NOW FIRE RECOVERY Medical Bills and Debt Relief

11/4/23 UPDATE:

It is about six weeks since the fire and we have been through a LOT. For the first four weeks we stayed with someone who was very gracious in letting myself and all three pets (our puppy is 80lbs and a lot of unpredictable dog!) stay for the first four weeks in his tiny Raleigh apartment. However, there was no room for my 13-year-old son and so for that time I hardly saw him. During this time I worked on removing our things, cleaning what was salvageable and putting that into storage in our garage, and removing what was not able to be saved.

The tight living quarters and invasive presence of the animals weighed a lot on the living circumstances, which were intended to be only until we could find somewhere else to be. This created a tense pressure to find somewhere - anywhere - to go. We had terrible luck finding alternative housing this entire time, meanwhile people started breaking into the garage and house back in Durham…I guess they noticed the fire damage and the absence of residents (stressssssful…) Finally, a friend of a friend on Instagram got us into their Airbnb house in Raleigh, but only had availability for 3 weeks (October 24-November 16) Whatever! We’ll take it… while grateful for the place to be, it ended up costing us just under $3K for that period of time. We have been facing insurmountable costs in addition to this in replacing things that have been ruined. The good news is that our landlord’s insurance company and the restoration company have been pretty fast moving, and we are predicted to be back home by Thanksgiving. We may not have a kitchen for quite some time, but at least we will have a home!

My mental and emotional health has felt fragile this entire time, and every day has me walking on edge. I apologize to any friends who I have not been great at keeping up with, I’ve been pretty stressed and stretched trying to recoup things when not working my regular job.

Thank you all for donating. It means so much that so many people are helping. Many of you I haven’t seen or spoken to in years and years, and I’m just overwhelmed with gratitude and the magic power of mutual aid.

Please make sure anyone you know who rents buys renter’s insurance. What felt like something we couldn’t afford would have made this situation so, so different. Or at least more manageable and less desperate.

Please know that the goal of having some money in savings when this is all over is so to build toward the original intent of this fundraiser (see below), so that our quality of life overall can improve for the long-term.

Meaning: you are all contributing to much longer-term aid than just the immediate fire recovery. The fire brought us back down to into the negative, but if we even have SOME money to save after we are back home, I can rest easier than I have in years.

so, thank you…

9/25/23 - UPDATE: At 5:30 this morning (9/25) our tiny rental house in Durham caught fire. We will displaced for the foreseeable and though we can return when the landlord is able to fix the damages, we have to now put ourselves somewhere, put our animals in temporary care, clean/replace everything we own, and the like. I will also be spending whatever spare time and resources over there daily to clear, deep clean, repaint, etc. 

I am tacking this on to the original GoFundMe I started to help us get out of a deep and sorrowful well because, as you might guess, this just plunged us in deeper. 

Please do not give if you already have, your generosity the first time was enough.

Sorry for the ever-mounting bad news. Love to you all. 

—- 

ORIGINAL POST:

Hi, all. At the urging of many, I am finally breaking down and asking for help in managing to cover my many medical bills that have accumulated over the years, in particular from 2018-2021 when I underwent a long diagnostic process and was ultimately treated for cervical cancer and subsequent complications.

I have avoided this for a number of reasons, not least of which is pride. Let me be clear: I do not feel there is anything shameful about asking for help, particularly for medical bills. My pride comes from years and years of struggling financially, and having had to ask for help from friends and family in multiple ways already, sometimes for something as simple as covering groceries for the month or paying a utility bill. Having been poor my entire adult life, I feel like asking for loans and handouts is just part of it, and it is an excruciating thing that gets harder every time.

With each new job I get, my pay grade goes a bit higher and I always think, “This is finally it, I’ll be able to make it on my own, start saving, get out of debt, etc.” And yet, we still live paycheck to paycheck, every two weeks running down to the last dime and waiting for the 15th or the 31st to get here so that we can put gas in the car, do a grocery run, or get to the movies even. I'm tired of saying no to things my son needs or having to decide between getting something we need for the house and paying a bill before the service gets cut. I’m tired of having friends pay for me to participate - in meals, trips, drinks, and outings (thank you all). Oof - I’m tired of buying a new outfit for work and feeling guilty about it, then having to sell it to Plato’s Closet or whatever just to get gas. Tired of selling our things (things we like and use!) on Facebook Marketplace because we have to! Etc etc

When people live paycheck to paycheck it is often because they cannot get a credit card to help them make ends meet so that they can afford to put little by little into savings. At 37 years old, I have never had a savings account. I have never had more than $4 left at the end of a paycheck. More often, my checking account is in in the negative every two weeks like clockwork. It doesn't seem to matter how much I put aside to try to save - I end up needing to use it for something almost immediately.

I don’t ask people for money except when we are desperate. Most of the time, I ask my parents. Sometimes I ask friends if I’ve asked my parents too much lately. The last time I took to social media to ask for financial help was last year during an unexpected move. Usually, when I crowdfund it’s for a fundraiser or a project. My job, ironically, is raising money as the Development Director for an organization that does wonderful work for hundreds of women each year (AriseCollective.org - shameless plug!) - and yet, even so, and even though my job pays well, the cost of living levels me. Paired with my debt payment plans, - which I am desperately trying to chip away at (in order to rise my credit score, so that I can get a credit card, so that I can start to build savings…etc) - I cannot find a way to make it work. I’ve done a budget every way I possibly can. A single adult income with no cushion is killing me. I am losing my nerves every two weeks. I come undone each time and get more and more unraveled.

And so, I am asking to help, hopefully for the last time. I am asking for any help at all. My hope is that raising this money will help me, not to pay off my medical bills directly, — goodness, those amount to about $180K - but to help in addressing some smaller-sum debts that could wipe them totally from my credit record, and also in making a cushion that we can live on and bank on, add to slowly, and to pull from during small emergencies that seem to inevitably come up (a surprise bill, and car issue etc) and get out of the paycheck to paycheck grip. Doing this will allow me to stay current on my credit and medical bills.

To anyone who donates, I will be sending you a breakdown of my budget and my month-to-month costs, which include paybacks on personal loans from the past (some of which I have not been able to begin chipping away at). I will also happily send updates on my progress in savings as well my progress on my credit score over time (this will obviously take time).

I have an appointment to join Self Help, a bank here in Durham that helps low-income and debt-affected households rebuild credit and address debt. This outreach here is my first step toward taking some control and hopefully improving our situation permanently.

I am scared about judgement, I will be honest, and am feeling great shame, but I am also touched just by knowing that some of you will understand me and will know my heart and where it is coming from. I believe in vulnerability, I think you all know that by now. I also believe in transparency, so I hope you will feel free to ask me for whatever you need to be assured that your donation is going to a good place.

I have included my medical bill journey (in summary only) below.

Thank you so much. I really mean it. Thank you, thank you.

Medical Bill Summary:

My medical bills extend well before this period in relation to Multiple Sclerosis. Until January 2020, I did not have medical insurance. I was insured in order to get my cancer treated from 2020 through June 2021, at which point I was unable to continue being insured. I remain uninsured today until November, when my new employer will help me to achieve this.

Insured Treatment included several small procedures followed by a radical trachelectomy (total removal of cervix and partial removal of vaginal canal), hospitalization, a subsequent infection (also with hospitalization), two rounds (seven sessions, weekly) of intracavital brachytherapy (internal radiation), and several subsequent biopsies including one lymph node removal procedure. Since, there have been many uncovered costs, including several follow-up routine doctor’s visits.