Michael Martin's Healing Journey
Donation protected
I met Michael in Gainesville 20 years ago. He is one of those people that you want to keep in your pocket and carry with you always. He is sunshine. He is Sunday morning. Sweet, talented, humble, bright, and funny. Someone that is too good to have anything bad happen to. But something did happen.
I never asked him why he drank, but I could plainly see the pain and anger come to the surface too many times over the years to count. Fighting and self-destruction just seemed to be who he was, but I found out recently that they were symptoms of something bigger and worse that would give him no peace. Six months ago, Michael finally decided to face his past and begin therapy. Shortly after he began the process of therapy he also celebrated 10 years of sobriety. With the help of his therapist and the support of his family and friends, he has chosen to take back his story and his life by sharing it with the world. However, meeting a trauma of this magnitude head-on and expecting to be able to carry out a normal life in the process is proving to be difficult beyond measure. In order for Michael to come out the other side of this as healthier person and a better husband and father, he needs an opportunity to work through the pain of his past in a place outside of his everyday life.
I believe nature heals, I believe there are things you can learn about yourself wandering the woods that you will never learn on a therapist's couch. Please help my friend Michael to go on his healing journey, I can't think of a more deserving soul.
Here is his story:
Beginning at the age of five and continuing through seven years old Michael was repeatedly raped by a male relative. When he moved from New Jersey to Florida just shy of eight years old, he came as a very confused and angry child carrying around a very heavy and dark secret. Being bright and angry proved to be a bad fit within the public-school system in Florida during the eighties. He was not challenged and because of his anger, acted out in school. Corporal punishment was alive and well in that decade, and he was beaten with a wooden paddle over and over, for many years of his childhood, by the very people meant to educate and watch over him. The more he was hit, the angrier, more betrayed, and jaded he became. Luckily, he could find solace in a variety of sports to help channel some of his emotions, and eventually found skateboarding which was to become his lifelong passion. Skateboarding could bring him some joy and satisfaction, but not dim the memories and pain that were with him daily. Alcohol was something that could numb him and it was a pretty quick jump into a full-fledged, drink himself to death, relationship with alcohol. For fifteen years, he was committed to alcohol, fighting, and occasionally skating as a poor means to cope with his pain.
In 2004 he met his future wife Mohini and could see some hope for a real future, even more so when he found out he was going to become a father. 2006 was a huge turning point in Michael’s life. In the same year, he gave up alcohol forever and his son Ezra was born. He threw himself into trying to live a normal life and built a successful carpentry business from the ground up, strictly by word of mouth. But, as the years went by, it became apparent that no amount of love for his family or work was going to heal him if couldn’t escape the memories and pain that were with him every day. Anxiety had always been a constant part of his existence, but depression would start to cycle into his life more and more often. His mental and physical health began to suffer in the last three years until it was, more often than not, that he could not get himself out the door to a jobsite.
Seeing a therapist was something that he and Mohini talked about often, but getting up the courage to face the terror that has ruled and nearly ruined his whole life felt almost impossible. It took many years to take the leap, but when he met with his therapist for the first time in July of 2016 and was soon after diagnosed with Complex PTSD, his path towards mental and emotional wellbeing began to reveal itself. He’s accomplished a lot in the last six months of therapy and is fully committed to the process. With much thought and support from his therapist and closest family members he decided the progression of his healing would be infinitely helped by a journey. Something that would challenge him physically (which he thrives on) and allow him to find his center, reclaim his independence from the abuse, and possibly to truly know himself for the first time. Like the ten-year anniversary of sobriety, completing a thru hike of the Appalachian Trail will serve as a monumental marker in his life. He is under no illusion that this hike will obliterate the pain of his past, but will clearly mark the beginning of a new and better chapter in which his pain will eventually no longer define him.
When Michael’s depression began affecting his daily life on a regular basis in 2013 his finances were humble, but stable. He worked hard and had been able to put money into savings toward building a house for his family. As the months turned into years and he found himself less and less able to cope with running his business, his health also began to suffer. Between 2013 and 2016 every penny from his family’s savings account was used to supplement their decreasing income and pay for medical bills. Michael is profoundly uncomfortable to be in a position in which he has to ask for help; But knows that this part of his therapy is completely necessary to save his life from the damages of the abuse. He wants to be a whole person for himself, but even more so for his family, to whom he is completely devoted.
