Lost 45 years of my life

I have tried writing this out several times in the past few months but it has been very difficult as it entails my recounting some of the most tragic moments of my life. I am hoping that it will be worth the effort regardless of the emotional mess it will undoubtedly leave me in.

My name is Jenni Bowles, but most know me as Jennica. I am a 45 year old woman, a Southern California native, an artist, a poet and an decades long experienced office manager. I am the only child of a Vietnam Veteran, old school Long Beach surfer and electronics technician genius father who struggled with PTSD and a extremely intelligent, well read, wacky and creative mother who has suffered with untreated mental illness (diagnosed as Bi-polar and possibly Borderline Personality Disorder) and alcoholism my whole life. In 1974, when my parents separated, my father moved into a quaint little triplex right up the block from his best friend who I have called Uncle since birth. This triplex was the only place I have known as home. It is where my father, Uncle and I celebrated every holiday, every birthday and many, many BBQ's.

In 2006 my father passed from bladder cancer. He was my best friend and the rock that anchored me to this world with all of it's sorrows and blessings. After he passed away my Uncle became that rock for me. I took over the apartment in which I grew up in and was able to care for myself being an office manager for many years, having good credit and wonderful friends. I thought I would be okay but in 2008 during an extremely stressful work day, I found myself dealing with a car accident on my 35th birthday in which I was able to save a man's life but discovered that the consequences were far greater than I would have ever known. I began experiencing symptoms which were later diagnosed as PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and all that comes with it. It has been 10 years since then and now my diagnoses is CPTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) which simply put, means that I have had more than one traumatic experience in my life, which has been equated to my challenging childhood with a mentally ill mother. The shield in which I had built with my mother's shenanigans was broken the day of that accident and I haven't been able to carry a regular job since.

My Uncle passed away from pancreatic cancer in March of this year and in the same week I was evicted from the only home I've ever known. There is much more that happened during this time, however those details are too great and disturbing to list here. Let's just say I trusted the wrong people who took advantage of my vulnerability. The new tenants were kind enough to let me live in my garage for over a month as I put everything I had into a storage unit, but when I couldn't pay for the unit, Public Storage auctioned it off. I lost everything. The furniture my father and Uncle built for me, all of my art and poetry, all of my art supplies, my guitar, my clothes, my books, my spiritual readings and writing... everything.

So, the grieving process has been massive and I find myself at age 45 starting all over again. Luckily a long time friend (so grateful to GS for his kindness) heard about my homelessness and has offered me and my dog a place to stay that is warm, safe and friendly. He has been paying for our food and living expenses for months now. He even covered the cost of nearly $900 to help my dog when he desperately needed visit to a Veterinarian. All I have left is the few things I brought with me, which isn't much and as winter approaches I find myself without the clothes necessary for the coming months. My dog will be turning 11 years old in a few days and will be needing senior care.

I would like to relieve the economic strain I have been on my friend and reimburse him for the kindness he has shown for me and my dog. There are things that I need like clothes, shoes, socks, undergarments, etc. along with food and basic bathroom necessities and I hope to pay him some rent to make it through the winter in this safe place, which brings me here. I haven't had a working cell phone in months and desperately need one and would like to pay for service a few months in advance. I am making the goal for this $5,000 but I don't ever expect to make that mark. I have once again applied for Disability Insurance (as well as CalFresh for food) and am waiting to once again be denied, then I can start the appeals process and hopefully finally win my case and take care of myself. I sincerely appreciate all of the help I have received thus far and for the contributions made here. I am extremely grateful that I did not end up in a shelter in which I would have had to give up my new rock, Captain Henry, the savior pup.

Thank you for reading this and please pass it on to those who you feel might be willing to help me begin again. Stay healthy, happy and safe. Love, light and blessings to you and yours always.
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Jennica Bowles 
Los Angeles, CA

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