I really hate asking for financial help, but not nearly as much as I hate losing Monte - my husband, my best friend, my inner child, my collaborator, the creator of my laugh lines. But when a friend of his - who has known Monte since she was 15 and he was 18 – understood what my needs were going to be in the near future, she urged me to allow her to help me set up this GoFundMe and strongly suggested that it have a minimum $12,000 fundraising goal.

One initially thinks about the cost of final arrangements, and certainly, that’s the immediate expense, but I’m grateful that the cheapest cremation plan out there came in for just under a thousand. More good news: We’ve been in this apartment for almost 20 years, so the rent is well below what others are currently paying at move-in.

But, of course, I’m losing his meager Social Security, which along with my slightly less meager Social, covered 2/3 of the rent. And frankly, the credit card debt is equal to what’s in the savings account. Trust me, you don’t wanna know. Anyway, I could pay off most of the debt, but it would leave me with no padding whatsoever, other than what’s on my thighs.

The beaters are owned outright (I’ll likely sell the 2004 Lancer but of course keep the Smart), the cat’s in decent health, and with outside help on pricing, inventory, and other details, I’ll continue to try to sell the thousands of vintage collectible paperbacks Monte so meticulously curated, acquired, and sold through the eBay store, Wunderstump Books. That income doesn’t amount to much, but it generally takes care of the gas and groceries.

I’ll keep my two once-a-week housecleaning clients, which combined bring in a whopping $380 a month, and now that Monte’s gone, if I’m willing to listen to the Dodgers on the radio and forgo watching them on the telly, I’ll cut the cord on the damned cable, among other stupidiot and unnecessary expenses. Thank god I’m frugal as ef. I may have as many character defects as the next guy, but fortunately, profligacy is not one of them.

We lost our longtime roommate to Florida over a year ago and didn’t feel the urgency to get a replacement for the second bedroom. But now the time has come. So with any luck and some judicious interviewing, I think I can stay in the apartment here in the San Fernando Valley. It’s home, and going back to San Francisco at this stage of my life would be out of the question, and likely pointless as well.

Bottom line, in the near future I’m going to be doing an awful lot of financial maneuvering and decision-making as to where to spend money, and what to scratch off the list. I don’t expect to go hungry or lose the popcorn ceiling over my head, but it’s probably going to be touch and go for a while in most areas of my life.

Please don’t be offended by this fundraising endeavor. But if you are, blame that old friend of Monte’s. It’s her fault. She started it. Anyway, with great reluctance and enormous gratitude, I ask for your help to get me through the immediate future without the love of my life, my husband, Mr. Wunderstump, “The Big M” - Monte Christiansen. But let’s get one thing straight: I’m still going to be living with Monte; he just won’t be here.