Mom's Dementia a loving daughter's plea

      I am a hard-working mom of 4 beautiful kids. The past few years have been some of the hardest I have ever had. Due to cutbacks at my work I fell behind on some bills, then things started breaking on me. My dryer, dishwasher and microwave stopped working and was unfixable. My van became dangerous to drive so now I must walk or take the bus everywhere, doctors’ appointments, work, errands, grocery shopping, and taking my kids to and from school.

   My mom is an amazing woman, her name is Mary and she is my hero. She taught me about the kind of mom I want to be. A stay at home mom that took care of the kids and volunteered for field trips. When I was 5, I was diagnosed with a rare muscle disease. She was there every step of the way, doctor appointments, hospital stays. At the age of 10 my dad died of a massive heart attack right in front of us. Mom was faced with a tough decision, how to move forward with her 2 young kids. She decided to move us back home to be with her sisters. With only a grade 10 education she found a job cleaning tables at one of the local malls for over 25 years. She worked hard and raised us as a single mom, we may not have had a lot, but we never went without. She loves animals, Bingo, her grandbabies, her kids and Elvis. She would joke around saying who needs expensive paintings when you can have pictures of Elvis.

   We have always been a close family, talking on the phone every other day, visits so she can see me and her grand babies. As a special thank you for everything, on one of her trips to see me and the kids, I surprised her with one of her bucket list trips… to Las Vegas. It may have only been for 3 days, but it was the happiest I had ever seen her.

   Fast forward to recent, my brother and I started to notice some behaviour that was out of character. She became very forgetful, listless, irritated at the smallest things. My kids and I decided it was a good idea for her to come for a visit, so for Christmas 2017 she came to see us. It was alright the first day, but she would go for a lot of walks and get turned around, she would not sleep longer than an hour at a time throughout the night. She would forget who we were and continue to ask us frequently through the day when does she get to go home to her son. I would not sleep while she was here for fear of her walking out of the house at night and get lost. There were a few good moments where I saw Mom and she knew me, but those moments were few.

    Once she went home things continued to worsen rapidly. My brother had lived with my mom for over 10 years and became increasingly concerned for her safety with the things he noticed and discussed with me. We had been working together trying to get her assessed for months leading up to this, but every effort failed. Mom refused any outside help, would fight going to any and all doctor appointments. Finally, we were able to get her assessed at home. She was not happy by any means, but it had to be done. They tested her and confirmed she had dementia. They listed her as a danger to herself and was put on the urgent care list for a nursing home. From the time she was put on the list to the time we got the call that they found her a place some very scary events happened. She would light her cigarettes on the stove top. My brother unplugged the stove when he was not home to make sure she would be safe. She then proceeded to try and light her cigarettes in the microwave. The scariest was when she would try and light 1 lighter with another thinking the first lighter was a cigarette. Frequently burn marks were found throughout the house, couch, chair, carpet, tables. With my brother working and unable to stay at home with her all the time we were scared something would happen. Once we got the call and she was moved into the nursing home a huge weight was lifted as we knew she was no longer in danger, she was safe and would get the care she needed and deserved. Mom is now in a wheelchair permanently, as she has become so frail and weak, she can not walk and can’t stand without assistance. She is unable to shower or care for herself. She is even losing the ability to feed herself. In her few days there she was properly assessed and was diagnosed with moderate to severe Dementia. After about a week her blood pressure was low, they were so concerned that she was taken to the hospital for tests. During the tests they discovered she has a 15 cm metastasized tumour on her left lung. They also found a second tumour on her brain, they believe that is what is causing the Dementia to progress so rapidly.

  Just after Christmas 2018 I received a text from my brother asking me if I wanted to take over everything for mom. He told me if I don’t, he would get the government to do it. I did not know where to begin. But I knew one thing, she taught me, no matter what, take care of those you love. I did not know how, but I knew it was my responsibility to take care of things there.

   A family member suggested I start a Gofund me page to help alleviate some of the worry and burden of accumulating debt. I am in the process of petitioning for guardianship. Until then I have her house, the bills, he medication and healthcare costs as well as the legal costs for the guardianship. I love my mom so much and wish I had the funds to help my mom on my own, but I don’t have that kind of money.  

I know the struggle I have ahead of me. That is why, on behalf of my mom, my kids and myself I am asking for your help, I am scared and hurting, I don’t want to fail my mom. Its hard enough to watch her fade away little by little, but the stress and expense is overwhelming.

No contribution is too small, and all donations are appreciated more than words can say.