It isn’t easy to put an exact price on something like a 2,200 mile, six month thru-hike because there are so many variables and unexpected expenses that can occur. Michael can only go by his research on the average of what it has cost others to complete the same hike. Below is a projected breakdown of expenses that he anticipates will cover the thru hike:
Gear: $2500
Trail food: $1500
Zero Days: $1100*
Town Food: $500
Travel: $1000**
Unexpected expenses: $1000
24 therapy sessions: $2400
Go Fund Me Fees: $2000
Lost wages: $13000***
*Zero days are rest days that include staying in a hotel, showering, and phone therapy sessions.
** This includes getting Michael to and from the trail, and arranging for his wife and son to meet him for a visit on the trail in North Carolina.
***this will account for the minimum amount of lost wages that Michael’s family could get by on without his wife having to take on a second job during the six-month hike.
Michael is beyond grateful that crowdfunding exists, but very consciously does not want to ask for more than he needs to complete his intended goal. If he can fund his hike and has anything left over at the end, he will donate the balance to the Guardian Ad Litem foundation in Gainesville Florida, which acts as an advocate for children in his area, who are abused and neglected, and gives them normalizing opportunities outside of state funding.
Click on the link for more information on the Guardian Ad Litem foundation: http://www.gal.alachua.fl.us/
There is a small window of time in the spring to begin the northbound thru-hike of the Appalachian Trail and Michael would like to start at the beginning of March. The Go Fund Me will remain open through the duration of the hike so that we can post photos and updates along his route.
Any donations will be accepted with humble thanks from Michael’s family. This opportunity means so much for the future of his family. The success of these campaigns is often determined by how far they are spread on social media, so if you are not able or willing to donate please consider sharing.
Telling his story in a public forum is important to Michael, not just for his own healing, but to contribute in even the most minute way to help remove any stigma that may still exist about speaking openly about childhood sexual abuse. Statistically, 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will experience sexual abuse before the age of 18. This data is collected only from reported cases and could potentially increase if all cases were reported.
1. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2005). Adverse Childhood Experiences Study: Data and Statistics. Atlanta, GA: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Center for Injury Prevention and Control. Retrieved January 12, 2009 from: http://www.cdc.gov/nccdphp/ace/prevalence.htm
I never asked him why he drank, but I could plainly see the pain and anger come to the surface too many times over the years to count. Fighting and self-destruction just seemed to be who he was, but I found out recently that they were symptoms of something bigger and worse that would give him no peace. Six months ago, Michael finally decided to face his past and begin therapy. Shortly after he began the process of therapy he also celebrated 10 years of sobriety. With the help of his therapist and the support of his family and friends, he has chosen to take back his story and his life by sharing it with the world. However, meeting a trauma of this magnitude head-on and expecting to be able to carry out a normal life in the process is proving to be difficult beyond measure. In order for Michael to come out the other side of this as healthier person and a better husband and father, he needs an opportunity to work through the pain of his past in a place outside of his everyday life.
I believe nature heals, I believe there are things you can learn about yourself wandering the woods that you will never learn on a therapist's couch. Please help my friend Michael to go on his healing journey, I can't think of a more deserving soul.
Here is his story:
Beginning at the age of five and continuing through seven years old Michael was repeatedly raped by a male relative. When he moved from New Jersey to Florida just shy of eight years old, he came as a very confused and angry child carrying around a very heavy and dark secret. Being bright and angry proved to be a bad fit within the public-school system in Florida during the eighties. He was not challenged and because of his anger, acted out in school. Corporal punishment was alive and well in that decade, and he was beaten with a wooden paddle over and over, for many years of his childhood, by the very people meant to educate and watch over him. The more he was hit, the angrier, more betrayed, and jaded he became. Luckily, he could find solace in a variety of sports to help channel some of his emotions, and eventually found skateboarding which was to become his lifelong passion. Skateboarding could bring him some joy and satisfaction, but not dim the memories and pain that were with him daily. Alcohol was something that could numb him and it was a pretty quick jump into a full-fledged, drink himself to death, relationship with alcohol. For fifteen years, he was committed to alcohol, fighting, and occasionally skating as a poor means to cope with his pain.
