Hello, my name is Michael. If I’d met you a few years ago I would have described myself as happy, hardworking and doing well. I had three beautiful daughters, a successful career and great friends. I felt blessed. Perhaps that’s why I loved helping other people. If I could give someone an opportunity or an experience they couldn’t create for themselves, it made me happy. If I could provide answers or help to someone, I was happy. I enjoyed my work, I enjoyed family time. You could say I had a good life.

How did someone in that happy position become someone who no longer wanted to be alive?

Well, my life circumstances changed in ways I found hard to cope with.

Even now I can’t explain why it hit me so hard. I just know that the change in my life left me feeling helpless and hopeless. I turned to drugs and alcohol, which, of course, just made things worse.

As someone who was always good at everything and always had energy left over to help everyone else, I found it almost impossible to accept that now I was the one who needed help. I tried everything I could think of, but the anxiety-fuelled panic attacks kept coming. Occasionally I tried to talk to someone but nobody knew what to say or how to help. Over time, my attitude alienated most of my family and friends. Looking back, I can see how hard it was for them, mainly because I couldn’t accept that I needed professional help and most of the time I pretended I didn’t.

My doctor wanted to sign me off work. You might think that would be helpful, but in fact work was my one solace – it kept my mind occupied - and without it I felt even more hopeless, so I kept going. Most of the people I interacted with on a daily basis had no idea how much I was struggling. I would hide my anguish and get on with my job. I sometimes wonder how many other people are doing the same thing – bottling up their feelings and trying to soldier on.

I attempted to take my own life. More than once.

I spent time in hospital and I spent time in therapy. Some days I would wake up feeling cowardly and ashamed of myself. I felt selfish for attempting suicide when I have three children who need their Dad. What happened to the person I used to be? I was always so caring, kind, hardworking and thoughtful. What happened to that man?

I knew I needed professional help but I still found it hard to accept. Even with professional help, I would sabotage my progress by ducking out of treatment as soon as I saw some small improvements. Soon I would be back in a dark place, feeling helpless and hopeless, relying on drugs and alcohol to numb my feelings.

I’m not that man anymore.

What changed?

I watched a TV documentary. Not just any documentary. This was the powerful story of Tyson Fury. I watched the story of his struggles and his journey from hero to zero AND BACK AGAIN and I felt something connect. ‘He may be the heavyweight champion of the world’, I told myself, ‘but he is only human. If he can turn his life around and climb out of the hole then so can I’.

And so that’s what I’m doing.

To celebrate finding my way back to myself and to raise awareness of the very real problem of men like me who don’t know how to deal with mental health problems, I’ve taken on the White-Collar Boxing Challenge.

The training regime is brutal, but having made the commitment, I already feel ten times better and I have a sense of purpose. I’m back to wanting to help other people, specifically, people who are going through what I’ve been through.

It’s not easy, telling my story. I still feel a bit ashamed of letting myself get so low, but I know that by sharing my experience, I might encourage someone else to get the help they need. I might encourage someone else to tell their story too. I hope so.

Mental health problems can affect anyone. They are not a sign of weakness or laziness or any of the other things I used to tell myself when I didn’t want to get out of bed. Mental health issues need professional treatment like any other kind of health issues. That help is available and it makes a difference.

What is really clear to me now, is that you never know what other people are suffering. You can’t always tell when someone is desperately unhappy because most people – especially men – bottle up their feelings and pretend everything is ok. I know how important it is for us all to be kind to each other.

By putting myself in the boxing ring, I’m raising money for Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) charity.

Your donation can help them to raise awareness of the kind of problems I experienced and, more importantly, can enable more people to get the help they need. When someone close to you has mental health problems, it can be hard to accept that you can’t help them. This is your opportunity to give money to the people who can.

Now that I’ve decided to live a happy life again, I am determined to make a difference. Your donation means the world to me. Thank you.