had always done things, digging deep and pushing harder wasn’t going to work for me this time. I had been trying and trying and trying that method for the last 5 weeks and I felt like I was dying.

I left that appointment and went out to my car and called my boss. We agreed that I would take a short leave and work to get better. The reality was that I didn’t yet know how bad I was. I had been lying to myself and declaring that I was fine and I could push through thinking that would work. A very dear friend of mine had a similar but different journey years before me. Resulting in similar rehabilitation due to brain trauma. Although how we got there was different she understood the journey I was on and the feelings I was having about it. She was also a high performer, highly intelligent and she knew all too well the lifestyle of do more with less and push yourself hard to get there.

She has been an angel of light on this journey for me as the days have been dark and difficult. The 12-16 weeks quickly turned into 20-24 weeks and shortly thereafter my STD had come to an end and it was time for me to apply for LTD. Anyone that has been through that process knows it is incredibly difficult and you have to advocate for yourself when you don’t have the energy or brain power to do it, but that you have to find a way to manage as you don’t get paid if you don’t do it. I am now starting my 5th week post STD.

I still do not have LTD as that process of getting all the ducks in a row for them to have what they need to make a decision is very difficult. We now have acknowledgment of that, and I have a month to wait until they can decision that. Until then, I wait….I wait for a miracle and everything to work out.

That miracle hasn’t come yet, I had a recheck with my doctor and she pushed me out another 6 weeks. It takes me back to that first re-check, and the return to work date. I was adamant that I was going back to work in March, but my symptoms and capabilities were not quite there yet. I came into this thinking a return to work date meant something. I have learned that they are just milestones for doctors appointments and a waiting game to do my therapies and get better. I see incremental progress and I get hopeful, as I want to get back to work. I miss my work family and having the structure of the day to day.

My neuro-opthamologist was a little more hopeful this last time as he gave me 4 more weeks of therapy. The progress with my brain controlling my eyes was improving. The double vision I was having was getting a little better. He asked how I was doing, and I broke down. This was by far the hardest journey I have ever been on. I am articulate and people take that for granted thinking I am my old self. I want them to believe that too, because that is what I wished was true. The reality I am faced with is that I might never quite get back to the lady I was before, and if I do it will take time.

I’ll give you an example. Going into this I could make dinner on the stove using all 4 burners, have something in the oven and toaster, helping my son with a task while talking on the phone. I could get dinner all done at the same time for everyone and cooked perfectly. Where I am at now….I can cook bacon and when it is finished I can cook the pancakes. When I told my OT this she laughed and said well even if I stopped with the bacon I had finished the best part. That made me smile a bit.

I am learning to work around the challenges I am faced with, as I continue to work to get better. In many ways I am climbing back out of the TBI pit and I am making progress. I am hopeful to go back to my old job and to be the best I can be at it. My fear is that my team and my boss will not have the patience with me that might be necessary as I continue to heal.

The insurance company continues to deny my eye therapy and I pay for that out of pocket. This journey has been an expensive one, and I am currently not earning any income. Hopefully LTD will be approved and 60%of my salary will start coming in again. Even if it does I am pretty deep in medical bills and expenses. The light at the end of my tunnel seems very far away. I don’t want you to feel bad for me, because I do not feel bad for myself. I am taking this as a learning experience as much as I can, and I keep faith that things will turn around.

If you are able to assist me with getting back on my feet financially and cover my medical bills, any little bit can be helpful. If you cannot afford to help, please just say a little prayer for me and keep me in your thoughts as that can be helpful too. Some day I may just write a book about this journey as it has been one of struggle, hope, faith, healing and love. Thank you for reading my long story. I appreciate your time in doing so, that in itself means a lot to me that you would take 20 minutes to do so. I believe in the good things coming.