Hi my name is Matthew, I was diagnosed with gender dysphoria which means I was born in the wrong body. I first went to my doctor's when I was 17 as I couldn't understand what was going on inside of my head and with my body as I had body parts that didn't belong to me as I am a male yet have women's parts, so after seeing my doctor I was referred to the gender clinic went on a waiting list to see the doctor there and finally got the ball rolling to understanding who I was , I still struggled daily would self harm try to take my life as I felt like I couldn't continue to live how I was trapped inside the wrong body. I am also a recovering alcoholic it was just so easy to turn to the drink to block it all out , I was seeing councillors for years as you have to show the doctors you are 100% sure about everything, so its been a very long road from the age of 17 to now I am 35 as with self harming, drinking , trying to end my life, I wasn't deemed stable to start treatment but I finally get the right help and changed my life for the better, I have been sober around 8 years now. And in 2019 I have my chest operation to remove the breasts I was lucky enough to have it thru the NHS , everything went amazing and I thought yes I am on the right path to getting the body I should of been born with. I went to have meeting to show I was 100% mentally stable to continue on the journey and for the last 7 years I have waited and waited to get to get an appointment to go to meet with the surgeon to get the next operation but with it being under the NHS the waiting list is really long and they lost the contract in one hospital so had to find another hospital, COVID put everything on hold so that didn't help. So I am really hoping I can be able to raise the funds to be able to go private and have the operations as then my body would be complete and I wouldn't have to face the daily struggles anymore, every single day I wake up and think or still in same place nothing has changed and yes still at times I do wake up and think why I am even still alive as I am not living it's just endless battles and it does get so tiring but I am honestly trying everything I possibly can to raise the funds myself to be able to get the next operations, I have been trying to do live videos on tictok to gain more followers to then be able to earn money for my funds, I have never really done fun raising as I didn't have the faintest idea what to do but I am trying everything, never in my life did I ever believe I would be doing live videos as I do struggle massively with my confidence I have received hate on my socials as sadly that happens at time. I am not someone who doing all this for nothing I am genuinely 100% honest in every thing I have wrote I will include more photos so people can see I genuinely have had my breasts removed and I am currently on testsrone gel 7 Pumps day until I get my next operations as once they are all complete then I don't need the gel anymore or monthly injections I can just get on with my life like everyone else. How I could maybe explain how it is for me daily is an example being just think of you having something on your body like say a lump and you have to have an operation to remove it so you can live your life normally that's the same for me I have a part that doesn't belong to me so I therefore need operations to have it removed and the correct part , but sadly the operations I need cost a very large sum of money so I am trying with everything I have to raise the funds I have been doing fun raising on my Facebook to hopefully be able to hit my target so I honestly would appreciate any help at all even £1 as that's one pound closer to my goal. I know I have wrote a lot but I am trying to give people a clear understanding of me and my life.