Twin Baby Emma Lucy's Funeral Arrangements

I was a high risk pregnancy with twins, a boy and girl. We were trying to get to the 24 week mark so we could start steroid injections to help the twins lungs.  My worst fear happened and I went into labor at 23 weeks and 1 day. Friday December 13, 2019 my twins were born. Two days later, from my hospital bed, I received a call from NICU saying the doctor would like to speak with myself and my husband.  I was alone and my husband was at home caring for our 3 other children, ages 11, 9, and almost 3 years old. I went to NICU and they sat me in a room with the doctor and a couple of other people from the care team. They told me Emma Lucy had grade 4 bleeding on both sides of her brain. Her oxygen was at 100 then 58 back to 100. There are 4 grades of bleeding, grade 4 being the worst. There is no treatment for this. I went back to my room, called my husband, we both cried. He said he was going to take care of the kids, our toddler was sick. I prayed, cried, asked Mary and Jesus to be with me and we made that long walk back to NICU. They closed the curtain around me, unhooked my daughter from life support, and I gave her an emergency baptism. She held my finger as she lay on my chest until she took her last breath. I made that long walk back to my room. I cried and prayed on my knees and Jesus came to me in Holy Communion. Then a few minutes later, I felt alone and angry. Even though I know Jesus never left me, I felt as if all the grace that was in me was gone and it was just me left to myself. Thank God for good nurses. My nurse that night told me that Isaac, my son, is still over there fighting for his life and he needs me. She reminded me that my daughters at home still need me. That is what has been getting me through so many trying moments. God's grace, the thought of my children and baby, and everyone's prayers. I was discharged after 4 days and I tell you I did not want to leave. Knowing I would not be under the same room as my son and leaving the hospital with two diaper bags and no babies was so painful. Instead of planning a nursery I am planning a funeral. I will never know what it's like to take care of twins. I pray baby Isaac will make it and each day is hard as we found out Friday that he has grade 4 bleeding on the right side of his brain and a possible tear in his esophagus which prevents the feeding tube from going to his stomach. We are praying the bleeding resolves itself and does not push over to the other side. I am praying God will take away even the bleeding on the right side. Jesus says, "For man this is impossible but for God all things are possible." -Matthew 19:26-  Isaac needs God's loving hand to touch him right now because the care team are doing all they can. I still have 3 kids who will be kids and argue and a toddler with tantrums. I know she has been affected by the loss of her baby Emma and everyone is trying their best. We are learning and growing and loving as a family. If it were not for the kids we wouldn't even be celebrating Christmas with a tree at all. The real meaning of Christmas is ours this year. Life is happening so fast and all the days are becoming one. I spent 3 hours at the funeral home making arrangements on nothing but hope that God will provide. We have no savings, one income, 3 kids, and no credit card to work with. If there is anyone who can help I would be forever grateful and I promise to pray for every person who donates. Thank you for reading my story and I pray God blesses each and every one of you and your families.