INTRO

Assalamu alaikum, brothers and sisters.

I am organizing this fundraiser on behalf of a sister I’ve known for over 5 years now. I met her on campus through the MSA, and we’ve been friends since. She has refused favours countless times, but is finally able to accept that she needs help too. Masha’Allah, she is so humble and hardworking. In order to protect her from bullying and harassment, she’s using an alias for fear that her parents will find out. I’ve asked her to write her story for me to share here.

The following in QUOTATIONS are HER words.

“My story may shock you, although it may be more common than we know. I'm not an orphan, but I've been homeless—twice. I'm a Muslim woman, but my parents didn't take care of me and the masajid don't give Zakat to the poor and needy, although they claim they do. My name is Aisha Khan, and I'm 23 years old, living in Toronto.

I have waited this long to share my story because I was and still am so scared that my family, friends and the Muslim community as a whole may attack me for speaking up and sharing the raw truth that many wish to sweep under the carpet. Please read until the end.”

HER STORY BEGINS

“I was born into a Muslim family and have always been a practicing Muslim (namaz 5 times a day, eating halal, staying away from free mixing, and wearing hijab). I obeyed my parents and tried my very best to be a good daughter. I even learned about how to be a good wife early on, starting at the age of 9 so that I could marry young as my parents wished. In my pursuit in knowledge of the Deen and Marriage, ironically, I learned about the different types of abuse and the red flags to look out for in a potential spouse. It was hard for me to accept at first, but I realized bit by bit that my parents had all the red flags and were most definitely abusive towards me, despite how patient I was with them. I learned that they had been infringing on my rights as a Muslim, as a daughter, and as a person both legally and according to Sharia law.”

HER ESCAPE

“So, I decided to pursue post secondary studies as soon as possible instead of taking a year off to work and save up money. I often had arguments with my parents because they refused to buy me food, clothes and feminine products that I desperately needed. My university was more than two hours away from my parent's house so, naturally, I had to leave. Thankfully, my father had no problem with me moving out and even helped me move out. That may sound great, but where would I get the money to rent a place? OSAP wasn't enough to rent even a bedroom with shared accommodation (shared washroom, kitchen, living room, etc). I was only $100 short per month or $1200 per year, to pay for a bedroom with SHARED accommodation (NOT a one-bedroom apartment to myself), so I thought that surely my parents would not let me become homeless. Surely they would cough up the money I know they had.”

ABANDONMENT

“But guess what. They did. They dumped me at a random Muslim family’s home who had, not one, but two sons who had reached puberty, plus the father. It is Haram for me to live with non-mahram men, but my parents didn't care. They didn't even know that family at all. The day they dumped me there was the day they met them for the first time. Alhamdulillah, the family was kind to me, but they had cockroaches and only two bedrooms which meant I had to sleep in the open on a couch. I felt so unsafe and was in severe emotional distress every single night, praying to God that I wouldn't be molested or raped or have cockroaches crawl on me while I sleep. Alhamdulillah, nothing like that happened, but the fact is that it very much COULD have happened and what sane, loving Muslim parents would put their daughter in such a situation?!!! At the young age of 18, I was officially abandoned by my parents, who contributed zero dollars to my name. I was extremely hurt and didn't know if I should even call my parents mother and father anymore. How was I different from an orphan? I would later be homeless for a second time in-between moves again, during school.

I had to go to school right off the bat. No time to get used to my new lifestyle living with strangers. I worried they might steal my things while I was away or rummage through my belongings. I don't believe they ever did, but you can imagine how much additional stress that had put on me. I went to school feeling exhausted, depressed, scared, lonely and isolated. It felt like nothing was in my control and that no one in the world cared for me. Despite these heavy feelings, I forced myself to show up for my first day at school.”

SABR (PATIENCE)

“After a month, the prices for rentals went down, and I was able to finally move out. Unfortunately, this place was unfurnished, so I slept on the bare floor. I continued going to school despite how much my body hurt from sleeping on the cold hard floor with no blanket or pillow even. I wish I was making this up, and I'm so deeply embarrassed that any of this happened to me. My parents obviously knew about my situation, but still didn't help me. At some point, my father decided to get me a cheap secondhand mattress, which I later realized was infested with bed bugs. Thanks baba. I had to tell the landlord to get my room sprayed. I also got rid of the bug infested mattress, which meant I was back to sleeping on the floor.”

PARENTS GASLIGHTING HER

“I guess my mother suddenly grew a conscious because she decided to buy me a bed frame and mattress. It was actually decent. She bought me a cheap curtain shower and a few other cheap home items, but that was it. After that, I didn't really get any help from my parents ever again and even when they did on rare occasions with minor things, I was shamed for asking for help. Meanwhile, if I was in a pinch and didn’t ask, they would say, ‘why didn't you ask us for help?!’ Gee… I don't know… maybe because my parents are bipolar, narcissistic, emotionally, spiritually and financially abusive? Maybe that's why?!!! I had to stop asking them for help and telling them about my life because they don’t respect me at all and expect me to feed them when they visit even though I’m starving and have no money. There’s nothing loving about them. Any small favours came with strings attached like a puppet, and if I complained to them about my financial situation, they will say it’s my fault instead of admitting that they didn’t meet their religious and legal obligations to provide for their daughter.”

