Mallaidh Anne's Top Surgery

Hey y'all! It's Mallaidh Anne, and I'm fundraising for my gender affirmation surgery.

Whether you read my blog or know me in real life, this may come as a surprise to you! I've been private about my gender identity since I first started exploring it, and although I've referred to myself as "trans" on my blog, I've kept it vague. I'm not out at all to my family except for my sister. Consequently, this is a huge, scary step to take. However, it's the step I have to take. I am genderfluid, which means (to me in my personal experience; I don't speak for others) I sometimes identify as my assigned gender (woman), but often I don't, and I experience dysphoria as a result.

I've experienced gender dysphoria since I was a child, but it didn't become a true issue until I was a teenager. From the moment my chest started to "develop" in high school, I've felt wrong and uncomfortable in my own body. Unfortunately for me, I didn't even get to be small-chested. At my largest, I was in an H-cup bra.

At 15, I started pursuing a reduction. Some of y'all may remember I had a reduction procedure done in March of 2018. Unfortunately, it didn't go well. My surgeon and I agreed on a chest size ("as flat as possible" were the exact words used, along with reference photos), but she decided during the procedure while I was under anesthesia that I wouldn't actually want to be "so flat." After all the trouble, I ended up a D-Cup with a 39" chest measurement. You can read more details here  if you're interested.

Since then, my chest has caused daily distress for me. Additionally, I have intense face-based dysphoria about my soft, round, feminine features.

Between my chest and my jaw, I find it hard to motivate myself to get dressed, to be seen outside, and to participate in my usual hobbies because I’ve become extremely dysphoric.

I'm raising money for a top surgery and for liposuction around my chin and jaw.

If I can get this procedure done, I know it will immediately solve the biggest problems of my gender dysphoria. Right now I struggle with profound feelings of anguish about my body. I don’t feel that it in any way presents to the world who I am, and this surgery would fix that. It would give me the comfort and confidence to exist in my own body.

I know that the world is going through a lot right now, and  many people are struggling. I am too. I hesitated to do this now, but my friends helped me accept that no one will donate if they don't want to. And that's true. I don't expect or obligate anyone to give.  That said, as always, please don't give unless you're an adult, and you have something to spare. Take care of yourself first.

If you do donate, I can't express how much it means to me. Thank you again.

Fielding some obligatory questions y'all may have:

Q: So are you a trans man?
A: I'm genderfluid, often leaning toward "transmasc." I am only speaking for my own experience, and I am new to using descriptive terms and labels to describe myself.

Q:  But you dress/present super feminine:
A: That has a lot to do with my body at the moment and my confidence in "passing." Additionally, clothes don't define gender. 

Q: What are your pronouns?
A: She/her and He/him. I'd actually love for people to mix both in.

Q: Why don't you just bind?
A: I've tried, but I can't, being asthmatic. It's also only a temporary solution for those who can.

Q: Aren't hospitals dangerous right now during the pandemic?
A: Although my surgery wouldn't be for a while, it's important to note that the surgeon I've selected works in his own private surgical center, not in a hospital. I won't enter a hospital at all before, during, or after my procedure.

Q: Why now? Isn't this sort of out of the blue?
A: I've been trying to get the surgery done for over a decade now. The surgeon I've selected (meticulously after my previous negative experience) has certain qualification requirements that all lined up now, so I'm finally moving forward.

Q: Are you sure?
A: If you must know, I've been diagnosed with gender dysphoria by a therapist with whom I worked for two years. She had to write a letter and evaluation to my surgeon to qualify me for the procedure. Yes, I'm sure.

Q: Won't insurance cover this?
A: My insurance only covers what they call "transexual operations" for people who have been on HRT (hormones) for at least a year and who have lived for a year as a binary gender identity. That means they require you to be out, gender conforming, and on hormones.  They do not recognize nonbinary or fluid identities and would require me to "commit to living publicly as a man" for at least a year. Additionally, I can never do HRT because of other health conditions. Moreover, no surgeons I feel comfortable going to accept insurance for gender affirming surgeries.

Q: What are the exact costs?
A:
Procedure Fees
Transgender Chest Surgery; Liposuction of Neck: $5,750.00
Anesthesia Fees: $920.00
Facility Fees: $1,530.00
Assistant Fee 2 hrs: 1 units @ $150.00/unit $150.00
CosmetAssure 140 1 units @ $140.00/unit $140.00
Balance Due: $8,490.00


Q: Why are you trying to raise more than the cost of surgery?
A: Gofundme takes a cut from every donation and the overall raised amount. I've accounted for that, as well as for transportation to and from the surgery center and care after the procedure.

That's all I can think of for now! In the past, I have gotten messages from "concerned" readers, who suggest I simply have trauma surrounding my chest because of the misogynistic world we live in. I'm not interested in that sort of opinion or insight. I have had years to explore this with myself and with my therapists. I know what is good for me and what will make me happy.

Thank you!