My Health insurance and to be there for my son
Donation protected
Its really not like me to do such a thing,
>as, A Go Fund Me, or even ask for help. { my whole life has been win or lose I do it alone}
and to be Honest ...
Its hard to open myself in such a vulnerable position
But recently the world has changed and to be completely honest, so have I.
I'm a little scared or rather I have an unease/nervousness rolling around in my stomach due to my predicament
I'm 48 and live in the Czech republic, but am originally from the UK.
I have lived in Prague for several years on and off.
I used to be in Hotel management at mid management level for over 10 years. I earned good/reasonable money and felt as though Life would always be on the up. But after travelling from position to position over the course of time with my Czech partner, she decided that she wanted us to return to her home country closer to her family and maybe start a family of our own.
I was never a man who desired children and in reality lived the spouse life with a single mans mentality.
We had a child{ my first child} when I was 45, she 35. and after one year or so ended up falling apart and ending the 10yr relationship.
I found an apartment and moved out. The apartment was more than I could realistically afford, but it was nice and in a semi decent location
> yes I could of found something slightly cheaper, but I didn't want to be alone after 10yrs and stuck n an ugly apartment in the outskirts of a city unable to speak the language. I'm sure if you're reading this and have lived abroad you will understand.
Anyway, my overall costs have been greater or equal to my earnings in the past 2 years.
I am self employed, That being said, I can work a normal job but pay my own social security, pension and health insurance.
{salaries in CZ are about 50-60% of the European average or 40-50% of my previous 10yr average}
My work has often been sporadic,
A few months here and there.
I have not been able to regain the positions or heights that I had worked so hard to build over the previous 10yrs when I had worked for the hotels.
I know its mainly my fault as I haven't mastered the local language.
Whereas due to my position in the other hotels and countries where English was the operational language, so it was never an issue,
In Prague, all general operations run in Czech language. So with not having the language skills I am F...ed
My last contract finished in mid November 2019, and was due to start 3rd February 2020.
I had accounted for this period and had set something aside to cover me until I restarted the contract. But the company was apprehensive about signing people on due to the initial outbreak{ The work was cross boarder}
So I haven't been able to earn anything since this period.
Yes I had some money set aside for rainy days ... but as we all know.
No one was expecting 40 days and 40 nights of storms....
...If This environment was expected, then we all would of built a mooring for an ARK.
I'm really grateful to my landlord who last month told me not to worry about the rent.. "we'll sort it all out later when things settle down" {what a star}
Not to mention, in these last two years, after all that has passed and Iv'e been through. I really haven't felt full of drive and have lacked motivation.
I have and do feel LOST.
surviving day by day week by week and existing for my son but not existing for myself or my own tomorrow.
I love my son to bits and am so happy to have him, especially since after 40 I never thought I would have child.
But I'm not alive, I feel dead inside...a few years ago I was the boss, the joker, the Man,head of household, the director, provider the ,,,.
now I feel that I'm nothing. Other than my beautiful child's father.
Yet I know i'm a million times more than I feel right now.
I need to be able to put my worries aside and focus on rebuilding myself.
I know deep inside I'm not done for,
yet have become a defeatist and my own worst enemy.
TO THE POINT
In the past 2 years I have had to make some choices
:Rent
:Child support
:Taxes
:Food
:Social security
:Health insurance
Even when things have been difficult, I have managed to some how pay the first 5. But I couldn't afford all 6.
The health insurance...!!
> I haven't paid at all and therefor have been without medical coverage for over 2 years.
Fortunately I'm one of those guys that doesn't need to go to the doctor and in fact am not even registered with one
Each end of tax year I must sign a form stating I've paid both social and health insurance,, knowing its not true.
I have been of the mind that I will have to deal with it when it catches up on me and I cannot falsify?lye anymore.or will eventually be able to back pay and get things straight
Somehow the system still hasn't found out.
But due to the Covid crises,
I'm Getting more and more scared. Not so much about me, but for not being there for my son.
I'm scared to end up trying to pretend to myself that I wouldn't need to go to the hospital and I could overcome it alone at home with hot lemon and Vics vapour rub.
I'm constantly feeling anxious, often having awful dreams about my boy and going over and over in my mind of how i got myself into this none insured state and not being there for my son tomorrow.
Lots more have happened in my life in the past years{family loss and business opportunities } which probably have had profound effects, but these I choose not to include as Its not now my main problem.
Walking into the hospital if needed and being there tomorrow for my son is my concern right now
Therefor, I ask If anyone can help with helping me to post pay my health insurance and help me get back on track. then it would help get my life back in order
Please NOTE,
I AM NOT SICK AND DO NOT CLAIM TO BE SICK
I just want to be able to go to hospital if the time should arise, with confidence that they would help me without questioning my insurance coverage.
My initial feelings
PART 1}
I would of preferred to of shared my story/go fund me appeal with strangers
Rather than be forced to share with friends, acquaintances, peers, former colleagues, and any other of life's connections ..
but as modern life is a construct of our connections, then I'm somewhat forced to share my life's undoing ....
with those who can judge with at least one eye open
PART2}
Initially I worried about my Pride...
about how i would be seen,or judged... but then i said....{F}uck it..
My greatest pride is my boy..my son
so,... if I ask for help and feel ashamed... then its a fair price paid ...for its possible rewards
I'd rather shame myself,keep my nose and smell my boy each day than cut my nose off and lose experiencing him
Thanks for taking the time to hear me..
