My heart may be giving up, but I'm definitely not!

Well, it turns out that I may be dying. Apologies to anyone who's having to find out this way. I hope that you can understand that after having to have this conversation with my kids and immediate family, I became pretty taxed on the subject matter and there's no way I could've made 100 more phone calls to each person individually. My family and friends continued to inform others, but I'm sure there's going to be plenty more left to find out in this less than opportune way.

I was diagnosed with Supraventricular Tachycardia with a low Ejection Fraction rate of 15%. This essentially means that I'm currently working with a heart that's operating at 15% capacity. They believe this all came about after the heart attack I had when I was 25 and was only exacerbated by the high amounts of stress that I've been under these last few years. It has left me with memory issues and a constant need to be on oxygen. I'm currently unable to work and at the suggestions of those closest to me, that's what inevitably brought me to create this GoFundMe.

I'm hating every second of writing this, but at some point one has to swallow their pride. The doctors have all but written me off, but they've never met me. I could just sit on the couch with my oxygen tank binge watching every TV show that's out there waiting to pass, but that's not me. I fully plan to beat this and get back to some semblance of a normal life.

Unfortunately, due to how bad my heart is and the fact that I also have Crohn's disease, they're telling me things like heart surgery aren't going to be a possibility. That just means that my story will be all that more impressive when I'm back on my feet again proving every one of them wrong.

The reason for this GoFundMe is being unable to work, I'm now a couple of payments behind on my car note, car insurance, phone bill, etc. I hate having to look to others for help during this period, but I have to if I'm truly going to do what I've been saying and kick this thing's butt.

I find myself reacting to things in ways that I would otherwise handle in a different manner. It's hard to keep a level head and not take your frustrations out on people that don't deserve it, when you're constantly having to talk about your possible death with others. I never knew dying would involve so much work, lol. Having to have repeat phone calls discussing your last possible days, what they will look like, what you're going to do with your belongings, and who's going to end up paying for this and that...it can drive a person crazy. While I do sincerely apologize for anyone that may be sitting there wondering where any of this random anger and frustration came from, I hope they take a moment to place themselves in my shoes and understand some of the reasons behind it all. No one can prepare you for this and when you're essentially doing it all on your own, you're stuck figuring it out as you go. The constant thoughts that you could leave this world at any moment and never see your kids again...thinking how all of this is going to affect them and shape their futures...how you feel like a piece of crap for doing this to them...it's a lot. BUT, we don't have to worry about anything like that as I WILL beat this and prove them all wrong!

I'm currently in the process of applying for things like SSDI and other government provided assistance. These things, unfortunately, take time to get approved. I'm trying to get assistance through the rest of this summer, as I think things will start to pick up here in a few months regarding all of the paperwork and applications.

During this time period, though, I still need a way to get to my doctor's appointments, fill my prescriptions, have a contact method for said doctors, pay rent on the room that I'm currently renting as sleeping in my car when I'm in constant need of oxygen, isn't an option, and of course, being able to spend as much time as I may have left with my kids.

I did the math and figure somewhere in the neighborhood of $7,500 should get me through these next few months when everything else should hopefully start kicking in. That will cover the past and future car notes, car insurance, gas, phone bill, food, rent, medical equipment, etc. Again, I hate every second of this but I wouldn't be giving this fight my all if I left any stone unturned.

Any help that anyone can give to just buy me a little more time to get my affairs in order, would be greatly appreciated. Please, by all means, keep receipts, as to be alive and able to pay people back down the road, would be a blessing in itself! Thank you for the time you took in reading this and for the time I was able to spend with all of you. It meant more than you will ever know.