In 2004 he met his future wife Mohini and could see some hope for a real future, even more so when he found out he was going to become a father. 2006 was a huge turning point in Michael’s life. In the same year, he gave up alcohol forever and his son Ezra was born. He threw himself into trying to live a normal life and built a successful carpentry business from the ground up, strictly by word of mouth. But, as the years went by, it became apparent that no amount of love for his family or work was going to heal him if couldn’t escape the memories and pain that were with him every day. Anxiety had always been a constant part of his existence, but depression would start to cycle into his life more and more often. His mental and physical health began to suffer in the last three years until it was, more often than not, that he could not get himself out the door to a jobsite.
Seeing a therapist was something that he and Mohini talked about often, but getting up the courage to face the terror that has ruled and nearly ruined his whole life felt almost impossible. It took many years to take the leap, but when he met with his therapist for the first time in July of 2016 and was soon after diagnosed with Complex PTSD, his path towards mental and emotional wellbeing began to reveal itself. He’s accomplished a lot in the last six months of therapy and is fully committed to the process. With much thought and support from his therapist and closest family members he decided the progression of his healing would be infinitely helped by a journey. Something that would challenge him physically (which he thrives on) and allow him to find his center, reclaim his independence from the abuse, and possibly to truly know himself for the first time. Like the ten-year anniversary of sobriety, completing a thru hike of the Appalachian Trail will serve as a monumental marker in his life. He is under no illusion that this hike will obliterate the pain of his past, but will clearly mark the beginning of a new and better chapter in which his pain will eventually no longer define him.
When Michael’s depression began affecting his daily life on a regular basis in 2013 his finances were humble, but stable. He worked hard and had been able to put money into savings toward building a house for his family. As the months turned into years and he found himself less and less able to cope with running his business, his health also began to suffer. Between 2013 and 2016 every penny from his family’s savings account was used to supplement their decreasing income and pay for medical bills. Michael is profoundly uncomfortable to be in a position in which he has to ask for help; But knows that this part of his therapy is completely necessary to save his life from the damages of the abuse. He wants to be a whole person for himself, but even more so for his family, to whom he is completely devoted.
It isn’t easy to put an exact price on something like a 2,200 mile, six month thru-hike because there are so many variables and unexpected expenses that can occur. Michael can only go by his research on the average of what it has cost others to complete the same hike. Below is a projected breakdown of expenses that he anticipates will cover the thru hike:
Gear: $2500
Trail food: $1500
Zero Days: $1100*
Town Food: $500
Travel: $1000**
Unexpected expenses: $1000
24 therapy sessions: $2400
Go Fund Me Fees: $2000
Lost wages: $13000***
*Zero days are rest days that include staying in a hotel, showering, and phone therapy sessions.
** This includes getting Michael to and from the trail, and arranging for his wife and son to meet him for a visit on the trail in North Carolina.
***this will account for the minimum amount of lost wages that Michael’s family could get by on without his wife having to take on a second job during the six-month hike.
Michael is beyond grateful that crowdfunding exists, but very consciously does not want to ask for more than he needs to complete his intended goal. If he can fund his hike and has anything left over at the end, he will donate the balance to the Guardian Ad Litem foundation in Gainesville Florida, which acts as an advocate for children in his area, who are abused and neglected, and gives them normalizing opportunities outside of state funding.
Click on the link for more information on the Guardian Ad Litem foundation: http://www.gal.alachua.fl.us/
There is a small window of time in the spring to begin the northbound thru-hike of the Appalachian Trail and Michael would like to start at the beginning of March. The Go Fund Me will remain open through the duration of the hike so that we can post photos and updates along his route.
Any donations will be accepted with humble thanks from Michael’s family. This opportunity means so much for the future of his family. The success of these campaigns is often determined by how far they are spread on social media, so if you are not able or willing to donate please consider sharing.
Telling his story in a public forum is important to Michael, not just for his own healing, but to contribute in even the most minute way to help remove any stigma that may still exist about speaking openly about childhood sexual abuse. Statistically, 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will experience sexual abuse before the age of 18. This data is collected only from reported cases and could potentially increase if all cases were reported.
1. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2005). Adverse Childhood Experiences Study: Data and Statistics. Atlanta, GA: Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Center for Injury Prevention and Control. Retrieved January 12, 2009 from: http://www.cdc.gov/nccdphp/ace/prevalence.htm
Organizer and beneficiary
Britt Amann Knoth
Organizer
West Palm Beach, FL
Mohini Krueger
Beneficiary