Matthew Wheelers Fund

Matthew Wheeler is a 28 year old young man who for the past two years has been courageously battling colon cancer.  When he was first diagnosed he had a large portion of his colon removed hoping this would eliminate the cancer. His tumor returned rapidly and he began several rounds of chemotherapy. With each treatment came hopes that the tumor would diminish. Initially it appeared it was but then began to grow back quickly and now there was more than one.  Radiation treatment was next but still nothing was able to eliminate the cancer.  All of this left Matthew weak, thin and exhausted. He spent most of his time sleeping and when he was awake he was physically sick. He would occassionally have a good day between treatments but these were few and far between. 

His strong will and determination are what keep him going...he has never given up. The past two weeks his health has diminished greatly and he is now staying in a hospice faciltiy in Colorado Springs, CO.  His family members have been staying by his side taking shifts to keep him comforable during this time. Such a horrific thing to witness and difficult to feel so helpless.

During this two year period  we have struggled with emotions that at times are so overwhelming we find ourselves gasping for air. The pain in my chest is my heart breaking for Matthews parents, immediate family members and close friends as they struggle  every day to hold it together. I watch the sorrow in each and everyones faces as we all wait  for that glimmer of hope. We try unsuccessfully to remove ourselves from what feels like a bad dream but this is Matthews' reality.

There is a constant sadness, fear and helplessness that  no parent should ever endure. The reality that your child is teminally ill - the most heart wrenching thing ever imaginable. We all experience death at some point in our life and each and everyone deals with this differently. The roller coaster of emotions is disabling at times and you find yourself just going through the motions to make it through the day. The darkness that settles inside can turn you biter, full or resentment and hatred. You try to find your happy place but it appears to be out of reach and unimaginable. Everything is intensified.

Deep breath..exhale. 

Robert, Matthew's father, has  shared many stories, happy and sad prior to my first introduction to Matthew. From what I gathered he was what us mothers call "a strong willed child" which is another way of saying "a pain in the ass"!! I reminisced with him while looking at old photographs and watched hysterical video clips of Matthews acting skills. This kid had talent!! As Robert spoke of his son I began to feel an attachment and love to someone I had never met. My very first introduction to Matthew was easy, I was thrilled to meet him and eager for Matthew and Robert to reconnect. I provided the support, respect and space they both needed. I had no expectations and was ready for any outcome but I knew from the first time I met Matthew I loved him as if he were my own child. I can't explain the closeness I felt towards him instantly. My biggest struggle was that I couldn't fix his illness. I could see in his eyes and hear in his words he was scared, angry, weak, and in pain. No words can explain the way I felt in that moment except helpless. I remember watching Robert say goodbye to Matthew at the end of that trip and wondering if they would see each other again. 

Soon after Matthew proposed to the love of his life and most patient caring strong woman I know, Courtney. For the next few months we were all distracted with the thoughts of a wedding.  The day came and was an amazingly beautiful and touching celebration of the love they shared.

Here we are months later at a very difficult time in Matthew's progression. He is a very strong, young man who won't give up.  He is in the final stages of his life and we need to stay strong for him. Let's please turn our sadness into love and caring for others and put aside what we have no control over. No more bitterness and hatred it does no good for anyone. Instead let's all make a promise strive for excellence and help others in ways we know how. Take the time to slow down and appreciate small achievements and celebrate large ones. Make Matthew proud and live in honor of the bravest most amazing young man I have had the privilege of coming into my life.

Thank you for any donation you can make to assist the family with expenses during this time.