>as, A Go Fund Me, or even ask for help. { my whole life has been win or lose I do it alone}
and to be Honest ...
Its hard to open myself in such a vulnerable position
But recently the world has changed and to be completely honest, so have I.
I'm a little scared or rather I have an unease/nervousness rolling around in my stomach due to my predicament
I'm 48 and live in the Czech republic, but am originally from the UK.
I have lived in Prague for several years on and off.
I used to be in Hotel management at mid management level for over 10 years. I earned good/reasonable money and felt as though Life would always be on the up. But after travelling from position to position over the course of time with my Czech partner, she decided that she wanted us to return to her home country closer to her family and maybe start a family of our own.
I was never a man who desired children and in reality lived the spouse life with a single mans mentality.
We had a child{ my first child} when I was 45, she 35. and after one year or so ended up falling apart and ending the 10yr relationship.
I found an apartment and moved out. The apartment was more than I could realistically afford, but it was nice and in a semi decent location
> yes I could of found something slightly cheaper, but I didn't want to be alone after 10yrs and stuck n an ugly apartment in the outskirts of a city unable to speak the language. I'm sure if you're reading this and have lived abroad you will understand.
Anyway, my overall costs have been greater or equal to my earnings in the past 2 years.
I am self employed, That being said, I can work a normal job but pay my own social security, pension and health insurance.
{salaries in CZ are about 50-60% of the European average or 40-50% of my previous 10yr average}
My work has often been sporadic,
A few months here and there.
I have not been able to regain the positions or heights that I had worked so hard to build over the previous 10yrs when I had worked for the hotels.
I know its mainly my fault as I haven't mastered the local language.
Whereas due to my position in the other hotels and countries where English was the operational language, so it was never an issue,
In Prague, all general operations run in Czech language. So with not having the language skills I am F...ed
My last contract finished in mid November 2019, and was due to start 3rd February 2020.
I had accounted for this period and had set something aside to cover me until I restarted the contract. But the company was apprehensive about signing people on due to the initial outbreak{ The work was cross boarder}
So I haven't been able to earn anything since this period.
Yes I had some money set aside for rainy days ... but as we all know.
No one was expecting 40 days and 40 nights of storms....
...If This environment was expected, then we all would of built a mooring for an ARK.
I'm really grateful to my landlord who last month told me not to worry about the rent.. "we'll sort it all out later when things settle down" {what a star}
Not to mention, in these last two years, after all that has passed and Iv'e been through. I really haven't felt full of drive and have lacked motivation.
I have and do feel LOST.
surviving day by day week by week and existing for my son but not existing for myself or my own tomorrow.
I love my son to bits and am so happy to have him, especially since after 40 I never thought I would have child.
But I'm not alive, I feel dead inside...a few years ago I was the boss, the joker, the Man,head of household, the director, provider the ,,,.
now I feel that I'm nothing. Other than my beautiful child's father.
Yet I know i'm a million times more than I feel right now.
I need to be able to put my worries aside and focus on rebuilding myself.
I know deep inside I'm not done for,
yet have become a defeatist and my own worst enemy.
TO THE POINT
In the past 2 years I have had to make some choices
:Rent
:Child support
:Taxes
:Food
:Social security
:Health insurance
Even when things have been difficult, I have managed to some how pay the first 5. But I couldn't afford all 6.
The health insurance...!!
> I haven't paid at all and therefor have been without medical coverage for over 2 years.
Fortunately I'm one of those guys that doesn't need to go to the doctor and in fact am not even registered with one
Each end of tax year I must sign a form stating I've paid both social and health insurance,, knowing its not true.
I have been of the mind that I will have to deal with it when it catches up on me and I cannot falsify?lye anymore.or will eventually be able to back pay and get things straight
Somehow the system still hasn't found out.
But due to the Covid crises,
I'm Getting more and more scared. Not so much about me, but for not being there for my son.
I'm scared to end up trying to pretend to myself that I wouldn't need to go to the hospital and I could overcome it alone at home with hot lemon and Vics vapour rub.
I'm constantly feeling anxious, often having awful dreams about my boy and going over and over in my mind of how i got myself into this none insured state and not being there for my son tomorrow.
Lots more have happened in my life in the past years{family loss and business opportunities } which probably have had profound effects, but these I choose not to include as Its not now my main problem.
Walking into the hospital if needed and being there tomorrow for my son is my concern right now
Therefor, I ask If anyone can help with helping me to post pay my health insurance and help me get back on track. then it would help get my life back in order
Please NOTE,
I AM NOT SICK AND DO NOT CLAIM TO BE SICK
I just want to be able to go to hospital if the time should arise, with confidence that they would help me without questioning my insurance coverage.
My initial feelings
PART 1}
I would of preferred to of shared my story/go fund me appeal with strangers
Rather than be forced to share with friends, acquaintances, peers, former colleagues, and any other of life's connections ..
but as modern life is a construct of our connections, then I'm somewhat forced to share my life's undoing ....
with those who can judge with at least one eye open
PART2}
Initially I worried about my Pride...
about how i would be seen,or judged... but then i said....{F}uck it..
My greatest pride is my boy..my son
so,... if I ask for help and feel ashamed... then its a fair price paid ...for its possible rewards
I'd rather shame myself,keep my nose and smell my boy each day than cut my nose off and lose experiencing him
Thanks for taking the time to hear me..
Organizer and beneficiary
Claynp P
Organizer
England
Natalie Powell
Beneficiary