Lillin's Top Surgery and Recovery

*** UPDATE FROM LILLIN :

TL;DR - my top surgery will be cancelled / postponed indefinitely unless I can get some help.

First, I’m sorry for the length of this post. I tried to keep it short but I am extremely broken and tired and scared and angry.

I tried so hard to make this work, have been pushing and coordinating all year, and yesterday morning at the last minute, my insurance once again denied me coverage, this time in a peer to peer review with my surgeon. The “””good news””” is that the insurance company’s actions seem clearly in discriminatory breach of state and federal laws. I am seeking legal aid, have been advised by my medical professionals to pursue discrimination cases with both the insurance company and the state of New York, and will be pursuing this as far as I can in the hopes of coverage / reimbursement, and to hopefully help set one more iota of precedent for others.

In the short term, if I can proceed with self pay (in the hopes of getting reimbursed later), I can keep my surgery date at the end of the month. Unfortunately, this means paying in full by next Tuesday, 11/14 - one week from today. I have already paid $4,500 to this surgeon, but have a big balance remaining. I can use absolutely everything from my recovery time fund (everything I have personally saved, fundr@*sed and been gifted for recovery time) and am still about $5,000 short for the rest. Additionally, it would mean that I would have no way to pay for my out of work recovery time, have no safety net, and would likely have to try and return to work much faster than I had hoped for or is advisable. It will certainly mean going farther into debt, and while that idea scares me, I don’t know what else I can do at this point. I don’t have any hail mary’s left - my parents are poor, I do not have a savings account to draw from, I did as big a r@ffl3 as I could for this back in September, and I have no other avenues of securing extra financial cushion.

As extra fucked up context - every trans person I know personally in New York who hasn’t been able to pay the $25k+ out of pocket has “strategically” become unemployed or was already making under $20k a year in order to use Amida Care (a Medicaid product) to pay for surgery. I do not have that option, as I am a primary provider for my household, and several people around me at work and home rely on my financial stability and access.

.

Waiting, or trying again with a different insurance company and surgeon could mean putting my timeline off by up to another year - and could yield the same results. And to be honest I am just not emotionally prepared to wait that long, or to start this journey completely over from scratch. My first binding behaviors started 20 years ago, at age 13. I still have scars on my rib cage from bacterial infections due to 24/7 compressive binding as a 13 year old. I have been suffering and feeling disembodied and miserable for so long. I need this to be done. I need to put this behind me. More than anything I just want this to be over so I can go back to helping others and being present in my communities, without this layer of psychic fatigue, spiraling dread, and self-loathing hanging over my head all the time.

.

I gave everything I could to bolster the initial fundraising, and I have nothing left to offer. I know everyone is broke and things are tight. I know there are people who need help way more than I do in this moment. I know I am so lucky and so privileged to be here at all, and I hate having to ask for help again. I can only ask - if you ever wished you had tipped me more, if you ever enjoyed our time together and are able to send some extra care - please consider helping out. My v3nm0 and g0fundm3 are both linked in my profile. I also have gift certificates for s@le in my bigcartel, which helps me a lot and puts you automatically in my scheduling queue for 2024.

.

Please share with anyone who might be able to help. I would be forever grateful.

Hey there, if you don't know me, I'm Lillin's partner Evie. After a year and a half of waiting and planning, Lillin has top surgery coming up at the end of November. This surgery will alleviate extreme distress and discomfort they experience due to gender dysphoria, and cannot come soon enough. However, with the enormous costs for surgery alongside unpaid recovery time as a self employed person, they need help covering the costs of this necessary and life-improving procedure.

Lillin puts so much effort, thought, labor, and income into helping others - through organizing tattoo fundraisers multiple times a year, offering sliding scale and pro bono options for clients, and constantly monitoring social media for people who need help, both inside and outside of their circles. The power of mutual aid is something Lillin strongly believes in, and they don't just talk the talk. In the past 10 years they have made and redistributed tens of thousands of dollars to people, communities, and causes they believe in. The flip side of their stalwart commitment to providing for others is that they've often put contributing towards others' security before creating a safety net for themself. This is only further complicated by being self-employed and living in an expensive city like New York (a choice made to be close by elderly family).

Without meaningful savings or financial backup from family, Lillin has already put thousands of dollars into deposits, supplies, and prep for this surgery, and is continuing to work hard to make this procedure happen for themself. We have calculated what they will need to cover all of the most basic surgery costs, plus living costs & work overhead for taking 2 weeks off from tattooing, and they are prepared to cover this amount themself. But if you're familiar with top surgery, 2 weeks is such a short amount of time to take off! It doesn't leave any margin for complications, recovery fatigue, extended discomfort leading to a lack of rest, or allow the appropriate amount of time to keep one's arms inactive - especially for such a physical and demanding job like tattooing.

My hope is for this fundraiser to make sure that they have their hard work and generosity met and then some- to ensure that they can fully and appropriately recover with as little stress as possible, without having to rush back to work and risk complications. I want Lillin to be able to recover in peace, so they can return to caring and providing for others comfortably, and without dysphoria or medical debt.

Here's a breakdown of the financial goals for this fundraiser:

Initial goal: $10,000 - 3 weeks off work with improved surgical care and basic weekly financial needs met.

First reach goal: $13,000 - 4 weeks off work with improved surgical care and aftercare, and basic weekly financial needs met.

Second reach goal: $15,000 - 4 weeks off with all of the above and all weekly financial needs met.

Any little bit helps and goes towards ensuring that this deeply caring and giving person can take the best possible care of themself, and return comfortably and healthily to what they do best.

A note from Lillin:

"It is incredibly hard, painful, and humbling for me to ask for help in this. I have a lot of internal narratives, pride, and joy around my ability to provide in big and small ways for others. I always imagined that I would be able to do this alone, but have to admit that it is just not possible. I am continuing to stack my schedule as much as possible between now and November to try and save as much as I can. I also have a tattoo fundraiser live on my instagram, and will be doing a group flash day with my very sweet & generous studiomates in early November.

Once my needs are met, any and all extra funds raised will go to helping my good friend's good friend start a new life after being released from prison after 28 years of incarceration. More details on Vanessa's release fund here, please look and donate if you are able: "