Hi, my name is Toyah and in November 2023 I had a bilateral mastectomy with DIEP flap reconstruction. What the hell is that you ask? Well, this is a huge operation (like 10 hours long) that removes your breast tissue (and in my case your areola and nipples as well) and takes tissue from your lower belly to reconstruct new breasts.

Why did I do this you ask? You are probably assuming I was diagnosed with breast cancer, but for me (luckily) this was not the case. I do, however, have a BRCA2 mutation which almost guarantees I will develop breast cancer in my lifetime. People like me are high risk and have to have frequent monitoring with MRI and mammogram due to the elevated risks. Unfortunately, my family history of breast cancer was so bad I was deemed a 'high high' risk and was advised to do the surgery as soon as I finished having a family. After a few years on a waitlist my turn was up in late 2023. The surgery went well and my pathology results were 100% cancer free, I still had to take 4 months off work and then learn to deal with my bodies new landscape of scars.... Google 'DIEP flap reconstruction' and you'll understand what I mean.

If you happen to know anyone whose had a mastectomy, you may know the physical toll it can take on you, but what most people don't talk about is the emotional and mental toll this can take on you as well. I did not expect for my body to feel so alien to me as I was so focussed on not getting cancer and dying young and leaving my babies behind. Since recovering fully I have found myself actively avoiding looking in the mirror when getting out of the shower as no matter how hard I try all I see is the scars. I honestly sometimes think I look like a surgical Barbie doll - just boob shaped lumps covered in scars.

I decided early on after googling women in my position that getting a tattoo cover up would help make me feel feminine again. There are so many beautiful examples online - do yourselves a favour and have a look!

Now, I am the absolute last person to ask for money for anything, but this experience has taken such a toll on my mental health I decided to be proactive and try to make it happen. I simply don't have the funds to make this happen any time soon as due to other health issues I have had to take a step back from my previous carer as a cancer nurse to focus on my own health. In a few months the second stage of my cancer risk reduction surgery is going ahead where I will have my ovaries and tubes removed due to the elevated ovarian cancer risks that also come with a BRCA mutation.

If anyone has the capacity to donate any small amount to help me get closer to my goal it would honestly mean the world to me and I would be forever grateful.

Sometimes I feel so selfish that I am daring to even ask people to contribute to what is essentially a cosmetic procedure, but if you've ever had to live with physical deformities/scars perhaps you will understand why I feel it is so important for me to create something positive and new to help me move forward and feel more like the woman I used to be before I had to make the decision to remove a very intimate part of myself.

God Bless, peace and love to you all xx