Mrs. Squeezly's Last Act

Mrs. Beasley, the myth, the legend, is finally too tired. It's time for her to resume her watch in the 9th circle of our earthly kingdom's basement and I'm aiming to give her a proper send off.

Those who know her story are aware that she no longer deals narcotics outside elementary schools since her hips went out. Without access to her old connections, we'll need to make expensive legal arrangements for her daily pain medications and at-home euthanasia.

If possible, I would also like to afford a week off work to spend time with the queen of my darkest heart so that I might help to prepare her for the upcoming journey to the Deep South.

In all seriousness, the baby girl's kidneys, thyroid and heart are failing, the vet suspects a brain tumor but we can't afford the testing and she wouldn't survive the treatment. She struggles to walk and jump and can't enjoy the things she used to. She's struggled with spells of blindness, seizures, loss of appetite, nausea, and dementia. The meds have done what they can and I fear she won't be relatively comfortable for much longer. She is my family and nothing has ever been more important to me.

Thank you helping us enjoy our time together until she's back on that thorny, flaming throne of the depths. It's been a pleasure having her, but it's been 18 years since someone pissed on Pol Pot's feet, we all know she has important work to get back to.