Mental Health,Grief & Suicide

Hi, my name is Jazmin Allende, just about everyone that knows me knows that I lost my 10 year old Asher Singleton on December 16th, 2021 to suicide. While that might seem like a long time ago for many, it feels like it was yesterday for me. My Asher was a happy, loving, and caring boy who had his whole life ahead of him. I do have more children but I find it difficult to connect with them. I’m terrified of getting on to them, I fear the worst.

As a mother I have not been able to process my grief in a health way. I feel sadness, emptiness, and I’m shattered. I have so much self hatred and anger that at times it seems impossible to keep on going. I go through my ups and downs but lately it has been a downhill.

On Thursday August 24 in my desperate attempt to be with my Asher I attempted suicide. In my mind I knew that my pain would end and that my emptiness would be gone. Realizing that I could not cause that kind of pain to my children or family I drove myself to our local emergency room. Soon I went into acute respiratory distress and was intubated. I spent the next 6 days in ICU, with my family by my side. I was numb and did not know how to feel. I knew I needed help! After a psychiatric evaluation, my doctors decided that I need inpatient mental health therapy.

On my day of discharge from the hospital I was sent to an inpatient psychiatric facility for crisis management. I stayed there for the next 7 days. I spoke with a therapist daily and attended group sessions with other patient going through crisis management.

I was released and am now at home. I still feel this emptiness and sadness, I am still broken. I will be taking time off of work to work on my mental health and my connection with my family and friends.