Mom and Dad's Care - only child needs help

Life can change in an instant. We’ve all heard the phrase, but its meaning is different for everyone. My life changed on May 10, 2021. I was visiting my parents in Florida for Mother’s Day when my mom fell while on a routine errand, breaking both arms and sustaining a brain injury. In that instant, I became the full-time caregiver for my dad, who has late-stage Alzheimer’s, as well as the coordinator of mom’s care. Since then, I’ve been in Florida taking care of dad and my folk’s affairs.

Except for a few weeks at home in August, mom has been in the hospital or rehab since she fell in May. In November, she transitioned from a rehab patient to a nursing home resident. She’s had multiple strokes, atrial fibrillation episodes and several more falls. Her physical and cognitive abilities continue to deteriorate. Her condition is precarious. She will not be coming home.

Dad’s illness is progressing quickly. His symptoms are textbook examples of where he is in the trajectory of the disease. Because they are so common, they also provide a frightening guide of what comes next. An episode last weekend was deeply unsettling for both of us. For me, it was another grim milestone in the advancement of his disease. For dad, it was a confusing, humiliating and shocking realization that something was terribly wrong. Luckily for him, he forgot about it within an hour.

Over the last eight months, I’ve learned many things about dementia, the state of health care and the consequences of not planning for the type of care that we’re all likely to need at some point. One of the more unpleasant things that I have learned is that my parents are broke. They have social security income but no savings, 401Ks or long-term care insurance. I’ve also determined that I am in over my head. As an only child based 750 miles away, I have been doing a reasonable job of keeping things together personally and for my parents - but this situation is quickly becoming unsustainable. My parents’ needs are exceeding my capabilities and financial resources.

I have identified an assisted living facility for dad in Ocala and am in the process of getting him admitted. I will be selling mom and dad’s house - their only asset - as soon as possible to pay for their care, but this will be a months-long process and can’t be done while dad is at home. I have been exploring options for financial assistance and think there are a couple of good possibilities for help. Unfortunately, any option will take months before aid is received, and some of the aid applications need to be made after dad has been admitted to a facility. Except there are no funds available to put him into the facility. Very much a chicken and egg situation.

I’m asking for help to place dad in the assisted living facility and cover my parent’s expenses until the house sells and the financial aid comes through. Many people have offered help, and now I am asking for it. Everything helps and is deeply appreciated.