I was a mother of three. Their father set me on fire while I was pregnant. She was fine even with the year I spent in the burn center, even with the job's garments which hurt if you don’t know much about burns. He burned 22% of my body. I had four surgeries and I also have four skin grafts. The story gets better than there or worse. Here I am in a burn center, two babies, one on the way, and I’m alone. Luckily, my mom helped with the girls while I was healing. If it wasn’t for her, I don’t know if we would’ve even lived. Maybe we weren’t even supposed to live. If it was the 1700s, they would’ve just left us to die. Maybe that would’ve been less cruel, but instead, I was made into a single mother. I tried to find a husband, but he died at 36 from kidney failure due to diabetes. I only had nine years with him. After that, I gave up on men for a while. All they ever did was hurt us or yell at my girls. They treated them like slaves or like they’re supposed to know everything when they’re just kids. I don’t know how I ever ended up with men who never had kids of their own, but somehow that’s just what happened.

I got a Facebook message from a high school friend, well, more than a friend. He wanted to get married so quickly, and I had hesitations from the beginning, but I already had a foundation with this guy, and I needed help. However, I was the one who ended up working 14/16 hour days, and he spent the money on women. My money that I worked for, not on my kids, on other women. I can’t say that I didn’t go a little crazy with that. I did find the girl, and I told her husband, and when he wouldn’t listen, I called his mother. Then, when that didn’t help, I posted it all over the pumps at the gas station where they met every morning. I was a little vindictive and very young and naïve. After all this, I got a job offer. It was in Florida. I went to open up some restaurants there. My husband that had cheated on me, of course, went with me because I was dumb enough to forgive him. He ended up leaving me for the waitress that I hired, but it didn’t last very long. He’s in prison for a very, very long time for what he did to her child. Thank God my kids were too old for him. Plus, Katie would’ve probably kicked his ass.

I’ve had two dreams in my life that actually meant anything. The first dream was that we were gonna go to Florida, and he was gonna leave me and cheat on me there. I saw the girl plain as day, and I still hired her. I don’t know why. I guess it was just thinking my gut was wrong. The second dream was that Katie got shot in the head. Katie didn’t get shot in the head, thank God for that, but she was killed coldly on a bathroom floor. A dirty bathroom floor. She was 21, barely 21, just starting her life. It took everything I had to get her home to bury her in Georgia where she belongs, and I will never go back to Florida. Never. Except for I have a grandchild there, so I can’t say never, but the way things have been going in my life, I’ll never have the money to see her, to go there and just hold her, my Bella. I miss her, and I miss her mom, and her mom should be raising her. Katie was outstanding, smart. Not a kid that you would ever think would get herself into a situation like that, nor would I ever think the police would walk up my driveway and tell me my daughter was never coming home.

Now I’m suspended from work until they decide what they’re gonna do: the assisted living into a nursing home or keep it going. We don’t know because I haven’t been there at that specific location long enough. I cannot draw any money from them. It’s a legal thing. Don’t think I haven’t been looking because I have been looking everywhere for work, for anything. The longer I sit here in this house, the worse it gets for me. I need to go back to work. I need to be around people. I need to be able to pay my bills, and I need support. I don’t know what I need. I know my rent is $850. It doesn’t seem like a lot, but when you’re in a bad situation, everything is a lot. My husband’s been gone for 10 months. I haven’t gotten really any help from him at all, which I never really thought I would. He’s very selfish. I pick some of the worst men sometimes. I know I drive people crazy asking all the time, but I have this terrible fear of abandonment, and I can’t make it go away. Believe me, I’ve tried, and I’ve been alone for months now. If anyone, anyone at all, can just help me, just a dollar, anything, I promise God will make it up to you. It says in the Bible to help those who cannot help themselves, and I cannot. Please help me.