2026 Update:

Since stepping back from art at the beginning of last year in order to focus on my health, things have only gotten more challenging for me unfortunately. In the summer of last year I sustained a spinal injury during what was supposed to be a painfree treatment. Instead, I ended up in the hospital with a misalignment similar to that of a car accident victim, as stated by the doctors who observed me during my trip to the ER.

This injury triggered my Craniocervical Instability and rendered me physically and mentally impaired in severe pain for months, unable to stay upright for more than 20 minutes at a time. It took away my ability to drive and limited my ability to walk, it impeded my cognitive abilities including speech and processing speed, as well as caused severe emotional disregulation due to vagus nerve compression which worsened my already existing CPTSD, anxiety and depression. My recovery has been slow, stressful, and non-linear.

In addition, we recently received news that one of our cats needs over 1k in dental work in order to treat her tooth infection and last week our landlord decided to revoke his offer to renew our lease because he wants to sell the house instead, so we have under 55 days to find a new home. Last year's move was extremely difficult for me due to my conditions and it genuinely feels like we just got done unpacking. I often get overwhelmed and disregulated in the wake of bad news and sometimes it feels like all I'm doing is recovering from the most recent blow.

Prior to last year, I was a working visual artist for over a decade. I turn to art to express, to process, to mourn, to celebrate and turning to art in this situation is no exception; it’s the only thing my brain knows what to do. Create. So, I decided to start creating designs and sharing them in a way that's accessible and wearable!

If you feel compelled to donate directly to either of my fundraisers directly, I am beyond grateful for your selflessness. However, I realize my artistic abilities can also be used in order to raise awareness and start sharing my designs again.

Introducing Mace Tees! A new apparel line by Mace Paint, formerly Mace Eats Paint. All designs are original and hand drawn without the use of AI. Partnering with Tapstitch, you can now sustainably shop my styles and have them shipped directly to you!

My designs are inspired by life, tales of whimsy and despair. Proceeds from the items will be related to the graphic and clearly stated in the description. For instance, my chronic illness designs will go towards my medical expenses. I plan on uploading new designs and styles regularly!

To support my healing journey through my art, please visit my new shoppable site: Mace Tees

Thank you again in advance for the support and encouragement. Despite everything, I still believe the world is good.

2025 Update:

Although many of my symptoms began throughout my childhood and teenage years, I did not receive any formal diagnoses for any of my mental/physical conditions until my 20s. So needless to say, it’s taken me years to find the proper care team. In my 20s, I went through far too many appointments of doctors minimizing my symptoms or dismissing them entirely. After my first flare up at 21-22 years old, I experienced an unfortunate amount of disappointing appointments. I settled for a Fibromyalgia, Anxiety, and Depression diagnosis with minimal follow up care. My Primary Care managed my mental health through SSRIs and I saw a chiropractor/massage therapist biweekly for my upper cervical misalignment.

Health professionals didn’t seem too concerned so I did my fair amount of dismissing and masking in order to not feel ostracized about how much pain I was experiencing. Eventually, after losing my health insurance, it became difficult to keep up with seeing any new specialists. At 26-27 years old, my physical symptoms significantly worsened and my mental health declined further. I received a PTSD diagnosis that I knew I had for years but was (and still am to a degree) too afraid to deal with head on. After feeling extremely depressed and emotionally drained for far too long, I decided to try a more aggressive form of therapy to help with my symptoms.

From 2022-2025, ketamine infusion therapy was a great form of treatment for my depression, cptsd, and chronic pain. However since starting a more direct form of complex trauma therapy, I have discontinued ketamine treatments since I have become unable to regulate my thoughts or emotions during treatment.

Now that I have health insurance again and found a chronic illness care specialist, we have developed a care plan in order to get to a more well rounded understanding of my symptoms. My appointments with my CI Dr are extremely detailed and she takes every concern of mine seriously. At our first visit, she diagnosed me with Hypermobility Spectrum Disorder. She suspects hEDS (a connective tissue disorder) as well as a potential sleep disorder. Disorders like this could potentially be greatly affecting both my pain and fatigue (my two worst symptoms) so the next steps are to do several blood panels and sleep tests. In addition to this new specialist, I recently went through an adult ADHD screening and was diagnosed with ADHD & re-diagnosis with PTSD. Due to my sensitivity regarding my preverbal & religious trauma, I will require more specialized therapy for my PTSD (EMDR, ART, hypnotherapy).

All of these new (and existing) diagnoses are overwhelming for me. I’ve known for almost my entire adult life that this pain isn’t something I’ve imagined and if I can just find the right people to help me, I can find the root cause of it and eventually thrive. I know I can get better, I just need time and to be kind to myself. I’ve felt a lot of guilt about the label “disabled” over the years, especially when I start feeling better, and I’ve spent a lot of time trying to destigmatize my own assumptions about what it means to be disabled and still live an “abled” life. I’ve been in and out of regular work my entire adult life, largely due to my disabilities, and at the moment, I’m struggling to afford the more specialized care I need in order to heal.

My saving grace in many aspects of my life is my innate creativity, so I’ve spent most of my time focusing on art in order to distract myself & heal through that. Art has been and always will be my safe haven. My oasis. My first love. My superpower. My highest calling. And despite my limitations, I’ve been very successful & I’m so proud of what I’ve created so far. But the reality is that I’ve even been unable to create as of late. When my mental and physical health decline far enough, the inspiration ceases. This isn’t the first time I’ve had to take “pauses” from art to focus on my health, but this time feels different. This time it feels like if I don’t stop this cycle, I will never find peace. And the inspiration will cease altogether.

If you know me, you know I’m no shrinking violet. But my disabilities make me feel small, fragile, broken. It makes me isolate from loved ones. It robs me of the security of knowing how I’ll feel tomorrow. It haunts me in my dreams. I have so many passions that I have yet to pursue because of how much this has debilitated me. I have more special interests than most people I know. I have a laundry list of creative goals that I only continue to add to because I don’t feel good enough to attempt any of them. It’s my least favorite version of myself, but I also know I can’t blame myself, either. I especially can’t blame little Mace, which is when this all started. If I don’t allow both of us some grace & stop guilting myself into being quiet, it’s likely I’ll get stuck in this feeling of hopelessness.

The answers I thought I had were only some of the pieces to a much bigger puzzle. As detailed above, I have a long road ahead of panels/tests/scans/appointments in order to find the true source of my symptoms. I also have a long road ahead of managing a flurry of fluctuating symptoms. Right now I’m taking it day by day.. My goal is to raise money to help afford my continuing medical expenses as well as essential bills I’ve been struggling to pay while I focus on my health (rent, utilities, internet, etc).

Since meeting my husband, I’ve finally felt secure enough to explore the deeper meaning of my physical and mental pain. We met at a transitional phase in both our lives and have since found solice in each other’s desire to better ourselves, as individuals and as a family. Skip has been through everything from getting sober, to a Bipolar II misdiagnosis, to shocking cancer surgery 3 months into our relationship. It’s been a bumper road than either of us expect but having each other as caretakers is a level of safety I didn’t know existed until meeting him. Life challenges everyone in different ways; ours just happens to resemble the shortcomings Pain & Panic from Hercules.