(name/identifying information has been changed for safety reasons)

Hi.

I am a mother who is putting together a plan to leave my abusive spouse.

For many years, I was trapped in a relationship marked by coercive control and psychological narcissistic abuse—a pattern of subtle, relentless manipulation that eroded my sense of self, safety, autonomy, and reality. Tactics like gaslighting, intermittent kindness followed by cruelty, isolation, threats, blame-shifting, and constant invalidation create deep confusion and self-doubt. Over time, this psychological manipulation kept me in a cycle of fear, hypervigilance, and trauma bonding, making it incredibly hard to recognize the abuse fully or leave. It is a slow, insidious process, and I am still trying to forgive myself for staying.

The abuse dysregulated my nervous system and mind, leading to Complex-PTSD. The chronic stress kept me in fight-flight-freeze-fawn mode, heightening anxiety, eroding trust in my own perceptions, and leaving me with profound self-doubt. That's why I stayed far longer than I ever wanted to—the mind games made leaving feel impossible, even as the harm accumulated. But slowly, through inner work, therapy, and reconnecting with my intuition, I began to see with clarity. I started trusting my inner voice again, honoring my worth, and choosing healing over fear. My commitment to heal and live in peace for myself and most especially my daughter became more important and stronger than the fear.

My counselor has validated my experiences and is guiding my recovery with trauma-informed protocols.

In my area, emotional and psychological abuse like this isn't recognized by courts or police without physical elements, which is maddening, so this has become a rather solo journey where my path forward is to move out.

I'm determined to model healthy love, self-respect, and strength for my daughter. I want her to know no one deserves mistreatment and that it's possible to rise, heal, and thrive. I'm focused on becoming the best version of myself—for her, and for me.

I work hard, but my income isn't enough for housing in this market. I'm on waitlists for assistance (and have about another year or so left on the waiting lists I got on), pursuing career training through a supportive agency, and building ways to increase my earnings.

Your support will help bridge the gap and create stability.

Funds will go toward:

Educational Training

Moving costs, first/last month's rent + security deposit

A reliable used car for safety and independence

Basic setup for our new home

Even a few dollars from many people creates real momentum! Sharing this fundraiser boosts visibility tremendously.

If you're local and have an affordable guest house, mother-in-law unit, or similar space we could rent, please reach out—I'd love to connect. Or if you are an employer willing to work with me and meet me where I am, please let me know. Very open to remote work!

Thank you for believing in me. Your support is helping me step fully into the peaceful, empowered life my daughter and I deserve.

With deep gratitude.

J.D. (anonymous for safety reasons)

Here is what some of my friends wanted to say:

"(name redacted) is my friend. I have seen firsthand his behavior. I have found him to be impolite; he interrupts conversations loudly and boldly. He has no respect for boundaries, lacks accountability and responsibility for his behavior, and plays the victim card." (KR)

"I have known (name redacted) for several years. What I know for sure is that she is courageous in every way: in speaking her truth to withstanding the unthinkable abuse she has been subject to, to being a mama bear when it comes to protecting and supporting her young daughter. She is stronger than she knows, rising again and again, like the phoenix from the fire. In my opinion, she deserves immense support to aid her in leaving an untenable, destructive marriage and in establishing a safe, loving home for herself and for her daughter.” (DG)

In the 7 years I’ve known (name redacted), I have found her to be a caring friend, a loving mother, and a tenacious spiritual warrior. I have heard her husband abruptly yelling (through the phone) over what should have been trivial matters. His tone is loud and jarring. (name redacted) has requested prayers and funds for me when I was in need, as I know she has for others. If you can pay it forward, I know it would be a huge blessing for her and her daughter.” (LH)

(Name redacted) has shared with me the treatment from her husband that she has endured for many years, and no one should have had to put up with being treated like that and having to walk on eggshells because of not knowing what will set him off. I have found (name redacted) to be genuine and honest, and I'm honored to have her as a friend and to be communicating with her. Please help support (name redacted) and her daughter so they can be able to leave and live a normal life free of stress, ridicule, and abuse.

(PL)