Toxic Masculinity Abandoned My Mom

My Mom is 71 years old. She's beautiful. She has taken care of others since she was 17 years old. She is a brilliant artist.  After I had my son four years ago, the plan was that her and my father would move from California to be closer to us here on the east coast.

My mom came out first to help us with the new baby and everything was going to plan, until my father didn't come....months went by....he kept saying he would come...he never came...he had started a business in Santa Cruz with a woman he'd been having an affair with and supporting in secret for over a decade....and then he stopped sending my mom anything....he stopped responding to all of us...he's gone.

My father has all of my mothers belongings (everything our family ever owned) in storage somewhere, including all of her artwork. Her lifes work.  After 30 years of marriage, not only did he betray her, but he has estranged his whole family, and its not the first time-

-that was the zinger, a few weeks ago my mom was contacted by my fathers first wife and son. My father left them in the mid 80's. It turns out that his first wife had been trying to track him down for the last 28 years to get a divorce from him so she could re-marry. She managed to find my moms address here through a private detective. My moms marriage had never been legal. We're heartbroken, my mom most of all, and we are just scrapping by each month. Like most people.

Now my father has manipulated a new person into his web of mendacity, and sadly she has a young son too...and so the cycle continues. Its crazy. It hurts as a son, and seems unfathomable as a  father.

My father has been manipulating people to get what he wants his whole life by creating a barrier of falsehoods around him and leveraging control over others, particularly women and children. Its no wonder; he was abandoned by his poor family when he was a child and was made complicit in the suffering of his siblings.

Psychologically it is plain to see the toxic cycle of pain at work here. His brand of toxic masculinity is what must stop. This is the pain in our culture that prevents us from seeing when we are being taken advantage of, and that makes an emotional incentive out of making others suffer.  I refuse to pass this narrative down to my son by allowing my father to get away with such heartbreaking deception with impunity-

-thats why I'm asking for help. We simply don't have the resources to hold my father accountable and get my moms life back in order. My mom lives on $500/month from social security.

I want to go back to California and confront my father, forgive him, consult a lawyer in California to hold him legally accountable to my mom and bring my mom her pictures and her belongings. 

My mom is not computer literate and is living out of a suitcase on a couch. Its scary to be left on your own in your greatest moment of need. Please help us stop this madness.

Your contribution will go towards my moms livelihood, legal consultation, annulment, and the cost of driving her stuff back to her from California.

Thank you so much 
nick

Donations

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  • Patrick Seaton 
    • $200 
    • 26 mos
  • Janet and Lamar Troutman 
    • $50 
    • 26 mos
  • Anonymous 
    • $200 
    • 26 mos
  • Anonymous 
    • $100 
    • 26 mos
  • Randy Hurst 
    • $100 
    • 26 mos
See all

Organizer

Nick Russell 
Organizer
Brooklyn, NY
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