Donation protected
Here’s the brutal truth. I desperately need help. I feel ashamed for having to resort to a public plea, but my circumstances are much scarier and more painful than my wounded pride.
Four years ago, I made the choice to uproot my life, move across the country, and start what I’d hoped would be the next step in a positive journey towards something I’d wanted my entire life. I left a stable, comfortable, and stagnant life behind me, along with a job I’d outgrown.
I had wonderful friends and a fantastic support system, but every part of me felt like I was meant to venture elsewhere. I wanted more from life, and more for myself – and I knew exactly what that looked like. I realize now that I was taking a leap of faith that I probably shouldn’t have taken. It’s painful to admit… Shouldn’t we always be willing to have faith and leap towards what we want? Ideally, yes. Realistically – not so much. Sometimes we need to recognize our own limitations and realize that the grass really isn't any greener.
I’m not exaggerating when I say that it has been one giant struggle after another since I left Albuquerque in 2012, and these struggles have only grown more intense as the years have passed. The thing I’d hoped to make happen for myself – the goal that caused me to make that first move 4 years ago – didn’t happen. I was heartbroken, and following the heartbreak was the panic that came with my new reality. In other words, “What the hell am I supposed to do now?”
I’d be here for days if I gave you a play-by-play of the past few years. I’ve moved from New Mexico, to Maryland, to California, to Oregon. Since Maryland, these moves have mainly been out of desperation, in search of stable employment and a corner of the world where I could make ends meet again. I've stayed in uncomfortable, invasive living situations, and I’ve worked awful jobs with terrible wages because I’m unable to be picky. I’ve had more gaps in employment than I can count for various reasons, mainly due to re-location, temporary job assignments ending, and once, making the choice to leave a toxic employer who was causing more stress in my daily life than I was willing to tolerate.
Over these past few years I’ve supplemented my losses in income by charging groceries, gas, and other daily expenses to my credit card – a credit card that is now maxed out and about 6 payments past due. I have a student loan from a private lender that defaulted after 3 months of late payments, I’m behind on my Federal student loans, and I average about 8-10 calls from debt collectors each day.
I’m ashamed, I’m exhausted, I'm terrified, and I feel like a failure. I need a break from the stress the past few years have brought me – and I can’t have that without some help. Every solution requires more money, whether it’s a bankruptcy lawyer, registering with American Consumer Credit Relief Services, or moving to a place where I can live rent-free for a while.
An old friend has offered me and Hippo (my pooch) a safe place to land in her city. As appealing as the offer sounds, it would involve yet another cross-country move, and I’m out of resources to make that happen. I’m not deciding anything while my mind and emotions are so broken and raw; but no matter what I decide, I am going to need help getting there.
I know that it’s no one’s job to take care of me – it’s why I’ve always prided myself on working hard, paying my own way, and being one tough, independent woman. Right now though, in this moment, I am unable to take care of myself. I need your help. I don’t know if I’m worthy of being rescued by the generosity of others, but I’m praying that this is a leap of faith I’m rewarded for taking.
Should you choose to grant me your invaluable help, please know that your generosity will be be treated with the utmost care and consideration. You will be helping to life me up, when I've fallen short of carrying such heavy burdens on my own two shoulders. Your gifts will be cherished and used wisely, I promise.
We all need help sometimes, and this is my honest plea.
All my love and gratitude,
Molly
Four years ago, I made the choice to uproot my life, move across the country, and start what I’d hoped would be the next step in a positive journey towards something I’d wanted my entire life. I left a stable, comfortable, and stagnant life behind me, along with a job I’d outgrown.
I had wonderful friends and a fantastic support system, but every part of me felt like I was meant to venture elsewhere. I wanted more from life, and more for myself – and I knew exactly what that looked like. I realize now that I was taking a leap of faith that I probably shouldn’t have taken. It’s painful to admit… Shouldn’t we always be willing to have faith and leap towards what we want? Ideally, yes. Realistically – not so much. Sometimes we need to recognize our own limitations and realize that the grass really isn't any greener.
I’m not exaggerating when I say that it has been one giant struggle after another since I left Albuquerque in 2012, and these struggles have only grown more intense as the years have passed. The thing I’d hoped to make happen for myself – the goal that caused me to make that first move 4 years ago – didn’t happen. I was heartbroken, and following the heartbreak was the panic that came with my new reality. In other words, “What the hell am I supposed to do now?”
I’d be here for days if I gave you a play-by-play of the past few years. I’ve moved from New Mexico, to Maryland, to California, to Oregon. Since Maryland, these moves have mainly been out of desperation, in search of stable employment and a corner of the world where I could make ends meet again. I've stayed in uncomfortable, invasive living situations, and I’ve worked awful jobs with terrible wages because I’m unable to be picky. I’ve had more gaps in employment than I can count for various reasons, mainly due to re-location, temporary job assignments ending, and once, making the choice to leave a toxic employer who was causing more stress in my daily life than I was willing to tolerate.
Over these past few years I’ve supplemented my losses in income by charging groceries, gas, and other daily expenses to my credit card – a credit card that is now maxed out and about 6 payments past due. I have a student loan from a private lender that defaulted after 3 months of late payments, I’m behind on my Federal student loans, and I average about 8-10 calls from debt collectors each day.
I’m ashamed, I’m exhausted, I'm terrified, and I feel like a failure. I need a break from the stress the past few years have brought me – and I can’t have that without some help. Every solution requires more money, whether it’s a bankruptcy lawyer, registering with American Consumer Credit Relief Services, or moving to a place where I can live rent-free for a while.
An old friend has offered me and Hippo (my pooch) a safe place to land in her city. As appealing as the offer sounds, it would involve yet another cross-country move, and I’m out of resources to make that happen. I’m not deciding anything while my mind and emotions are so broken and raw; but no matter what I decide, I am going to need help getting there.
I know that it’s no one’s job to take care of me – it’s why I’ve always prided myself on working hard, paying my own way, and being one tough, independent woman. Right now though, in this moment, I am unable to take care of myself. I need your help. I don’t know if I’m worthy of being rescued by the generosity of others, but I’m praying that this is a leap of faith I’m rewarded for taking.
Should you choose to grant me your invaluable help, please know that your generosity will be be treated with the utmost care and consideration. You will be helping to life me up, when I've fallen short of carrying such heavy burdens on my own two shoulders. Your gifts will be cherished and used wisely, I promise.
We all need help sometimes, and this is my honest plea.
All my love and gratitude,
Molly
Organizer
Molly McGowan
Organizer
Portland, OR