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me reach my transition goals

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My name is Gillian (sounds like a "J", but with a "G" like the actress). I am a transgender woman seeking help with costs associated with my transition to a better, authentic life. The video below explains a bit more about my goals. Below that is more personal information. Please give me just a couple minutes of your time:


HOW IT STARTED

My life changed on January 24th, 2022 - the date that I committed to living my life the way it was meant to be lived. That's the day that I first started HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy). It was the first day, in so many years, that color returned to my emotional state of being. It's nearly impossible to describe the life I lived with Major Depressive Disorder, Anhedonia, Alexithymia, all of which stemmed from Gender Dysphoria. I wasn't brave enough to seek help, either from a physician or therapist, for nearly 2 decades. But as I said, I've chosen to live my life. And that means committing to every aspect of becoming the woman I've always felt I was.

In actuality, it all started when I was 8 years old. I remember sitting in my 2nd grade classroom, near the back and to the left, thinking and hoping that somehow by the end of the day I would be able to go home as a girl. I had no idea what was going on, nor why I felt that way, but I knew it to be very true even from that moment. While I did not have the language for decades, my brain knew that my body hadn’t, and wouldn’t develop the way it was meant to. It wasn’t until my 30s that I really began to consider the language and the social impact of a decision to make these changes. My ex-partner and I had been living a happy life, I had a stable job, and I STILL have two beautiful children. The weight of it all, the anhedonia, the depression, the struggle to look at myself in any reflective surface, it became too much to experience every single day. I hid the best I could, in every sense of the word. I became quiet. I avoided photos. As so many have told me, I was best described as having an Eeyore complex. And rightly so. Every part of my emotions, from the pain and emotional despair to the absolute lack of emotional highs, had locked me in a place of mere existing.

It was then that I chose to explore the possibility...




Just one week on HRT, and everything changed. I smiled. I laughed. I felt good about me. I started to explore who she (me) had always been and how she could become what everyone saw. The last two years of my life have been a challenge. I’ve made it through very difficult times, including three very difficult moments. But this new life has me smiling. It has me feeling better about life and my relationship with my children. It has me feeling authentic, true. It allows me to feel – to truly feel – love.

WHERE I AM

I'll just let the pictures speak for me










MY GOALS

I have three major goals to achieve to finalize my transition. The two that I can focus on right now are voice lessons, and laser hair treatment. I’ve been so very fortunate to have such loving people in my life that have provided me the foundation of those treatments. From my therapist to my dearest friends, I’ve had the ability to explore a university program for voice training and have had 8 successful laser treatments on my face (yeeeeouch!) But unfortunately, the voice training through the University was inadequate, and not catered to my specific needs. This is why I am seeking the help of the Seattle Voice Lab, a service run for transgender individuals, run by professionals in the field. I am excited to begin that process but need help paying for lessons. Similarly, the laser treatments have added up, and I no longer can support them on my own at this time. My third goal is related to the surgical elements of transition (bottom surgery). This is an expensive and long process of which I am in no position to even consider now. While I wish I could snap my fingers and “be there”, I need to be realistic in terms of my personal journey and the speed at which I achieve my goals.
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Donations 

  • Jacqueline Lemmon
    • $50
    • 10 mos
  • Molly Farnam
    • $50
    • 1 yr
  • Lindsay & Nathan Pierson
    • $100
    • 1 yr
  • Anonymous
    • $25
    • 1 yr
  • Chip Gubera
    • $100
    • 1 yr
Donate

Organizer

Gillian Maurer
Organizer
Overland Park, KS

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