My daughter, Nicole Louise Gray

Hello. My name is Grant and I am fundraising for my son-in-law, Logan (38), and her son Cobe (20).

My daughter, Nicole, was diagnosed with cancer late in 2021. It was what the experts deemed as "the easy" cancer with a 90% recovery rate. Unfortunately she fell into the 10% category and passed away at 5:59 am, July 13, 2024 at the age of 38.

I'm sorry I'm going to be so long winded, but I want everyone to know how much of a devoted and loving husband Logan was to my daughter. The self sacrifice he made to comfort her and provide for her needs to the best of his ability right to the end. This has however resulted in financial hardship. My having helped my wife with her mothers death and estate, I know first hand the challenges Logan and Cobe face regarding upcoming expenses. Outside of the funeral costs, there are lawyer and accountant fees, time spent dealing with the CRA, BC Vital Statistics, Probate, etc. at a time when there is no income. For my mother-in-law, this came to just under $11,000.00 and took 3-1/2 years to finalize.

It's going to take time for Logan to reestablish his business and have a revenue stream again to support himself and my grandson. If we can reach the goal, this should look after the expenses listed above for my daughters departure and provide sufficient funds to pay the bills for the next couple of months until Logan gets his feet back on the ground. If we can exceed the goal, the extra funds can pay for Cobe's college education to realize his mother's dream. Every parent hopes their child does better then themselves. Nicole was no different regarding her son.

She was able to see her son graduate from high school before her physical health began it's decline. Instead of going to college, he chose to stay home with mom to do the household chores and assist her as needed while dad continued to run his small business to earn the family income. They rent, not own, their mobile home to put a roof over their heads, while growing the business. This allowed them to begin developing an emergency fund.

In January of 2024, Nicole's disease took a drastic turn for the worst when it infected her entire lymphatic system. She was having difficulty walking or standing and became easily exhausted. It was becoming difficult for her son, Cobe, to take care of his mom on his own. Logan suspended his business operations to become a 24/7 caregiver.

Although they had saved money in anticipation that additional expenses would be incurred if the disease progressed, planning for the worst, Nicole was committed to beating the cancer and recover. But as Nicole's condition deteriorated further, their emergency funds were being used not just for the monthly bills and rent, but the purchase of a wheelchair to move her around the house as well as oxygen bottles plus refills, and other medical expenses not covered by MSP. This drained those funds at a quicker pace than anticipated.

On June 7, 2024, the decision was made by her physician to move her into the Cowichan Hospice House. The above picture was taken June 10 when she still had the ability to get herself into the wheelchair with some assistance.

Her husband moved into her room at Hospice to continue providing her with 24/7 support while the medical staff looked after her medications for pain management. What ever Nicole wanted she got. On June 20, 2024, we had a scare when she went into a coma and became unresponsive. This was due to switching from oral Morphine to injection at the same dosage, resulting in an accidental overdose. She did come out of it the next day but was visibly weaker.

Upon hearing this, I took a leave of absence from work on the mainland and booked a ferry & hotel on the island for 3 nights to be with her. I anticipated this to be a visit and expected her to be with us for a number of weeks yet.

After having a short visit with Nicole before she fell asleep, I was talking with Logan who came up with a brilliant idea to surprise Nicole by flying her best friend from Ontario. Her friend couldn't afford the flight so Logan purchased the round trip ticket on her behalf, further depleting the emergency funds.

Although her friend moved to Ontario when they were both teenagers, they regularly kept in touch but hadn't seen one another for 20 years. Nicole was so very happy and perked right up when her friend arrived.

Over the next 4 days, she was very alive catching up on the lost years. I extended my stay another 2 nights at the hotel with the intention of returning to work on the Thursday. When her friend departed to return to her family in Ontario, it was a very rough goodbye and took a lot out of Nicole.

On the Wednesday when I was supposed to return to the mainland, she was very tired, didn't eat and had few lucid moments. This is when I could tell Logan was also very tired and needed some sort of break. While she was sleeping, we had a discussion where he started telling me about their financial situation for the first time. I was able to provide some funds, but with the cost of ferries, the hotel room, etc., combined with not earning any money while on a leave of absence from my minimum wage job, my emergency funds were also drying up. My financial assistance is limited.

With her friend gone, there was room for me to move into Nicole's room along with Logan. This eliminated the further expense of a hotel room. We also planned to take alternating shifts for the overnight vigil while the other slept. I told work I would be gone for an indefinite period.

When Nicole woke up Thursday morning and saw my face, she brightened up once again. Despite the medical staff who witnessed that she was declining quickly over the preceding 2 weeks and believed she would be leaving us within the next few days, she appeared to be getting better during the next week.

The nurses did up her hair and she had energy again. She was unable to get out of bed on her own, but the nurses were able to use a hoist and put her into a wheelchair. Logan, Nicole and I had a couple of meals in the courtyard outside so she could experience life away from the 4 walls of her room.

As nice of a facility the Cowichan Hospice House is with very friendly and helpful staff, the food was terrible. We either had outtake from various restaurants she liked, or used the kitchen to cook her favorite meals. She really enjoyed her Caramel Frappuccino, so every morning at 6 am, I went to Starbucks to get her the preferred beverage. We did our best to spoil her. She improved so much that Logan suggested I return home Wednesday and come back Saturday night. I hadn't seen my wife in two weeks (Nicole's mother and I are divorced) and I did have to deal with a few issues at work requiring my physical presence to solve.

I really didn't want to leave, seeing Nicole in this condition. She slept almost the entire day and didn't eat or drink. I was concerned she was taking a drastic turn for the worse. Logan insisted I should go so he could have some one on one time with her. Fortunately while I was at work, I received a text from Logan saying she was doing better the next day.

I returned to Duncan after work on the Saturday night to find Nicole was in good spirits. I was able to spend some quality time with her over the next 2 days while Logan went home for the first time in a month to spend a couple of nights with their son. We had some very good conversations while Logan was away. She smiled and laughed never losing her sense of humour.

She was still doing well on Tuesday, July 9 until the palliative care physician checked in on her. Logan was kicked out of the room while the doctor talked to Nicole. I was allowed to remain for some reason. The doctor convinced Nicole that Logan should continue to stay at home as he is preventing her from thinking about accepting her fate, and making peace with herself. The doctor then had a conversation with Logan and I in a separate room and said she is very weak and close to passing on, so he should stay at home.

Logan followed the advice and went home that night. Nicole didn't fall asleep until 9 am Wednesday morning, thinking about the doctor's words. For the rest of the day, she was lucid for short periods then fell asleep again without eating or drinking. By the time Logan dropped in for a visit to check on her that evening, I suggested he ignore the doctor's instructions and stay with her until I returned Saturday night. He agreed without hesitation. In the event this may be her final hurrah, I said my goodbyes and gave her permission to start her next journey. I wanted to give Logan and Nicole some last one on one time while they still could in case she didn't bounce back like she did the previous 2 weeks.

Thursday she ate a little but had difficulty swallowing and talking. Friday she was completely unresponsive. Logan also gave her permission to leave this life on the Friday night. She passed away with Logan by her side early Saturday morning, almost as if his permission is what she was waiting for.

You think you have all the time in the world. Nicole was taken from us far too soon. Logan and Cobe still have to carry on with their young lives while grieving, and any help that can be provided through a donation would be greatly appreciated.

Nicole will be missed, but never forgotten.

Thank you.