I need to preface all of this by saying I did not want to write this. Asking for help runs deeply against my nature, because all I want to do is help other people. But there comes a point where you really have no other choice, and frankly I hit that point several weeks ago before the most recent crisis even took place. But all I can do it put this out there and hope someone cares enough to help. Because I honestly don't know what else I have left.

Who we are:

For those of you that I only know me from online, my real name is Mike. I do in-home behavioral health for kids with autism. It's not the easiest job sometimes, but I truly love what I do because I get to help, teach, and advocate for kids that most of society overlooks. My fiancee's name is Jen and she's a part-time pharmacy tech at a retail pharmacy chain. The reason she's part time and the reason we're not married are basically the same: the US healthcare system. Jen has multiple chronic illnesses we are trying to manage and basically the only way we can get any quality of life for her is to have her on Medicaid. Even with that, there's a fair number of medications and services that aren't covered. But it at least gives us some kind of a chance, however difficult it is. I have my own medical issues, which I expand on below, but suffice to say I manage as best I can with the coverage I can afford. It's a challenge at the best of times, and recently has not been the best of times.

What happened to get us to this point:

It has been a series of personal catastrophes that have piled up to the point I just don't know what to do anymore.

The first took place in April. Jen was driving home after work and was rear-ended at a yield sign by a driver who claimed he "never even saw her". How you don't see someone stopped at the yield sign in front of you I don't understand but I guess it doesn't matter at this point. In the past few years, we decided for financial reasons to only have one vehicle for the two of us. It's been a logistical nightmare to be honest, but we've done our best to make it work. Unfortunately, at that moment we went from one car to none. I was only able to go to the site of the accident by getting a ride from a friend who lives a county away. We got the car towed and I was able to borrow a car until Monday when I could get a rental on my insurance. To make a long story short, the first auto-body place I tried couldn't even help and the 2nd gave me an estimate that was very painful financially. Then Geico said the car was totaled because the price to repair it was too high compared to the value of the car. Keep in mind this was a vehicle we bent over backwards to keep in immaculate mechanical condition, but apparently that counts for nothing to the insurance company. Also, fun fact, when the insurance says your car is totaled, they also cut off your rental coverage at that point. I was able to negotiate a couple more days, but that was only a drop in the bucket compared to the time I would wind up needing to find a viable vehicle. The amount the insurance was willing to pay us for the car was somewhere between laughable and insulting, but any attempt to negotiate that was utterly futile. I wound up taking the amount they offered simply because otherwise I was hemorrhaging money trying to find ways to get to and from work for myself and Jen. Suffice to say, getting a new vehicle was a 3 month project that required me to drive 3 hours into another state just to find something reliable and I had to rely heavily on financial assistance from my retired parents. I still feel deeply guilty about asking them for help, even though I know they don't blame me for any of this.

Our second disaster started as a health warning about fires up in Canada. As my friends are well aware, I am very asthmatic and suffer from chronic migraines. Multiple days of barely breathable air resulted in me getting very sick, despite my best attempts to power through it. I developed a crippling persistent chest congestion that hampered my ability to speak clearly. I also couldn't sleep well, so that resulted in migraines on top of my other suffering. For the end of July and most of August, the only things I could do was sleep and attempt to work. And I say "attempt" because I failed more than I succeeded. Before all was said and done, I needed to see multiple doctors and a collection of costly medications. My health insurance covered some of it, but I've still got medical bills hanging over my head. I can't even talk about most of it because it all feels like a humiliating failure on my part, even if I intellectually know better.

The final blow came this past Sunday, and it was an utterly brutal one. I was dozing on the couch fighting off a migraine when I got cell phone call from Jen hyperventilating. It took a few minutes to get a picture of what was going on, but it was deeply upsetting. Jen had been driving home from work. As she was going under an overpass, a driver coming from the opposite direction was speeding and came over the center line. Jen did her best to avoid a collision but there was just no room to manuver between the oncoming car and the concrete walls to either side. By some miracle, Jen managed to avoid a head-on collision but the other car clipped the side of the our car by the rear driver side door. The impact ripped the rear bumper clean off our car and put Jen into a spin. She was hit in the head by the plastic trim when the side airbag deployed but she was able to prevent the car from impacting anything else. Some witnesses were able to help her until the police and amubulance arrived, but at the time I didn't have any clear idea what her injuries were. Since we don't have another car, I called a friend to come help me but he needed a while to get down to our area. I wound up throwing my shoes on and attempting to run the 2 and a half miles to the accident site. I was too late to get there before everyone was leaving, but I did manage to flag down a police officier as he was leaving the scene. He was able to give me some details and what hospital Jen was being taken to by ambulance. He wasn't able to take me there due to other things going on, but he said he would tell Jen I would be there ASAP. I made my way the 2 miles back to our apartment at the best speed I could manage and had a couple minutes to drink some water before my friend arrived. He drove me to the hospital and I was able to see Jen in the ER. She had some pain in her head, shoulder, and neck, so they were holding her for further scans and she couldn't eat in case she had to go in for surgery. After speaking to her for 15 minutes, we agreed I would get a ride up to my parents to borrow my brother's car then drive back to the hospital. Neither of us really liked the idea but we do what we have to do. After an hour and a half to get to my parents' house, get my brother's car, and get back to the hospital, Jen was still in the ER. They had cleared her to eat something so she could take her pills but she was still very shaken up. We wound up staying till around midnight and were both exhausted by the time we got home.

Where we stand:

The current assessment of things is pretty bleak. Our finances that were basically destroyed before this happened have only gotten worse. We have no car, because the car we spent so much time and energy getting is totaled. I'm currently driving a borrowed car that's over 25 years old and praying nothing else happens to it. I can't ask my retired parents for more help. God only knows what the insurance will offer for the car but I have a terrible feeling it's going to be another gut punch. I'm dragging myself to and from work because I have no other choice, but it's just not enough. Nothing I do is enough. And the only thing keeping me from just sinking into despair is the fact it's not just me who will suffer. I'm hanging on to that by my fingernails and just trying to keep it together.

What I'm trying to do:

To put it bluntly, creating this fund is an act of desperation. I can't in good conscience ask my family for any more help than they've already given. I have no idea what the outcome of the insurance is going to be or what I'm going to do for a vehicle. I'm not even sure how I'm going to pay the rent this month at this exact moment. I've asked some friends to do what they can but I don't know if that's going to pan out. So after a few days of soul searching and trying not to break down sobbing, this is where I've come. Maybe someone will help. Maybe a couple someones. Maybe I'll get incredibly lucky and somehow we'll get enough to help buy a reliable vehicle when combined with whatever the insurance eventually decides to give us. Maybe I'll even get enough to get the medical bills off my back and possibly get the new glasses I haven't been able to afford this year so I stop getting so many migraines. I don't know what to hope for because I honestly can't remember what hope feels like.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, whoever you are. I'm grateful for any generosity, including the generosity of your time.