Today, I took my courage to open up my most vulnerable side on the internet with Mocha's story. If you found us here, please spare us a bit of your time. Even if you can't make a donation, reading our story and allowing Mocha to be in your mind briefly is already meaningful for me.

My kitty Mocha just got diagnosed with cancer.

She is a cat, but also my daughter, the purest being in my universe who connects so deep to my soul, and saved my life multiple time with her unconditional love, when I didn't even love myself.

‐

It was like destiny when she appeared in my life.

12 years ago, I experienced severe depression for the first time. My only friend moved to Japan soon after, and I was completely alone. I had planned to adopt a cat from the SPCA, but then was harassed by a guy who worked there. I became too scared to check out the shelters, so that plan failed.

Then one day, the contractor who worked for my friend's parents found this little kitten on the street, all alone too. He gave this kitty to my friend's parents, who handed her over to me.

Her fur was dark but not pure black, with some brown, yellow and some white. Like a mochaccino! Not straight dark like espresso but with chocolate and milk.

So I named her Mocha.

She was so small and fragile!

At first, I thought she's an ugly cat because she had grey eyes, flat face, tiny ears and tail, more like a little bear than a cat!

Due to depression, I was spending most of my day laying in bed, staring at the ceiling and hoping it would collapse on me to end it all. But with her arrival, I suddenly have a little flat face bear to take care of.

I had to get up to bottle feed her every 4hours, and use wet towel to rub her butt to help her poop, like how a mom cat raises kittens.

Everyday, she became the reason for me to drag myself out of bed.

So I hanged in there to take care of her.

Then one day,

I realized emotions came back to me.

I felt so proud and happy seeing her trying to eat dry food for the first time;

I felt funny to see her following me everywhere, even when I made 50 round trips between bedroom and living room just to test how long she will follow;

I felt love when she was purring and starring at me with her now golden eyes.

And one day, I realized little flat faced bear grew into the most gorgeous cat in my universe.

Like the lyrics sings:

"I was lost in the darkness but I found her"

-- we found each other, and so we both survived.

-

Then my life went on, with some extreme highs and lows.

I found true friendships; cut off toxic families; moved country for studies; found myself in a worse depression after a painful breakup during COVID isolation; got diagnosed with adhd; quit one job and started another; then healed, settled, and met my current partner...

In my worst time when I wished to end it all, I learned that cats who are deeply connected with their human could go into depression too if their human dies. Imagining putting that much pain onto Mocha terrified me even more than death.

I would rather suffer in the living hell of depression than letting her experience it too. So I hanged in there again.

Life has been hard, but she was there every step with me, always following me everywhere like when she was a baby.

She greets me everyday at the door, sleeps with me on my pillow at night, wakes up the same time as I do and never disturbed my sleep.

She would come check me when I kicked my toe and scream in pain;

Stay by me when I take a bath so I "don't drown";

Rubs her head on me and knead the dough by me when I cry to comfort me.

She saved me more times than she would ever know.

-

Of course, I always knew one day she will pass before me.

And I knew it would be the worst pain I will ever experience, even though I've experienced so much already.

It's like in the movie Arrival, when the mom chose to give birth to her daughter even though she knew the daughter would die young.

Loving a pet so deeply as a child is like having a child that you know wont survive long.

But still, I would chose her again, every time.

I would give everything for her to be able to stay with me as long as possible. I would give her 10 years of my own life if I could.

-

She has always been a strong kitty.

She fought through multiple big surgeries in the past 12 years, but still eats and plays like a kitten, and always recovers super fast.

But this time, it's cancer.

Mammary cancer is the deadliest cancer in cats, that it can spread rapidly.

I've researched and tried my best to arrange treatments but the process here is just so slow. It took almost 2 weeks for the biopsy result to confirm cancer, and the oncologist appointment is in another 2 weeks.

Only after the oncologist appointment we would know the exact plan for treatment. In general the whole process would include initial staging (X-ray, blood work), oncologist accessment for advanced staging (CT scan, ultrasound, and whatever tests needed then), bilateral mastectomy and chemotherapy if the spread hasn't affect the lung yet, plus any medication.

The best scenario is that the cancer is very early stage, and we could get her cancer free for 2-5 more years with careful treatment. Worst scenario is a few months.

-

Mocha has always been in my life plans. I've always wanted to have her meet and grow up to see my future child. I've prayed for her to live a long healthy life and die peacefully from old age.

God knows how much I would give up for this to come true!

But no matter how much or little time I could buy, I will do whatever I can for her.

Because she saved my life many times, and it's time for me to save hers.

Because "I would never found love again until I found her".

Because she is my daughter.

-

I started this campaign as I foresee the overwhelming cost ahead with so many procedures. Right before her diagnosis, I also had to treat my other cat for IBD with multiple vet visits. As a result, my cash has mostly be drained for weekly vet visits for the past month.

But another reason, if not the more important one, is that I want to share the story of me and Mocha to all with you.

I want to tell the world how important she is to me.

And hopefully, the story touches some of you.

So that Mocha could take a little space in your heart;

So that somewhere in the world, some people would remember:

There is a person called Lichi, who has a kitty daughter called Mocha, and she loves her very very much.

No matter what you believe in, please pray for us; please keep Mocha in your thought, send her your prayers, your hope, and your kindness.

That alone means more than you know.

Thank you,

--Mocha's mama: Lichi