Dear Friends, Family, Acquaintances Who Bother to Care, or Complete Strangers with Big Hearts,

If you know anything at all about me, you probably know that I haven’t exactly had an easy go of things. I have 3 decades worth of continuous trauma and hardship - none of which I have been able to adequately process due to the never-ending nature of both the traumas, and life itself. It’s very hard to sit down and take dedicated time to process severe mental health impacts and impairments when you also still have to work 8 hours a day, plus travel an hour there and back, try to get a decent amount of sleep, cook, eat, clean, make sure your kid has eaten and is being safe because they’re a teenager and don’t want to listen to anything you say….a teenager who isn’t even biologically yours but whom you felt the need to take in because they had the same kind of parents that you did - the kind who honestly in my opinion should have never been parents. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for my life and that of my kid, and grateful that my kid is now mine. It’s just hard.

Along with this continued trauma, last year I went through the biggest trauma I ever faced. It left me broken and full disclosure, more su!c!dal than I’ve ever been before in my life. To the point where I actually ended up in the CAMH emergency room. I lost my job because of this, and was unemployed for the next 4 months. I fell grossly behind on bills and honestly, despite those who have helped me as much as they can, still haven’t been able to catch up at all.

The truth is, falling behind on bills is just an effect of my poor mental health. It’s not the main issue, so no matter how much I borrow from other people or how much other people offer to pay some bills for me, it’s not going to accomplish much because my spending is not the root issue. The root issue is my lack of safety when it comes to being in my own brain. The root is the depression and the anxiety and the trauma that leaves me absolutely debilitated on a regular basis. That leaves me unable to show up for my kid, my job, my family, and most importantly, myself, in the ways that I want/need to.

In light of this, I spent last summer looking into a long-term in-patient mental health facility. I found one that looks incredible. But it was an 8 week program, and I was out of job and it cost an arm and a leg. It did not seem practical at that time - or maybe I was drowning too much to even be able to think practically to begin with - to postpone finding a job for another 8 weeks to pay more money that I didn’t have to go to this program. That being said, it has now been a full year since ending up in CAMH and honestly, I still feel like I should be back there despite also being in regular weekly therapy. I discovered this year that this program actually has an online option which is half the cost of in-person (though still a pretty hefty amount), which would allow me to continue working while I am in treatment so I can also work on catching up on bills but still get the treatment I have desperately needed for a long time now.

Please consider donating if you can.

God bless,

Elizabeth.