Update: I'm absolutely hating having to reopen this, but have no choice at this point. Got my latest payslip from work and it's less than half what was expecting. It appears my SSP has ran out again (without notice) and I'm currently sitting with an upcoming £931.46 outgoing to which at best can only clear £500 of it.

Been dealing with mental issues again since last September and been back and forth with my doctor, I'm currently upped to 30mg Citalopram and potentially raising again depending on how react. My recent blood test also can back wonky and trying best to get that sorted which isn't helping current state.

And my upstairs neighbour flooded their bathroom again after lying about the leaks being fixed (found this out as the council accidentally sent the work order to me instead of the neighbour when reported it, so I now know exactly what is wrong up there), so now also dealing with a shorted light fitting and light switch as they were pouring water when the latest leak happened. Haven't got around to getting a new switch and trying that, but it very likely is going to need an electrician calling out to look at it, which is the last thing I really want to have to do and frankly cannot afford to do it.

I've raised the goal to what need on short notice, being openly transparent again, here is all the expenses got going out:

This does not include anything allocated for power/heating and food (the latter I do have but the former I'm into emergency credit already...)

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I've been dealing with the after effects of having what can be solidly described as a complete mental breakdown at the end of September 2024 as a result of multiple stress causes. The effects from which are eerily similar to the time I suffered from acute stress reaction after being held at gunpoint at one of my previous workplaces. It took me the better part of a year to get out of that hole, and I do not want to go to that dark place again.

For multiple months I've had anxiety attacks near daily, drastic move swings and gone through 4 different medications until finally found that Citalopram is working better for me than Sertraline as an antidepressant.

The past 2 months have been looking to be promising as my mood, sleep and even looking after myself started to feel more as to how they were before I shut myself off. However, I've recently had a relapse and been what's best described as a shaking wreck again.

I've burned through all my savings, been having to rely on handouts from my parents and partner which is getting to the limit, my parents are retired and currently are really not in the situation to keep throwing £500 at me monthly to cover my expenses, my mortgage payments are still frozen until the 22nd June at which point need to review again, and it'd have to be taken up by a manager at the firm as the normal staff can only approve 3-month periods.

I don't know what to do, and I've got nothing for next month at the moment, no idea if I'll even get anything for the very small hours I've worked so far over the last 3 weeks, and it certainly won't be enough to cover my outstanding bills.

For transparency, here are all my expenses broken down for a month:

The allocation for gas and electric however can vary, some months I use drastically less, others far more. Food costs I'm about matching at £80/m. If I'm not able to pause my mortgage payments any more past June, then that's an additional £380/m which I just can't afford at all. My contract with NOW is also due to end, meaning have to either find another internet provider or convince them to give me a better continuing deal, which is causing hell just thinking about it.

I really did not want to make this, but I don't think there is anything else I can do at this current moment.

I absolutely hate being given things by people as it makes me feel guilty, and the level of guilt I feel even writing this makes me feel like breaking.

I'd appreciate any help you can provide, or just reading this to understand what has been going on.