DENTAL ISSUES

“By this time, I started having severe pain in my jaw and head. I would get brief but intense headaches during class, on the bus and even in my sleep. It was my wisdom teeth pushing all my other teeth to the front. When I was still living with my parents, the dentist told them that my wisdom teeth have to be removed soon. They warned my parents about the repercussions, but they just didn't care. They lied and said that they couldn't afford it, but they always had money to upkeep the pool and even replace it entirely. It's not cheap to purchase a whole new pool, with new walls, new lining, new ladder, new pump, new accessories, chemicals, water, etc. They got a new pool even though their daughter needed a necessary medical procedure. The effects of my wisdom teeth not being removed was not limited to mine grains, difficulty sleeping and paying attention in class, it also led to severe cavities in my molar teeth because I couldn't floss. Every time I would try to floss them, the floss would literally break because my teeth were so tightly compacted together. I didn't know what to do. I didn't have any health insurance, savings, government funding, nothing. I felt like killing myself. I still don't know how I found the will to keep living when I couldn't even take care of my most basic needs. I started having additional pain in my mouth from the cavities that were beginning to form. Despite all this happening to me, I put myself through school. I had no friends and no one to lean on.”

SEEKING HELP FROM FOOD BANKS

“I was malnourished and underfed, and I oftentimes still am. I've been to the food bank, but it doesn't solve the issue, and you can only go once a month. Later, I took a bus all the way to a Muslim food bank and they treated me so badly. It's so offensive that the first thing she asked me was if I was there to volunteer. I was given the dirtiest looks from the sister volunteers when I said I was there to get food, not to volunteer. The people who work for food banks should be more educated about what poverty actually looks like in the 21st century. Not all poor people are smelly, or look disheveled or wear tattered clothing. Just because I carry myself with dignity doesn't mean that I'm not poor. It's not my fault my parents are irresponsible, and I shouldn't have to feel bad for what they did to me. The community should shame the parents who do not fulfill the rights of the children and who try to force their children to marry too young and to marry someone they aren't interested in. This is exactly what my parents did to me, but I refused to give in.”

ASKING ABOUT ZAKAT

“When I asked my local sheikh about Zakat and where I can get Zakat, he didn't answer me. I asked him why the masajid don't give Zakat to the poor, and he simply left me on read. I even tried to apply for funding through National Zakat foundation, but they aren’t even accepting applications at this time and for God knows how long. I have a friend who applied almost a year ago and she still has not received any funding. Please consider reserving your Zakat donations for me instead of giving it to large organizations that do not guarantee where the funds will go. ISNA Canada openly told me that some of their Zakat funds are going towards building another masjid in Yellowknife instead of the poor and the needy.”

CAN’T CATCH A BREAK

“I've worked so many jobs, but all were minimum wage because I don't have a car that would allow me to work in my field. I also don't have a driver's license because my father prevented me from getting one while I was still living with him. After I moved out, I've been living paycheck to paycheck, so I never had any savings to spend on my G1 test or driving lessons. I was actually offered a job from one of my teachers in my first semester of school, but it requires me to have a vehicle. I was so devastated that I missed out on such a great opportunity, and felt ashamed that I let my teacher down when he saw so much potential in me.

‘Till this day, I have not had the opportunity to work in my field directly. I'm stuck in a rut and I can't catch a break. I'm so capable and willing to continue working hard, but I need help. I need money to get a driver's license, driving lessons, fix my teeth, pay my rent, to buy healthy food, especially fresh fruit and vegetables which are sooooo expensive these days, to pay for transportation and other basic living expenses. I can’t even get married because I have so many issues. I don’t want to be a ‘strong, independent woman’. There’s nothing fun or glorious in it. I just want to marry, but I need to have my basics in order before any brother would show interest in me. Please help me.”

WHERE YOUR DONATIONS WILL GO

Monthly Expenses

Rent: $2,000

Transportation: $100

Food: $500

Self-care (shampoo, moisturizer, feminine hygiene products, etc): $150

Cleaning and laundry products: $50

Basic clothing: $100

Total Monthly: $2,900

Total Yearly: $34,800

One-Time Expenses

Dental Procedures: $54,241.75

G1/G2 tests: $158.25

Driving lessons: $800

TOTAL GOAL: $90,000

“Most months, I don't have leftover money to buy any clothes or cleaning products. Sometimes I have to cut out groceries just to pay my rent on time. I'm still getting rid of my clothes from high school which don't fit, but what can I do? I do have a few new pieces of clothing, but I only have three cold season outfits and only two hot season outfits. I've tried shopping at thrift stores, but they don't have hijabs or abayas. New ones are completely out of my budget.”

MAKE A DIFFERENCE TODAY

“My father, my older brothers and uncles, have all failed to fulfill their roles as mahrams in my life and did not take care of my most basic needs. If you would like to be the one to help take care of me, please donate generously today. I will send you a personal thank you and du'a, InshaAllah, if you allow me. Thank you for taking the time to read all of this and for caring enough to at least know about my story. May Allah, the Most-Compassionate, accept our good deeds and purify our intentions, always. Ameen."

Please share with your friends and family to help our sister in need!

Nurhidayah Shamalisham on behalf of Aisha Khan